A Reminder to Us All

[JLC]

I'm "reprinting" this from the "Does my snake love me" thread...because I think it's important and I don't want it to get lost in that long, rambling thread that most people don't even look at anymore.

I don't really care to argue whether snakes are capable of emotion and/or to what level, because it's all speculative. I do know humans are capable of emotion, however, and that the way some of you treat each other is downright unnecessary and appallingly unkind. I saw a lot of it in this thread and it upset me a lot.

There is no reason to be cutting. It doesn't promote your point of view... at all. If anything, it turns people off to it and makes them write you off as conversationally not worth while. I see it all over this forum. I hear people complain about it all the time. I think this is the kind of thing Brian was talking about the other day on Reptile Radio, and it sucks.

Unfortunately, this is true of all Internet forums. And really, any human society. It's just that on the Internet, people feel more free to be snotty to each other than they would face-to-face. But they're still just as snotty in their hearts in real life, if they behave that way in the semi-anonymous venue of a forum.

The problem is, we can't legislate "nice". We can't make rules that force people to be kind and generous and patient and understanding. We can't control the fact that some people are just naturally abrassive, even if they are kind hearted. And we can't control the fact that some people behave rudely just to entertain themselves and see how much drama they can start without actually breaking any rules.

The best we can do is set a good example and use community "peer pressure" to help people learn to get along with each other. And I'd say that BP.net does a much better job of it than 95% of all other forums of similar size and nature.

If someone feels that this sort of thing is becoming a problem...the very best thing to do is set the example by being kind and patient to everyone, even those who annoy you. Complaining about it openly only makes things worse by making it appear to be a far more prevelant problem than it really is. Although I'll say this...one benefit to a public complaint is it gives me a chance to step in and remind everyone to try a little harder to be nice and remember that people aren't going to come and learn how to do better if we make them feel stupid or drive them away with sarcasm or elitist attitudes.

[frankykeno]

Excellent reminder to us all Judy. I would comment however that the quoted post makes reference to something discussed on Reptile Radio that was specifically about another forum - not BPNet. What problems they may or may not have there, are not ours to "own". We can only do what we do best here, despite the occasional bump in our road but a timely reminder is always a good thing.

[pythontricker]

That was deep! props!

[Morphie]

I wasn't complaining about BPnet's particular flavor of dealing with those undesirable behaviors. I'm very much a fan of the concept of self-government. I prefer that the people in control only exercise their powers when truly necessary and not unless.



What i was upset about was the ability (or apparent lack thereof) of some individuals to control themselves so as not to cause other members to feel mistreated or disrespected. Our mothers all warned us away from these behaviors (although they can be very tempting) for a reason. They help nothing and make the world a worse place instead of better.

I hoped by pointing it out, people would look more carefully at themselves - not that the admins of BPnet would make and enforce more rules. You guys are doing a fine job and i wouldn't have it any other way. The responsibility of peoples' behaviors lie within the respective individual, and i blame no one but that individual in particular when boundaries are crossed.

I could go on and on about a philosophical tie into the practicalities of anarchy or minimalist government and how these sorts of representative behaviors damage any hope... but i'll stop there.