For the Texans

Well this will only be funny to those familiar with the DFW area, but I loved it when I got it a couple of years ago. It came in my email again today, and it was just as funny now, so I had to share :cool:

Anyone who has ever been lost in Dal-lus can relate to this, so enjoy!


So Y'all are fixin to come to Dallas. Hyars some advice ta help y'all get by.

First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules ..."Hold on and pray."

There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.

All directions start with, "Get on Beltline" ... which has no beginning and no end. (It REALLY DOESN'T!!!)

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooo much fun with that we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth!"

If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators, and remember, its legal to be armed in Texas.

All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period. And remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.

Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road ... all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the South end it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and Highway 5. It ends in Sherman.

If asking directions in Irving or SE Dallas, you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you better be armed (and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas).

A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental!!

It is possible to be driving West in the North-bound lane of East Northwest Highway. Don't let this confuse you.

The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR. It also ends in Sherman.

LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, and it is springtime, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round. If it is autumn, then the state fair is in full swing.

If you go to the Fair, pay the $8.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park. Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him.

Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

Final Warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers. Remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.

:8: Yes!!!

I thought you might get a kick out of that ;)

BTW, I think Becky and I are planning on hitting Scarborough Saturday!

And believe me, I will run those little blue-haired ladies off the road!

Saturday will be fun for sure! :)

Gah, those people scare me! I think we're averaging about 3 houses a week being hit by blue-hairs.

Are you going to dress up? I'm thinking I might, since it won't be hot this year.

I dunno! I don't have anything to dress up in, unless it constitutes jeans and a tshirt ;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SarahMB

I thought you might get a kick out of that ;)

BTW, I think Becky and I are planning on hitting Scarborough Saturday!

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Agh... :( Got a date to build a rat rack! hahaha..... really! :P

Take ALOT of pix!!!! :) Wish I could be there....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SatanicIntention

I dunno! I don't have anything to dress up in, unless it constitutes jeans and a tshirt ;)

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Ok, well then I'm not going to, lol.

Awww, sorry you can't make it, Laura. Would have been great to see you again!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SarahMB

Ok, well then I'm not going to, lol.

Awww, sorry you can't make it, Laura. Would have been great to see you again!

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I know... I look forward to seeing you again too... we'll figure something out! :D
We need a BPNet Pink Ladies, or something! :P

:rofl: That's awesome!!


I grew up in the D/FW area...and actually lived in Oak Cliff for a couple of years in my "young adult" days. Scarey place, that! Remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas! (But I'd reckon all the arms I saw and heard in those two years fell somewhere beneath that legal definition! :O :P )

Scarborough sounds great! I used to go every year as a teen. I'll have to make an effort to plan ahead next year and take my daughter. I'm sure she'd love it! Please post lots of pics!!!