Calling all Mothers

I'm considering having children. I'm going on 21 as of May and I find myself having the urge to have my first child. I had a talk with my mother about the costs of having a child and having a full time job and all that jazz. She says I'm not too young to have a child and I don't think I'm too young either but I am wanting input from mothers about the costs, pros, and cons of having a child. Are diapers really all that expensive? What are food costs like? Medical bills? I'm not really terrified of pregnancy and birth but the idea of birth is a little intimidating.

When I asked about having a full time job my mother replied "If you had a baby right now, your grandmother would quit her job, retire, and stay at home to take care of her great grandchild. That would be like heaven for her." So I'm not without a baby-sitter during the day.

And I know that having a baby does change everything. Its not all about "Can I afford to have a baby?" I will have to be mentally ready and everything like that. But I do want input from parents, not just mothers, about what its like to have your first child. The good the bad and the ugly. Share your opinions, suggestions, advice, and stories.

Well from a fathers point of view it is amazing and frustrating at the same time :D My wife and I had our first child (son) when we were in our beginning stages of our relationship, very beginning stages. She was 19 I was 20. At the time she was just working at a day care and I was bouncing around from job to job, we really didn't have much of a choice she didn't believe in abortion and I wasn't going to push the issue. Needless to say it's been 7 years we are married and have a 2 year old daughter as well. She is a stay at home mom (going to school a few days a week) and I work full time plus am starting my own company. It is ALOT of work, it never ends just when you think you are getting ahead something comes up and pushes you back. But you know what, as long as you have family that loves you and can help if the need arises you will be all set! Money can only do so much, it does help but your child will love you no matter the amount of toys you can buy him/her. As for the amount of money that you spend, it does add up especially in th early stages with diaper changes every 15 minutes and the cost of formula if you don't plan to breast feed. But it does get easier especially when they can eat real food and the poop switch goes from "super" to "slow" :D You know when your ready, you will feel that the time is right. Well enough of the mushy junk Good Luck to you, i'm sure you will make the right choice :gj:

Thanks for the input. I've wanted children for a while now and for the past year I've been having a super baby urge. I've been talking it over with my fiance and we are both getting kind of excited at the idea. We both have family that will help us out with whatever we need so no issues there. I've heard that diaper changes are terrible the first few months. I remember when my baby cousin lived with me and I had to change his diaper. I never knew that poop could smell that bad! and look that gross! Not to mention he peed on my wall!

Diaper changes are just ungodly in the early stages and very frequent. Also need protective eye/mouth ware for the little squirter's :D

My fiance and I were joking around about coming home to find me in a bio suit and holding the stinky baby with a set of tongs. I think I can handle diaper changes though.

That would be pretty funny. You kinda get "used" to it after a while. You can always throw a little dab of vasoline under your nose if it's really bad :D

Where to start LOL....

Babies are wonderful, the greatest of gifts and the deepest love you will ever know - they are also the greatest responsbility, the most work and worry and create the deepest changes in your life, yourself and your partner. I would never suggest a certain age anyone is ready to be a parent but I would say to assess things and decide if now is really the right time.

Practical things like do you have decent medical insurance? Even a straight forward, very non-technical type pregnancy and birth can run into the thousands if you don't have good coverage. Diapers are expensive and a newborn goes through about 10 a day. Formula is expensive (you can't always automatically depend on breastfeeding as an alternative).

It's very nice you have family support. That's not always the way with young parents. Do remember though it's your baby so there's a fine line of you two parenting or the grandmother's taking over. If you aren't both used to babies, you might want to try to offer someone you know with a new infant some free mother's help to see how much work goes into it.

I hope I'm not coming off as a downer here. I'm trying to be honest about parenting being a wonderous gift but also a huge responsibility and far more work than you'd believe until you're actually doing it. I grew up in a big family literally surrounded by babies. I played with them more than dolls when I was a kid LOL. Still when I had my own first baby at age 26, I was amazed at how little I really knew about the sheer work of parenting a newborn. It still amazes me for instance how much laundry an 8 lb human being can generate in a single day LOL.

Lastly, babies can bring a couple even closer together but they are a stress on a relationship and that really doesn't change as they grow up. It's always about a balance in being a parent, a loving partner, having a job outside the house, hobbies, friends and just finding time for you in that crazy mix of all you have to do in a typical day.

Basically it comes down to this, you have the luxury of deciding so take the time now to make the best decision as a couple as far as when you are ready to start your family. Everyone will have an opinion, but in the end it's you two that will know when it's right. :)

Oh and btw - I'll be 47 this coming August, I have four kids between ages 20 and 6 and I still get the "I want another baby" urge.

I just lock myself in the bathroom till it passes! :rofl:

Thankyou Joanna for your reply. About 7 years ago, I lived with my grandmother, aunt, and uncle. My aunt had her first son, Connor when they lived with us and Connor grew up during his first year in our house. While I do not claim to fully understand the responsibility (I don't think anyone fully knows until they actually have a child) I do know how much it changes everything. I wasn't even his mother and I was still caring for him. I had to deal with the crying, poop, pee, messes, and spit up just as much as anyone else in the house. And I look back on it now and I realize it wasn't as bad as I thought it was then.

We are not going to rush into this. We are going to do some research and make ourselves as prepared as we can and also talk to some doctors and I think I'm going to end up having long talks with my mother about her experiences.

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Originally Posted by Jay_Bunny

I'm considering having children. I'm going on 21 as of May and I find myself having the urge to have my first child. I had a talk with my mother about the costs of having a child and having a full time job and all that jazz. She says I'm not too young to have a child and I don't think I'm too young either but I am wanting input from mothers about the costs, pros, and cons of having a child. Are diapers really all that expensive? What are food costs like? Medical bills? I'm not really terrified of pregnancy and birth but the idea of birth is a little intimidating.

When I asked about having a full time job my mother replied "If you had a baby right now, your grandmother would quit her job, retire, and stay at home to take care of her great grandchild. That would be like heaven for her." So I'm not without a baby-sitter during the day.

And I know that having a baby does change everything. Its not all about "Can I afford to have a baby?" I will have to be mentally ready and everything like that. But I do want input from parents, not just mothers, about what its like to have your first child. The good the bad and the ugly. Share your opinions, suggestions, advice, and stories.

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21 is way too young.

Everyone I know that has had a child before the age of 25 says it was a bad idea. You're only 21, you have too long to live to be having a baby at age 21. I'm only 25, but I have many friends with children, and from what i've seen and know, it's probably not the best idea. Your life as you know it will be over.

I'm not saying you're life will be bad, but the one you know now will be done.

These are just my opinions though. If you decide to go with it then, I wish you the best.