Feisty Mama!

[xdeus]

So last night I go into my snake room to do a quick check before bed. I'm pretty sure they just finished watching some snake-fight movie like "Snakes on a Plane" or "Anaconda" because most of them were in the 'S' position eyeballing me in a threatening way. Their adrenaline was pumping and they were just looking for some schmoe to cruise by so they can unleash their fury. Of course *I* happened to be that schmoe... You just know they were thinking "Tha's right.. WEST side, mofo! Don't even come close 'cuz I'll pop a cap in yo azz, beeyotch!"

So I start opening up cages and it turns out they were more bark than bite. They didn't even bother hissing at me, instead they give me a look like "Sheesh, I was just kidding man. Can't you even take a joke?".

Of course that was before I got to my main gal... MAPLE. Maple is one of my favorite snakes. Not just because she gave me my only clutch this year, but she has 'tude. You never quite know where she's coming from, and she'll keep you on your toes. Anyway, I think she's been planning this night for weeks. Probably ever since I grabbed her neck and pulled her off of her clutch. You just know she stays up late chatting with the other snakes, making all the plans, covering any unexpected scenarios that might come up. All for this... one... night. HER night. The night she'll get back at the evil dude that grabbed her at her weakest most vulnerable moment and took her away from her eggs.

So I cautiously approach her tub and pull it out about an inch to peek inside. I see a little flighty movement that makes me wonder what's going on with her. I slowly approach the bin and start to pull it out when all of a sudden... WHAM!! Before I can think "What the f..?!"... actually, before I can think "Wh..?!" she pulls some sort of Cirque du Soleil move that she must of picked up during her time on the road when she joined a circus. She gets her fat head out of that ONE INCH gap that I left, bites me square on my palm, and retracts back into her tub. And I'm left standing there looking at the blood pooling in my hand wondering "What just happened here?".

Ball Pythons are sort of like the labrador retrievers of the snake world, and quite frankly most of them are sort of the goofy, not the brightest labrador retrievers. You know the type... the kind that have that goofy grin on their face and they're always tilting their heads because they don't really know what's going on most of the time. Balls are a lot like that. They're cute, they hiss, sometimes they'll strike... but it's usually a pretty slow strike or they'll just bump into you. Not Maple. She's like the BCI of my Balls... fast and accurate.

Getting back to my hand, I'm standing there looking at the blood pooling and of course after the shock wears off I'm left pondering "is this picture worthy"? Obviously there was blood, but there wasn't a lot of gore. I quickly thought of Jamie's post when he was bitten by his Boa and how much flack he got because you couldn't see any bones or tendons exposed (I admit that I was a member of that flack committee). And my bite was way less impressive than that one, so I thought I would save myself from the humiliation and not get any photographic evidence of the attack. So unfortunately you'll just have to use your imagination and visualize all of the blood that was pouring out of my gaping wound and splattering all over the walls like some sickening CSI episode (the original, not the Miami or NY one).

Afterwards I get cleaned up and pull out the tub to take Maple out. By now she's puppy dog tame again and is looking at me with those cute little Labrador Retriever eyes all innocent-like... all the mean while planning her next big vengeful attack on me.

My wife asked me "I bet you want to get rid of her now, don't you?". I tell her "No way, I want 10 more just like her!". Nothing cooler than a feisty mama!

[JLC]

Hahaha! GREAT story!!! You have a gift for writing!

[lillyorchid]

That gave me something to smile over while I'm sitting here eating my lunch.
Great story man!

[SnakieMom]

Holy cow....that story just made my day! I love the way you write, and I'm very glad you shared that humor.

[bchapman]

pictures!!!


blood is blood

[xdeus]

Thanks. Sorry, no pictures. I might try to take some tonight and photoshop some gore into it.

[daaangconcepts]

Wow. When I first pulled up this post, I was thinking...Ahhh geeez that's alot of words. So I started to read it, and I enjoyed it!! You have a skill for writing.

[bchapman]

Thanks. Sorry, no pictures. I might try to take some tonight and photoshop some gore into it.

[Melicious]

Have to love stories like that. Glad she didn't hurt you too bad. I think everyone will have a Maple in their collection at least once throughout their lifetime.

[rabernet]

Awesome story telling! Go Maple!