I Guess It Is Time To Give Up?

I still live with my mother to help raise my brother. She has a deathly fear of snakes and for years I have been asking her to allow me to keep a snake in my room but her answer is always the same "Why do you push me like this. You know I am scared of them and you just like to push me because you are selfish" or something along those lines. It was always my dream to own a snake and I have tried to help my mother by trying to show her and let her interact with Ball pythons but she will not cooperate. I offer to help her through her phobia almost everyday but she is just so stubborn. She is divorced and raising my little brother so I can't move out beause I am basically his dad so I guess this is it. I am giving up on my dream, at least for now. It will be a good 7 years before I can move out so I guess I have to say good bye to ball pythons and hello to more stress and a stubborn mom.Fun.

Has anyone else had an experience like this?

She does not have to cooperate, HER house HER rules. :gj:

The thing is been there done that my parents were against snakes and I survived, it was their house and their rules and this is the way it should be and I respected that. I moved out at 18 traveled a lot, lived in different countries (so good thing I did not have a snake) and one day I settled down and starting collecting snakes than and now I have a room full.

If you are passionate now you still will be in 2, 5 10 or even 20 years from now.

It's not the end of the world.

Never give up the dream. :) You may just have to put it on the back burner until you are in a position to run your own household, since your mother does not want a snake in her house. It'll happen one day, when you've got your own snake-friendly environment, if you want it to happen!

You can still get a job and move into your own place nearby, and still help out with your brother. Just make sure the landlord is ok with you having snakes.

Heck you can even take your brother to your place and introduce him to your snakes.

Your presentation is passive-agressive.

You are not anyone's "dad."
You are living under your mother's roof. Presumably she supports the two of you?
She is not beholden to your opinion, nor ours for that matter.

You also don't give sufficient information to form any opinion.
What is this about seven years?
How old are you?

When you are capable of moving out, and paying your own bills, you will be free to do more of what you want.
No one can legally hold you hostage once you are of age. (I am assuming you haven't been declared to be of unsound mind, nor in legal trouble she has taken responsibility for.)

Why is "give up," in your post title? You just have to wait, that's all.
You are not entitled.

I agree, it's her house and her rules... but if that's the way she expresses it, it sounds like there is probably more going on between you than just a disagreement about snakes. I don't know how old you are; but if you really are living there in order to help with your brother because it's the right thing to do (as opposed to living there because you can't afford not to) maybe it's also fair to make more of your own lifestyle choices, since you are an independent adult contributing to the household in a material way.

Of course, that opens cans of all kinds of worms regarding adult children's relationships with their parents in general, and your relationship with yours in particular; if a bunch of random snake enthusiasts on the internet shouldn't try to diagnose a mild RI in someone's pet, you definitely don't need us all analyzing your relationship with your mother.

But maybe another strategy is to promise that you will keep the snake away from her and she never has to see it or be in the same room with it, you will get your own freezer for feeders, and you promise you won't ever bring up the subject of phobias or give her a hard time about not liking snakes. Her end of the deal is she let's you have the pet you want; your end is that you let her have her opinions and phobias and don't needle her about it.

Maybe you could volunteer at a shelter to get you reptile fix. If there's one around. Maybe you could get a job at a pet store.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bcr229

You can still get a job and move into your own place nearby, and still help out with your brother. Just make sure the landlord is ok with you having snakes.

Heck you can even take your brother to your place and introduce him to your snakes.

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i agree with BCR. u can have your own roof and rules and still be helpful to your mom and lil brother.


edit: either way, don't give up.

My parents would never allow me to get a snake. Now at 25 I look after my dad from a distance and got my own snake. I always knew I would get one when I was ready and setup in my own place. I didn't even bother asking them 2x because the answer would have been the same. I'm not sure if you work or not but having a reptile is expensive and an ongoing expense. One day you will get one, try to make it apart of your lifetime goals. Do good in school and strive towards a future that will allow you to afford snakes.

Life is cruel and unfortunately it sounds like you are learning that at a young age. Trust me though family is all you have in this world, try to put yourself in your moms shoes at times too. Even though we're not all dealt the best cards life is what you make it. Stay positive !

Let me tell you something about women... Asking her every day, mentioning it every day.... You have pretty much guaranteed a "no".

Now its its not only a phobia, but annoyance. No woman ever gives in after you annoyed, scared, and argued with her.