A little of what I have been dealing with lately!!

I was bullied in kindergarten and first grade by the same boy. At first it was just pinches but in the first grade he had two other boys from my class pin me against the fence while he kicked me in the shins. He got in trouble and left me alone after that. I was lucky I never really got bullied after that.

My dad came over earlier this week and told me something that made me want to cry. A friend of his he works with had to make an emergency trip to Colorado a few weeks ago. His niece hung herself. She killed herself because she was getting bullied. I guess someone was bullying her online and her family never even knew anything was wrong.

Alot of good points made. Unfortunately, bullies quickly learn to adapt to the school's anti-bullying stance. It's a vicious cycle that will probably never go away entirely. I agree with Wilomn that being passive and keeping to ones self, empowers the bully even more. It even makes them more aggressive towards you and bolder in regards to when and where they choose to lash out. I know this from experience, I was bullied alot growing up in school. And I can tell you that it didn't stop until my high school years when I decided enough was enough and took some frustrations out in the halls (wasn't doing the "after school" song and dance). Did I do the right thing? In alot of eyes, probably not. In my eyes, I should have done it a long time before I did. Yeah it gave me a rep as being a bit unstable, but hey, it worked. It's a tough situation to be in.

As a parent myself now, I can understand the frustration you must be going through. I also commend you on taking a stance. I have always taught my children to stick up for themselves and also taught them to stick together. If one see's the other getting picked on, jump right in. I received a note two years back stating that my son threw another boy on the ground at recess. I spoke to my son and let him know that he better not be bullying anyone. Turns out the school neglected to mention the other boy had been bending my sons fingers back to inflict pain. I apologized to my son and wrote the school a note back letting them know that I do not tolerate bullying and that if they do not police it, my boy will police himself. I have not received another such note since. In my OP, schools and parents of bullies need to wake up and quit turning a blind eye. Just my 2+ cents.

Having read all of these posts, I'd like to give my point of view. Due to my life experiecnes, I've had to deal with both sides. I will tell you that in the end, the ONLY way this is going to go away is for Tristen to fight the boy. Even if he gets his butt kicked, the bully will not stop until he's forced to. Being a bully is not about hurting someone, it's about controlling another person. This is usually brought on by issues within the family. I won't get into that part of it.

The bully feels a need to control someone, anyone. So he finds someone that won't fight back and that person will become his fixation. Rarely will a bully pick on more than one person at a time. This can occur, but is caused by another issue.

The bully usually will continue picking on his "victim" until that person fights back. Then the control is gone. The bully will then go on to someone else.

A bully usually isn't a very physical person, they use intimidation at first, then when they are certain the "subject" won't fight back, the physicality will start.

Invite the bully to the gym and "settle this like men". Maybe just by being defiant, the bully will go one to his next victim.

This issue will not stop until one or the other kids leaves the school or the bully is put into his place. Many times the father of the bully is a very controlling person leaving the son to feel inferior to his father and the only way he can gain back some self worth is to control another person.

I'll stop now, i tend to run on sometimes.

Michelle, good luck. I'm sorry this has gone on as long as it has. I remember you posting a message last year that your son was being bullied and you got no support from the staff at that school. I didn't realize this was an ongoing problem. I thought for sure the issue was finally taken care of. Again, I'm sorry your family has to go through this. It is a shame you had to go to the press with this issue.

Take Care!
Jim Smith

I'm so sorry for your problems. As so many here bullying was a part of my growing up. However looking back I will have to say it was different. Name calling, pushing you around, tripping in the hall etc. But what you describe isn't bullying in my book. Missing hair, scratches etc. speaks of out and out assault. It could escalate into much worse. I personally would hold both the parents and the school responsible for the acts. P.S. Photograph the injuries and discuss charges with the D.A. Perhaps a visit from the police to the parents would do wonders...

