Rules for Texas

[frankykeno]

Saw this and just had to have a chuckle.

NOTICE: If you are going to live or visit in Texas, you need to know these rules:

1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get the hell out of the way.

3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. (The black dirt around Houston is called "Houston Clay". If you like either of these colors don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.

4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for -- bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. (You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time).

8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

9. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet. You want it hot -- sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened -- add a lot of water.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

11. So you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat (yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.

14. We don't do "hurry up" well.

15. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.

16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 10 goes two ways - Interstate 45 goes the other two. Pick one.

18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want Cream of wheat- go to Kansas. That would be I-45.

19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.

20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators -and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.

22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot -- his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.

23. We have lots of trees that have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.

24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all four of them -- enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.

25. No, we don't care how you do things in California. If it is so great out there, that would be I-10 west. And no, down here, we don't have an accent, you do!

[iceman25]

You forgot no: 26.

"Don't mess with Texas!"

[Python-77]

Thanks Jo you made my day

[Ginevive]

I like that! Alot of that could apply to our town too.

[SatanicIntention]

Dangit, I don't know if I can afford that $2.50 fine...

Yep, most of it is pretty true. I love my Texas. The majority of the people are nice and will go out of their way to help you. I don't know if I will ever move, except maybe to another town.

[CTReptileRescue]

The stars at night
Are big and bright......

Loved Texas when I was crossing the country back in 96'. I ecspecially loved the west side, all farms and dirt roads. Slept in the middle of a few of those feilds along the way. Nice farmers, and lots of prarie dogs!
Rusty

[bongzor]

ALL lies!!

[frankykeno]

Always glad to share a smile Sean. Glad you all enjoyed it.


~~Jo~~

[mr~python]

man im sendin that one too evey one an my address book!