Any others who don't want to have kids?

[Ginevive]

I am finding myself seemingly a member of a minority; adults who do not wish to have children. At work, I am in a department of roughly 40 people; ALL of them have kids. 90 percent of the people I hung out with in high school have one or more kids already.
I am 25, living happily with my boyfriend and my pets; we have discussed marriage but really see nothing wrong with life the way it is now. This has no bearing on the kid thing though; I just don't feel any urge, any desire to have kids. I have a strong nurturing instinct, as most women (and maybe men) do; but I spend a ton of time caring for our pets (the horses especially, but also things like cleaning tanks, etc.) as well as tending a garden and housework, not to menthin working over 40 hours a week.
So am I just an oddball? I get alot of the "so, when ya's having kids?" thing at work, family gatherings, etc. and I always reply with "we have animals." Your thoughts on this?

[frankykeno]

Gin, even though or maybe because I have four kids, I think I get what you are saying here. If your life is what you want it to be and you are content, that's just fine. Whatever society, your co-workers or family thinks...in the end it's you that will birth and raise the children (hopefully with your partner's assistance of course). Only you can decide and be okay with that decision.

At 25 you also have years upon years of fertility left if you ever decide you do want a child after all. These days women have choices and the ability to bear children safely much later in life than even one generation before us so no need to rush any decision. If in the end you decide to not have children, there's no reason to justify that to anyone..it's a personal decision after all.

Quite honestly there's far too many folks in this world that had kids that shouldn't have or had them for all the wrong reasons. At least you are making a conscious well thought out decision and no one can or should critize you for that.

I had my first child at 26, my fourth at almost 40. There were folks that wondered why I "waited so long to have my first" and then wondered why I had one "so late in life"...geesh...people are rude to be so nosey about what is really none of their dang business LOL

[Ginevive]

Thanks; it seriously is a relief to hear some support My family really doesn't bug me about this; it is more like coworkers and family friends. My boyfriend already has a daughter from a previous relationship, and she is arond 9 yrs. old. He doesn't have custody but sees her pretty often. He has no desire to have more kids, so I guess I have found my match I guess the real trouble would be, if one of us wanted to and the other didn't.

[JLC]

Gin, I think it's very wise to know yourself well enough to recognize what you truly want, and not give in to the enormous peer pressure or societal "norms" about having kids. You may change your mind someday, as Jo pointed out, but you may not.


I have two very dear friends, both are married to wonderful guys and live a relatively high income lifestyle. And both of them have chosen to not have children. One, because she's an officer in the Air Force, and she knows she couldn't bear the thought of a daycare raising her child, nor bear the thought of being away for months at a time. So she'd have to choose between a child and a career she loves. I totally respect her decision, and believe she is much much wiser than so many women who try to have kids and a heavy career at the same time. And my other friend is more like you are sounding...in that she and her husband just never had that urge to have kids. They love other people's children...get along great with them...are very loving, caring, nurturing people. I think they'd make great parents. But they don't want to be parents, and again, I completely respect that.

Having 3 kids myself, I can easily see all the great reasons not to. Know your heart, and savor your life! But be ready for the onslaught of people who assume "everyone" wants kids and wonder why you don't....and the multitude of busybodies who will try to convince you that you're making a mistake. You will find them everywhere. Probably most especially from the segment of those parents who had children without ever giving it any conscious thought whatsoever....and they can't stand to see a grown, responsible adult who is free of the huge responsibility they must bear.

[frankykeno]

Those are the same kind of people, sadly most often other women, who when you do get pregnant proceed to tell you every scarey birthing story they can think of....blech!

[Mina]

Gin,

No, you aren't crazy, wrong or sillly. I'm 42, and now am married to my 2nd husband who will be 30 shortly. I don't have any children, nor do I have the desire for them.
I do like children, I have two young neices who I adore, I just do not want one of my own.
My aunt is a minister who works at her churches national headquarters and is in charge of national youth ministry. She will be 53 in December, has no children, and never wanted any. She is happy, healthy and successful.
Just because most people do have kids, you aren't wrong to not do so. It is a personal choice, it just isn't the one most people make.
Mina

[daniel1983]

I know what you are talking about Gin. Katie and I get asked the same questions all the time. We want to have kids SOMEDAY, but not right now.....that is just hard to explain to people sometimes.

On a related note, I read an article in some sociology journal that a number of people our age are 'substituting' animals for children because they are either not ready to have kids or do not want to have kids. That is one main reason for the very large increase in pet ownership for people in their twenties during the last decade or so. I will see if I can find a copy of the article...it was very interesting to read.

[Blu Mongoose]

I raised 2 boys who I love very much. Now they are grown and have families of their own. I am in a relationship with someone now who says she never wants to have children. I don't see a problem at all with that. Some people place all their self worth into getting married and having kids. I feel if the woman is the one to have to give birth it is her decision. Many families put pressure on people to start a family. I feel if someone really wants children thats fine, but if kids aren't for you don't worry about it. What makes you happy??!! Children are a major responsibility. If you like the way things are now then refraining from having kids is the most responsible approach rather than caving in to peer pressure. Many people love kids yet choose to not have any of their own.

[Ginevive]

Thanks for your replies; I am glad I am not alone on this

[Vomitore]

I personally don't want kids of my own. However, if I meet a girl who has kids (90% of the time haha) I have no problem with them. I just have this weird thing about me. I know they say there's a joy of having kids, but to see my wife go through labor would kill me to see her in that much pain.