It amazes me that this has become such an issue. When I grew up ( mind you I am 41 ) we had kids that were picked on in school, but NEVER to the extent it seems it has become today. And I went to school in a major city with a large school population.

We just had a 16 y/o girl commit suicide about a month ago here due to being bullied. She not only endured it at school, but with repeated phone calls, internet harrassment, and kids showing up at places she was at. I am hard pressed to think of ANYTHING that would make me want to take my own life at 16 ( and I was abused for years before that age ).

I think a large part of what is going on is the fact that parents are so much more lenient today then in my or my parents day, and some plan out do not care. If I screwed up bad enough in school, not only did I get spanked by the principal, when I got home my mom gave me another AND then I got another when she told my dad when he got home! And I THINK I grew up to be a normal person with no ill side effects from the few spankings I got when I was a kid. Now, god forbid a teacher lay a hand on a kid. A major lawsuit, someone being fired and not once is it addressed on what the kid did to get punished in the first place.

Today kids are barely even punished it seems. And, at least around here, it seems kids have zero respect for authority. Just going to a grocery store and hearing how kids talk to their parents makes me cringe. My mom would have made my rear end sore for a week if I ever even THOUGHT of telling her to shut up! Let alone calling her a B*^@) .

I hope that your son gets these kids off his back and that he can be a normal kid and enjoy life without some idiots making his school days rough. No kid deserves to be fearful of going to school.

I was bullied big time mainly because I never was much of a sheep. If you dont follow the norm, you generally are going to get bullied. In anycase, I was passive because I am not a violent guy. This went on until grade 11when I finally had enough. One day I decided to throw a punch as hard as I could at the bullies stomach when he was poking fun at me. The fear in his cowardly eyes still makes me smile. He flinched by my punch and blocked it by chance. I was never bullied again. Bullies are always cowards. They almost only pick on those that won't fight back because they want to feel powerful. They are usually the biggest victims themselves. They come from horrible families and are often sexually abused by family members. They lose so much power at home, they try to gain it back at school.

Being older, I have seen the parents of many of the bullies. Most of them are completely useless human beings. Drug abusers, often with mental problems. They drive 25 year cars and usually live in trailers or cheap rentals. I used to hate bullies and wish they were dead when I was a kid. As an adult, I just feel sorry that the sad cycle has to continue.

My advise to your son is to get him into sports. Take him to the gym to work out. Build confidence outside of school.

i didnt watch the video but i know the pain of being bullied all too well.
my 6th grade year was as bad as it can get with the constant daily snickers, remarks, shoves, pinches, hair pulling, head slapping...& that's most of what was happening on the good days. 99% of the stuff was done out of sight from the teachers & playground supervisors and what happened on the playground was blatantly ignored by school personnel.
there's things that happened that i'm failing to mention here but it's best pointed out that even when threatened by my dad who was a cop, the school still failed to do anything about my bullies. my parents tried to have me transferred to another school but their efforts were turned down cuz it ended up being too late in the year and the other schools didnt want to go through the hassle.
i pity the kids being bullied just as much as the bullies themselves because more often then not the bullies are usually coming from very unstable home situations and the only way they've learned to cope with their feelings is to pick on someone. a kid is not born a bully, they're taught to be that way, usually influenced by their parents.
it's a sad, sick, twisted, dillusioned world we live in but the best we can do really, is to just try to get through every day doing the best and being the best that we can be despite what life throws at us.

self defense classes are a good idea. have him do mixed martial arts and boxing :D

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Originally Posted by I<3Dreamsicles

self defense classes are a good idea. have him do mixed martial arts and boxing :D

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I agree, but what does a person do when 10+ kids gang up on them?

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Originally Posted by SheenaCamp

I agree, but what does a person do when 10+ kids gang up on them?

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shoot them. or just be as cheap as possible.

or just run... lol have him join track too! lol.

in reality its not very likley that 10 bullies will team up. its usually just one kid. or there may be more than one but theyre probably not like doing it together.