Will only feed when I hold her...

Agreed, don't feed a ball python in a separate tub--it's unnecessary, and they don't usually care for it.

As a new owner and first timer in the snake world, I feed in the same tank f/t held under the heat lamp for 5 min to warm up.

A few dangle with the tongs and BAM! He has yet to show any aggression when i go in his cage to take him out or clean anything. They are smarter then we give them credit for. He KNOWS the day I plan to feed him (only a few weeks in my possession so there isnt a routine yet for him to remember), which suggests to me that he can smell the mouse in the other room defrosting.

He didnt eat the first time, but it seems to me that the trick is to get them thinking its alive.. Dangle with tongs and make sure its nice and warm to give off a heat sig.

When that doesnt work, i gentle touch the mouse to the snakes body, which scares it a little but seems to wake up the killer instinct.

Hi,
I had the very same thing with a young Royal which came to me as non-feeder. She would feed like this every 10 days or so.
She would slowly take the mouse into her mouth, no striking or coiling, all very relaxed.
She eventually started taking her meals 'normally' after about 6 months.
She is now 3 years old.
I have a number of Royals and have never experienced this before or since.

Sooner or later your gonna get bit good if you don't quit doing that. Feed it in it's enclosure.

I say you try to feed it in the enclosure, my snake seemed a little picky when I was moving him to a shoebox for a few weeks to eat and it would either take him way too long or I sould see/hear him trying to get out of the box. Since I started feeding him in his tank, he strikes immediately and goes right to work taking it down. It is a lot less stressful for them if they just eat in the environment they are used to and he has also never tried to tag me by mistaking me for food when I try to pick him up so I don't see it being a problem.

I am also going to jump on the feed in the enclosure band wagon. First it is sooooooooo much easier, and it is less stress for both you and the snake.

I haven't read where you were feeding it F/T's or P/K's. I don't have a problem with any of our guys but iffin' I did you might try getting a P/K. They are still warm and giving off tons of fresh scent, the next best thing to actually dumping live prey into the enclosure.

Either way, that's strange to say the least - unless like mentioned before it's even more stressed and that's why it does strike when being held. The problem with this theory is that it sounds like the snake isn't just tagging the prey (as they do when as if to say "Get away from me, I can't be bothered right now") but rather the snake is actually taking the prey down while being held.

LOL, I could just picture this if it got to be that way with our Blood Python when he gets full grown! One of our friends comes over and wants to see our snakes so I hand him a rabbit and sit him down on the couch... "Okay, here. You just hold this six foot 50 pound python in your lap and put the rabbit's leg in your mouth and just let it dangle..."

I got two small normals as a bit of a rescue that were habituated to feed in this way. As 08's they were small & the female in particular was underweight and a bit hollow underneath, she only weighed 245g. Not wanting to stop them feeding I carried on with theroutine but upping the food size/feeding frequency. 6 months later the female now weighs in at 720g but still feeds in the same way-she isn't agressive about it but will only strike at her d/f when I hold her over the food; it's going to get interesting as she gets bigger I suppose but she does well on it-strikes & coils around the food at which point it is very easy to put her back in her rub and she continues to eat the rat. The male has managed to break the habit & strike feeds normally in his rub (or drop feeds on leftovers-whatever, he's a dustbin). Oddly enough I have had one of my fires feed like this from my hand today; it appears that only the superconfident ones feed this way, they are not stress striking but just feel very relaxed with being handled.

Maybe you should try to give it a smaller prey..
I've had this problem before too, it almost seemed like the snake was afraid to hurt the rat!:O
And if you feed it in a seperate tub make sure you put the snake in first and wait for 10-15 minutes so he's accustomed to the tub.
Giving a snake a prey in a new enviroment doesn't work/

PS; Sorry for my bad english, I'm not english :D