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  1. #1
    BPnet Veteran Jeanne's Avatar
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    Laugh Of The Day!

    (#1)For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way
    computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo
    (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the
    auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like
    the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got
    1,000 miles to the gallon."

    In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
    stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
    driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this
    part):

    1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

    2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to
    buy a new car.

    3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You
    would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows,
    shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could
    continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

    4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
    your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would
    have to reinstall the engine.

    5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
    reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run
    on only five percent of the roads.

    6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all
    be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation"
    warning light.

    7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

    8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
    and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door
    handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

    9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn
    how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate
    in the same manner as the old car.

    10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.


    (#2)Spanish Computer


    A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish,
    unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

    ''House'' for instance, is feminine: ''la casa,'' 'Pencil,''
    however, is masculine: "el lapiz.''

    A student asked, ''What gender is 'computer'?'' Instead of giving
    the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and
    female,
    and asked them to decide for themselves whether ''computer''
    should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give
    four reasons
    for its recommendation.

    The men's group decided that ''computer'' should definitely be of
    the feminine gender (''la computadora''), because:

    1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;>

    2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers
    is incomprehensible to everyone else;

    3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for
    possible later retrieval; and

    4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
    spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

    (THIS GETS BETTER!)

    The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
    masculine (''el computador''), because:

    1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

    2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

    3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
    they ARE the problem; and

    4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited
    a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

    The women won.
    *Jeanne*

    "To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe"

  2. #2
    BPnet Veteran Shelby's Avatar
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    Re: Laugh Of The Day!

    lol.. those are great!

    April
    My art gallery (herp related) http://cerulean-serpent.deviantart.com/

  3. #3
    BPnet Royalty JLC's Avatar
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    Re: Laugh Of The Day!

    Those are great!! The "Spanish" one had me rolling on the floor!!
    -- Judy

  4. #4
    BPnet Veteran shhhli's Avatar
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    Re: Laugh Of The Day!

    5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
    reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run
    on only five percent of the roads.


    HAHA! mac represent.
    i love sassy come-back jokes like these.

  5. #5
    BPnet Veteran ARamos8's Avatar
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    Talking Re: Laugh Of The Day!

    I have been in a week long conference with Microsoft and this is just what I need to close tomorrow with. I copy and pasted this on my PC. Is this OK Jeanne?
    Tony.....

    3.1 Crumb Snatchers
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  6. #6
    BPnet Veteran Jeanne's Avatar
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    Re: Laugh Of The Day!

    Tony~ Go for it! It was sent to me from my sister in an email.
    *Jeanne*

    "To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe"

  7. #7
    BPnet Veteran ARamos8's Avatar
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    Re: Laugh Of The Day!

    What's ironic is that today was "proof of concept" day "live" and they could not get it to work as it was marketed...LMAO.... Thanks....
    Tony.....

    3.1 Crumb Snatchers
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  8. #8
    BPnet Veteran frankykeno's Avatar
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    Re: Laugh Of The Day!

    Excellent start to my day! Thanks for the giggles Jeanne!



    ~~Jo~~
    ~~Joanna~~

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