Sister

[Jay_Bunny]

I'm in need of some advice. I know I complain a lot on the boards and come to you guys for a lot of advice....often, but this is something I really can't make up my mind about.

I was so excited to learn my sister was coming home. To make a long story short, when my brother, mother, and I lived out in Powhatan, we rented rooms from a friend of hers who had a nice house. He wanted to adopt a child and did so, my mom falling into the roll of mom and us her siblings. When we moved back to Richmond, my mom moved somewhere else, and the family friend moved to the other side of Richmond with Courtney, my sister. When Courtney was 11, she was taken away from Mike because she was "uncontrollable". (Mike is in a wheelchair) and she went into the system for about 3 years. My mom spent those three years trying to get her back and finally they agreed. She came home, everything was great and life went on.

But, over the past 6 months, things have gone downhill. My mom drinks...a lot. And she blames all her life's problems on Courtney. My brother (19) has turned to drinking as well and both he and my mom constantly verbally abuse Courtney. She is constantly nagged about her weight (she weighs 135lbs, which is not fat), her hair, how she walks, talks, and eats. She does 80% of the chores in the house and does them purely to make my mom happy and all my mom does is find more flaws to yell about. My mom goes through a $50 bottle of Jack by herself in about a week or two, and she only uses about 4oz per drink. That's a lot of alcohol. She's almost always got a drink in her hand. When my sister took my car for a joy ride and smashed the front end, instead of me being the one who is angry and being hurt, I end up having to protect my sister. My mom was threatening to kick her out and telling her she is the reason why she drinks and and all that. I was prepared to take my sister with me that night, away from my mother.

I have a few options. I can either contact social services and tell them about the situation and have Courtney removed from the house, but she'd be put back in the system. Or, my sister could talk to my grandmother and try and move in with her. Or, my sister could come live with me. I won't have my sister abused in this way, but I just don't know what to do.

*sigh*. I don't expect you guys to tell me what to do, but some words of comfort or advice would be nice right now.

[katiadarling]

I'm totally stuffed and a little buzzed from Thanksgiving activities, but just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're in such a tough position. I don't have any advice at the moment, but I'll think on it.

[Jay_Bunny]

Thanks. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest and maybe seek some advice. I just don't know what to do.

[SecurityStacey]

As a person that has had a lot of experience with the system - both when I was younger and now with my mom and my little brothers - she deserves better than to be in a home that doesn't care about her. Call social services and have them place her somewhere that will take proper care of her - being "in the system" was better for me than living with a parent that drank and was abusive.

[Jay_Bunny]

But the thing is, she was already taken from her family once. I'm not sure I can be the person to have her taken from her family for a second time. I'm going to talk to my grandmother when she gets back from vacation and see what she thinks.

[hondo1967]

I m sorry for your situation,1st you should maybe talk to your grandma about the situation and second try and get your mom to stop drinking. Dont no how old you are but it seems like your a nice person so dont fall into the patterns of your mom by drinking. It doesnt help anything and only hurts. Maybe your grandmother can help. I hope that helps a little

[SecurityStacey]

But the thing is, she was already taken from her family once. I'm not sure I can be the person to have her taken from her family for a second time. I'm going to talk to my grandmother when she gets back from vacation and see what she thinks.

I'm sorry but it sounds like her family isn't taking very good care of her, which would make her better off somewhere else.

[wilomn]

IF you can take care of her, not just give her a place to camp out, then, were I you, I'd take her in.

It sucks to be in the situation you're in but if you don't do something it won't get better.

Best of luck and know that there are those who care.

[Thor26]

But the thing is, she was already taken from her family once. I'm not sure I can be the person to have her taken from her family for a second time. I'm going to talk to my grandmother when she gets back from vacation and see what she thinks.

from what ive read shes is not with a "family" a family does not treat a "family" member like that. sounds to me like your the only person that truly cares about her.

[Jay_Bunny]

There is no getting my mom to stop. If I know anything about my mother its that she knows what she is doing and regardless of how other people view her or feel about it, she's going to do what she wants.

My grandmother cares about her. My mom cares about her too, but her caring nature is blocked by all this alcohol and heated arguments. The girl isn't doing well in school, she has no social life. All she does is go to school, come home, do chores and watch t.v in her room. *bangs head on wall*

I will talk to my husband about taking her in. I have already told her she can come here if she feels the need too. The main problem is getting her to school and back.