Things being a parent taught me...

[frankykeno]

Well this came to mind after the whole injuries thread so I just had to share LOL:

1. Sex...it makes babies! Babies make sure you never have time to think about it again. Don't whine...it's your fault anyways.

2. Don't get attached to your favorite clothing. They will leak every fluid they possess on it...repeatedly. Leather never smells the same and forget that beautiful sweater you paid a lot for....it's just never going to be right again. (Kayte still owes me for my best red cashmere sweater which apparently made her repeatedly sick to her stomach! LOL)

3. Learn how to drive to the ER one handed while putting pressure on a spurting head wound. Don't ask...just do it....you'll find out why later.

4. Babies make wierd, rude noises. Your friends will think it was you doing it. People in restaurants will shoot you mean looks. There's nothing you can do (well other than blame the baby when you did actually make the rude noise....hehehehehehe)

5. Babies stuff things up their nose and in their ears. Wonder where that missing small earring is....meet Mr. Doctor....he likes you....you and your kids are buying him that new vacation home!

6. Keep your medical cards handy (refer to #3).

7. Learn to lock your bathroom and bedroom doors. Kids walk in at the most inopportune moments and some things just can't be explained to a 3 year old. Side note: that 3 year old is going to tell about what he saw, in great detail....likely to the minister at church or on his next visit to grandma.

8. Body parts. They like em, they want to talk about them. Learn to live with the embarrassment of this. (Mike is pretty sure he's going to get slapped if Mikey makes one more loud public comment on some lady's boobies)

9. Potty training is hell. You will end up begging some kid to do his thing and may even promise a car at a later date. This is normal, you haven't lost your mind....well you have but you're a parent and don't have the time to go find it anyways so why worry. Side note: the kid that won't use the bathroom will of course go out in your front yard, whip down his pants, and pee on the tree just as the nice older lady from next door walks by, don't be upset...after all it could have been worse (no dear, pooping under the birch tree is NOT allowed!)

10. Parenting a teenage is all about payback. Remember when you snuck in late or went in that car with that boy. Well somebody was keeping track and now it's your daughter in that car. Welcome to hell (and you just thought hell was potty training...oh such innocence...bwwwhahahahahaha). Your lovely kid just turned into hormones in blue jeans. They don't talk...they grunt! You gave them life, they would rather walk on glass than acknowledge you in front of their "posse" (or whatever that group of wierdo's is currently called). You thought you were a pretty cool parent....reality check....you apparently are old, stupid and wear jeans that are so out of style your teenage may have a cardiac arrest if you leave the house in them. If you do own anything even remotely teen approved, they will just "borrow" it anyways. If you have teenage daughters and you are a father....you will suddenly remember your own days as a teenage guy, break into a cold sweat and begin to hate yourself (you will also find yourself cleaning guns and throwing yourself bodily across doorways).

Just a few tidbits of wisdom I've gleemed in my own years of parenting.

Errrr could someone please pass me the nerve pills and a bottle of hair dye. I'm no where near done raising this crew!

[sweety314]

Hilarious!!! And the scariest part???!???? They're TRUE!!!!!!!


I busted a stitch laughing when I read your list! Good thing I WASN'T on break while reading!! But they're aaaaaaall what really happens after having kids. Better these tho' than the scary ones we all encounter.

Oh, and #10? Brought to mind the link http://members.aol.com/Love4JULI/dad-rules.html
"Rules For Dating My Daughter"

ROTFLMFAO!

With that and guffaw, I bid you all a fond farewell. My work schedule is finished, it's time to get previously mentioned FD from the child care and get home, check on the critters and hit the sack.

TTFN!

RuLyn

[JLC]

~deep, heavy sigh~ ....my oldest turns 13 in less than a month. She has a boy who is calling her, and she wants to arrange ways to meet up with him outside of school. "OH...we're going to the mall? I'm gonna call Mark and maybe he can meet me there!" ~shudder~


Those teen years are JUST beginning for me....and damnitall....I'm still potty training the three year old!!!

(As my daughter would say, Jo....this post of yours was "awesomeness on a stick!")

[Razaiel]

Oh yes - definitely rings bells with me - you think the screaming fits when you don't know what's wrong is the worst - but hit the teens and it's a totally new ballgame - especially when you start meeting all the most undesirable residents of the village - and realize why they're turning up at your house! It's scary out there for parents of teenagers - you know all the potential dangers from your own teen years - but just try and tell them to your own ...

Sweetie - I loved that link - I'm thinking of printing it off and nailing it to the front door ...

[jotay]

That was to good
I am at the number ten stage and thank the heavens I have a boy!
Because I remember me as a teen girl and if I had a girl she would be locked in a closet in her room. As I think back the same when these fast young girls call my son or are "hanging out" in front of the house.

As for the hair dye and nerve pills, sheeish I have been on them for a few years
Gonna need some stronger ones come this week as my son and I are heading to the DMV to get his learners permit ( God help us all )

[McAdry]

Don't feel bad about it just startinng i am just hoping it will end before i'm well dead lamo oldest chlide 19 youngest 4 have will have three teenagers for a year then have an 8 year wait to repeat it all one last time.:eek:

[recycling goddess]

as a mom of a 19 year old daughter, 12 year old son and 7 year old daughter... the 'difficult' years seem to be taking place with one of them at all times!

pass the pills and the dye ladies...

[frankykeno]

When Mikey was born, Kayte was 14...people asked us if Mike and I were nuts to have both a teenager and a newborn. I used to just look at them and say "well at least it isn't HER newborn!" LOL

Oh and Raz, Kayte will confirm this....we actually did print that list off and tape it near the door. It was only partially a joke (didn't help though as I swear half of the dates couldn't read....may be related to some issues with pants that can't stay up....however no scientific proof of this theory currently exists LOL)

Mike and I figure that one or the other of them will be in a "stage" until we are well into our golden years. My evil plan is to become very VERY old and be a burden on them! I figure they deserve it! (gawd help me when Kayte reads this thread)

Oh that brings to mind one more bit of wisdom. Suck up to your eldest child. They may well one day be in charge of your old, drooling self. (mamma loves you Kayte dear *kissy kissy*)

[Beauty the BP]

That is so funny........ And scarey at the same time.

IM a mother of 3, 2 girls and a boy. Ages 12,8,7. My oldest daughter just turned 12 and god help me and her she has already found interest in boys........ and the older boys have found interest in her. 12 and looks like she is 17. deadly combo. So far this year I have had to take one older gentleman to court and have him put on the sex offenders reg for trying to get to my daughter ( he was 48) and had to let no less than 10 boys know her true age and that it was over my dead body that I would let her date.........lol

I remmeber the mothers curse alot these days, but for me it kinda got reversed. "May you have children and may they act just like you did" in my case my oldest daughter acts just like my younger brother......lol When I think of the things I did and got away with as a kid i fear the future.....lol

Happy parenting and may god grant us all the patience to see our own grand children.

Beauty the bp

[4theSNAKElady]

frankykeno, that post was the equivalent of about 3 years supply of birth control pills.......I am fortunate in that I still have no children at 29......knock on wood!!!