Cleo...

Cleo's quality of life is not good...

she's not in a lot of pain physically exactly... but she's lost, confused, miserable... her eyesight, her hearing, her sense of smell have all diminished dramatically. She's doing things that don't make sense, her memory is shot, she's still losing weight and she's already just skin and bones... All the weird crazy things she's been doing is because she doesn't remember any of the attention she gets or what's going on... she can't focus on anything...anytime we leave the room she thinks we've been gone for weeks... she's trapped in her own head, distant and hardly here at all... and god... I can't remember the last time she purred... I've been in denial of how unhappy she is...

and there's nothing we can do... nothing except let her go...

nobody expected her brain to go before her kidney... we all thought that was what would take her... but it's possible she has a lesion on her brain in addition to the senility... but we can't afford sticking a camera up Unut's sinuses, let alone brain scans and brain surgery... and at Cleo's age, neither can she... and whatever this is is making her diabetes worse, and everything else worse... mentally, emotionally, she is not herself at all... and she hasn't been for a few weeks now... its time to face that and deal with it... she's been suffering through treatment after treatment for all of these problems, which keep piling up... my poor baby...

for now, the doctor gave us some pain med for her, to hopefully help her calm down a bit at night, to relax her. We're trying to make her as comfortable as possible right now. We need time. i know thats selfish, but she's... 18 years with my special girl.... I need some time to say goodbye... Everything's been revolving around her for months, trying to give her the best care and keep her quality of life up... there's only so much we can do...

In case i don't post again for a while, I'm thankful this thanksgiving for these 18 years... she's an amazing cat... so sweet, so loving, so quirky... she's been my daughter and my grandmother, sometimes both in the same day... I love her so much I can't even describe. She's been there for me when I've felt utterly alone, hurt, depressed... she always knew when I needed her... she'd take on my tears without complaint, even though she hated getting wet... she could cheer me up, make us laugh, and I used to be able to get her purring just by coming over and looking at her...I miss her. I've missed her for a while now, and I know I'll miss her even mor when she's physically not here, even though things have been so trying...

http://pics.livejournal.com/medusasowl/pic/000t2b8z

I love you Cleo... I want to do the best thing for you... I just need some selfish time with you to say goodbye...

Aum Pashupataye Namah...

I'm sorry hun.. Miss Cleo is a gorgeous lady. I know it may not help, but if you can find some Rescue Remedy made by Bach's, it may help her be able to calm down and relax. It's just flower essences and very safe. I've used it on a few rats who had chronic lung problems and would have panic attacks because they didn't think they could breathe.

Do you have pictures of her of how you remember her(the real Cleo)? I know how it can be when you don't feel that they are there anymore. It's almost a comfort though, knowing they may already be happy and playing again somewhere.

Very sorry to hear she's not doing well. While saying goodbye, just remember the great 18 years you've shared. Most animals don't get that long of a life filled with so much love.

As far as yourself, I hope you find comfort in knowing you have done all you can in giving her a wonderful life. We share our homes with them and get so much in return.

Being so close to her, you'll know when it is time. I admire you for sticking by her and helping her along for this long. I wish you my sympathy and it really seems to me that you've done all that you could and made her have the best life ever possible.

Tears sweetie, big fat tears running down my face. I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug.

I'm so sorry!!! I know how you feel, about a year ago I lost my best friend, a big male Maine Coon cat mix named Donovan. He adopted me right after I moved away from home, and he helped me deal with being lonely and alone in a strange state. He put up with 2 husbands, dogs, other cats, several moves. No matter what else I lost or what else went wrong he was always there. I had 17 wonderful years with him.
All of my sympathy to you and to Cleo!!!!! *big hug*

*wipes away tears*

I'm not good at saying much about such painful times...except I know how you feel when I lost my Cato last fall...you'll know when the time is right.


*biig, biiiiiiig hug* :(

Just an update...

the appointment has been made for Tuesday. I wanted to put it off longer, at least till December, but I just can't do that too her... she's been yowling miserably so much now that she's lost her voice and it's little more than a croak... nothing we do helps. I've had my doubts back and forth about doing this, but we're sure now that it's the right thing...

I haven't been sleeping, really, and I seem to have caught a sore throat and fever of some kind since Thanksgiving. The only thing that even got me through Thanksgiving was being asked questions about snakes... distraction is good. Distraction and Nyquil. I feel horrible on many levels.

I've definitely had better birthdays. Anytime I let myself think, I just start crying. Thank you for all of your kind thoughts and sympathies... it means a lot, and I know so many of us have been through this with a beloved pet... We've done all we can. At least now we can make it easier on her. I don't think anything can make it easier on us. :depressed

You guys have done so much for her...far more than most owners would, and I know that for a fact. Letting them go is never easy, because we love them so much but I know that you know that you are doing the right thing for Cleo. A graceful exit is the last trust we carry for them. Huge *hugs* to you guys.

Oohh :tears:

Hug Cleo, hug Karen, hug every living thing in your house...it's okay to cry. I know how much it hurts. Sun will keep rising and we all love you very much. *huuuuuuuug*