Who wants to pick apart my personal statement to the university?

Looking for somebody to review my personal statement I am submitting with my application to The Evergreen State College. Some of you may have read my previous posts asking about online schools... I've decided I don't want to waste money on a degree that will keep me right where I am, pencil pushing and destroying my eyes and wrists as I stare into a computer screen for hours on end, typing away.

Therefore, I have decided to complete my education at The Evergreen State College, in zoology/biology. I need somebody with a good eye for detail that can pick apart my personal statement (which I'm already struggling to keep within the 200-500 word recommendation), and help me refine it into something I can submit and be proud of.

So.. who wants to help me? I already have something written, but looking now to fix it up. I can send through private message, or email :)

Thanks in advance to anybody who is kind enough to play teacher for a little while!

Send it to me, my girlfriend is a literature major in college and helped me completely rewrite mine, I'm sure she can help you as well.

Turns out I need to email it. PM sent, but not enough room to actually put the whole thing :P

I can certainly give it a look!