dealing with the burning hate

well, between that last post of mine and now, i've managed to lose the rest of what i was gonna say on this topic. :(
oh well, it'll come back to me soon.

Im sorry for what youve been through. Though I cant understand fully because each situation is unique, I do understand what its like to be abused, and not be able to trust. Being made promises that were never kept or even sincere. Having my heart completely crushed because I actually believed things would get better but they never did. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is not waste another minute of your time or energy on him. He doesnt deserve it. You deserve to be free from all the pain he caused you.

You have gotten some valuable advice already. I feel for you, such a traumatic experience is hard to let go.

I do have something to say about this, though :

"if you hate someone, your killing them in your heart."

I completely disagree with this. Quite the opposite, if you hate someone, and continue to hate them, you are keeping them alive in your heart and life.

There is really such a thin line between love and hate. Both require such passion and energy. Both can be all consuming. One of them in a good way, one of them not.

You are keeping him and the memories alive in your heart by hating him in this way. Until you are able to truly let go, this will overshadow your life and sap the energy that you could spend elsewhere.

Actually, to COMPLETELY let go of all emotions related to the person, is like killing them in your heart. They cease to matter.

"put him to rest" in your heart and mind. Have your own little "funeral" for all the feelings you have for him. He will continue on in your life, through your daughter. But he CAN cease to have a meaning in your life.

I know, all this is easier said then done. Someone told me once "fake it till you make it". I thought to myself, thats quite stupid advice, if only it was that easy. But actually, it works. Tell yourself you stop hating him, he is not worth such a passionate role in your life. Tell yourself to stop caring, tell yourself you feel "nothing" for him. You have to remind yourself, force yourself for a while. But it will become second nature and eventually you will be free of all this. It will feel so liberating, too :)

I wish you good luck, you are already on the right path by realizing that this is not healthy for You and that you want to change things.

ps. please remember english is my second language and sometimes I have a hard time getting my point across, so please excuse any grammar or spelling errors...

I just have to say that Hate in my opinion is really underrated, I think it is great!
I nurture my hate and it keeps me feeling great! The trick is to not feel any guilt for hating someone, why should you? The guy was a real dirtbag lowlife creep, why should you not hate him? Why forgive someone who does not deserve your forgiveness? Dont let your hate consume you, just embrace it for what it is, righteous indignation... True hate allows you to experience true appreciation for those who are good in your life, two ends of the spectrum, how can you understand one without knowing the other?

Personally I am filled with venom and hate, and I am a truly happy person! And I am lucky to have someone I really love in my life, and I know how great she is because of how much I despise the majority of the rest of the world! Hopefully you can realize how amazing the good people in your life are by comparing them to the absent father.

Most people will totally disagree with my advice here, but hey it works for me, and I have no regrets about it. Just dont saddle yourself with undeserved guilt because of this mans crimes...

Time to propose to the BF and be your self.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jason Bowden

Time to propose to the BF and be your self.

---

That sounds like the best advice so far...