My fiance's father passed away last night

My future father-in-law died last night. He died in the rehab wing of a nursing home. They found him unresponsive in his room and called 911. They gave him CPR all the way from the rehab center to the emergency room of the hospital and they continued to give CPR once he arrived at the ER of the hospital. No one knows how long he went without breathing. He had many serious health problems and fell twice here at home and fractured some bones. I feel like this all my fault because I had two nervous breakdowns while taking care of him, I couldn't cope. My anxiety and bipolar always cause me to fail. I tried my best and it just wasn't good enough. I have a very strong feeling of guilt over all of this. My fiancé has no family left, he was adopted by his father and mother. He has no siblings but I am going to be strong for him because he has been here for me through some of my worst days. Together, my fiancé and I will get through this and move on in life. We are looking to get our own house as soon we can. I am taking medical transcription classes online because I want to do this from home as a job. I guess life just has to go on.

So sorry for your loss. I know it must be hard, but please don't blame yourself. His health issues would have been there regardless of what you did. Even if you did EVERYTHING 100% spot on perfect, which NOBODY does, he still would have had health issues. Falling is an accident and can happen to anybody, even if all safety measures are taken. Don't beat yourself up, be there for your fiance and mourn the way you need to.
My thoughts are with you and your fiance.

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Originally Posted by ballpythonluvr

My future father-in-law died last night. He died in the rehab wing of a nursing home. They found him unresponsive in his room and called 911. They gave him CPR all the way from the rehab center to the emergency room of the hospital and they continued to give CPR once he arrived at the ER of the hospital. No one knows how long he went without breathing. He had many serious health problems and fell twice here at home and fractured some bones. I feel like this all my fault because I had two nervous breakdowns while taking care of him, I couldn't cope. My anxiety and bipolar always cause me to fail. I tried my best and it just wasn't good enough. I have a very strong feeling of guilt over all of this. My fiancé has no family left, he was adopted by his father and mother. He has no siblings but I am going to be strong for him because he has been here for me through some of my worst days. Together, my fiancé and I will get through this and move on in life. We are looking to get our own house as soon we can. I am taking medical transcription classes online because I want to do this from home as a job. I guess life just has to go on.

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My deepest sympathy goes out to you and your fiance' over the loss. It's always painful to lose a loved one and never gets easy to deal with. However you have to know that all of your emotions at this point are normal and part of the grieving process. Although you may feel like it's all your fault it most certainly is not! We have no control over fate. It is a part of life and death. You said you tried your best... and that's all we have is our best to offer. We do our best bc that is the most that we can do. The rest is out of our hands and that's the way you have to look at it. Grieving is a process and takes us through a gamut of emotions all of which is normal and takes time. Stay strong for you first and everything else will follow. Stay in peace and not pieces too. :please:

Your fiance's father's death is NOT YOUR FAULT. Feeling guilty is a natural part of the grieving process. It is normal to think "What if I had just..." because that's how we learn from our experiences. Unfortunately that doesn't take into account the simple fact that we all get old, and one day we will all die despite the best efforts of our loved ones and our doctors.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Just the fact that you are feeling guilty means that you did everything in your power to help out to the point of breaking. I know because this is what my mom did for my brother. I do know that without her no one would have cared and he would have been much worse off. Getting close to someone and pouring out your life like you did is an honorable thing that not many people have the will power to do.

i'm sorry for your loss. sending positive vibes your way~~~
:grouphug:

I’m so sorry. Try not to blame yourself, taking care of people is a lot of work that even large families struggle with. Choosing a facility with a full staff of round-the-clock professional caretakers is *not* failure.


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My condolences.

It's okay to grieve but you cannot beat yourself over this. Some things are just out of your control. But you have worked so hard to get better. I recall that your fiance was very supportive of you and he needs you now. Stay strong, stay loved.

<3

:grouphug: