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Judy's Weightloss Journey

Day Fifteen

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It's a quiet day today. Hubby has been out of town a lot...was gone last week...home for the weekend, and then left again today. It's always more challenging when he's away.

I feel like I'm failing...again. It's all so frustrating. On the one hand, I've got that scolding voice in my head that says, "You know what to just do it!" (Often followed by some not so nice language to myself that I would never dream of using on anyone else. ) And then there is the other voice that soothes, "You don't need this trouble. Just be happy with what you are." Only that "soothing" voice also feels a bit slimy and disturbing, like an oily used-car salesman.

There's that old philosophy about life being too short to waste it on should be happy and eat what makes you feel good...blah blah blah. But that doesn't really work if you feel like crap because you're so heavy. And it's not just self-esteem and body-images I'm talking about. I absolutely hate that I get breathless so easily...that my knees sometimes hurt...that I feel so stiff after sitting for awhile...that I dread the coming snow because the family will want to go skiing and I am just too heavy to do it. And of course, there is always the mental/emotional side of it's really hard to be happy when you feel like you're taking up too much space all the time. And other, deeper, more personal issues that aren't suitable for a public blog. much for encouraging myself, eh? Or you? Well...there you have it...some insight into the heart of an overweight soul. People who have never had a weight problem usually just don't get it. People who have never struggled with an addiction usually don't get it. I'm sure it's beyond my meager means to help them to. But regardless...the struggles are real...they're deep...and can often feel insurmountable.

I know these trials are NOT insurmountable. I know it. I've gotta just keep on keepin' on. I'll keep writing, even if no one is reading. On a day like today, quite frankly, the blog is the only thing I've done right. But at least there is that. Tomorrow is another day.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.
2 Corinthians 4:16,17

^^^ I need to return and read this one daily. Yes, I am going to struggle. But I am not going to lose heart.

-- Judy

Updated 09-14-2010 at 12:01 AM by JLC



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