You know if someone is from southern, middle or northern Illinois as soon as they open their mouth.

When you say "the city" - you mean Chicago.

You don't pronounce the "S" in Illinois like the rest of the world.

Down south to you means Kentucky

You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines"

You think Chicago is a completely different state from Illinois.

You drink "pop."

Chicago has only two seasons: winter and construction.

If they can dye the river green on one day, why can't they dye it blue the other 364?

You know Elvis is dead because he's registered to vote in Chicago.

~*~

In Chicago politics, if you're losing, you can always go dig up a couple more votes.

~*~

Chicago was founded when someone visited New York and said, "I like the crime, the crowding and the poverty, but I think it should be colder."

You know the difference between The Loop and Downtown.
You measure distance in minutes. As in, "it's about fifteen minutes from here."
You can name three or four extra taxes nobody else pays.
You know dead people who voted.
You know how to pronounce Des Plaines.
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. As in, "If you're going to the store, I wanna come with."
Da is a proper definite article.
You expect corruption in local politics.
Anything south of I-80 is southern Illinois.
You can distinguish between the 312, 773, 630, 708, 217 815 and 847 area codes.
You know what Kennedy, Dan Ryan, Eisenhower, Edens, and Bishop Ford, have in common and curse one of them daily.
You carry jumper cables in your car.
You have used furniture to guard your parking space in the winter.
You understand what "lake-effect" means.
You know what goes on a Chicago style hot dog.

The steal bars on the windows in Cicero aren't for decoration. Neither are the ones in Maywood, Broadvies, The Westside, the South West side, the South side or the Northwest side.

You know where these Sides start and end.

It's not legal to carry a gun, but that doesn't stop anybody from having at least a Mac-10 under their seat.

You know not to take Roosevelt from Des Plains Ave. to Harlem at any point on Sunday.

Police don't take you in for DUI. They pull everything out of your car, kick the $*** out of you (even if you are laying on the ground half passed out drunk), take your money, then pick you up and put you back in your car.

Police don't ask for ID if you are stopped. They simply check your mouth, tag of your shirt, socks, scrotum and butt, then let you go. If they find dope they punch you in the kidney and take it, but then you can go. If it's crappy dope they do the same, but the punch you twice and yell at you for waisting their time.

If you like to wear black and red, you know what areas you don't travel to. If you wear Black and gray, you know what areas you don't travel to. If you wear black and gold you know what areas you don't travel to. If you wear black and beige you can'r go anywhere without being beat, stabbed or shot.

You know about lower Wacker and it's inhabitants.

You know that wearing Cubbie blue on the South side id more dangerous than any of the above mensioned colors, as is wearing a Sox jersey up North.

You know what the nation's real K-town is, and not to go near it.

You know what the wild hundreds are, and not to go near them.

You know that Maywood is no safer during the day than it is at night.

It is common to see a 28 year old man with his 15 year old son and his friends selling crack.

It is common for a black girl to beat your manly @$$.

It is just as common for a group of gangbangers to beat up a girl.

Although rare, I have seen a drive-by done by canoe late at night.

You know the differences between the Blue line, the other blue line, the yellow line, the red line, the green line, the brown line, the purple line and the orange line, but you know that they all suck.