Someting Funny by Maynard JK at redtailboa.net

[Shaun J]

These are someone elses jokes,Maynard JK,from Redtailboa.net,I got permission,so i decided to share them with you.This might be long,but tis funny
52 Fun Things to Do at Wal-Mart


1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals
throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to
join.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly,
especially in thin aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I
think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off
and turn the volume up to full blast.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen
you in so long." etc. See if they play along.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself
loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"

15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are
taking it for a test drive.

17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet
behind them. Do this until they leave the store.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store
as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"

20. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and
when they say you didn't buy it there say "Hmmmm....I thought
the customer was always right!"

21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you
will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other
aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,
"I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
upside down.

29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and
say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between
them yelling "Red Rover."

31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any
in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)

32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale
battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.

33. Take bets on the battle from above.

34. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask
the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as
possible.

36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
Mission Impossible.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to
your Twinkies."

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: Marco Polo.

43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet
section, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's.

45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with
various funnels.

46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at
something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to
your knees and scream, "No, no, its those voices again."

49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to
the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out
much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.


51. Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you
can make.

52. Enter the dressing room and wait awhile then yell "there is no toilet paper in here!"

*BONUS*

1. Attempt to do all of the above in the same visit, without
getting kicked out.



19 Fun Things to Do In The Public Bathroom


1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your
neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence
with a bodily function noise

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot! My glass eye!"

6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a
cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh
relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it
erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while
yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"

11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of
toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor.
Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?

13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!

14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"

15. Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small.
Now what am I gonna do?"

16. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your
butt cheeks

17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your
"Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to
the adjacent stall.

18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it
so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing
"Born Free."



Things To Do In An Elevator


1. When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
and go back for more.

3. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
wrong ones.

4. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they
know what floor your on.

5. Hold the doors open and say your saiting for a friend. After
a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day
been?"

6. Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then
scream, "That's mine!"

7. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8. Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,
ask if they have an apointment.

9. Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to
play.

10. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask
them if they can hear ticking.

11. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
procedures and exits with the passengers.

12. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay,
don't panic, they open again!"

15. Swat at flies that don't exist.

16. Tell people that you can see their aura.

17. Call out, "Group Hig!"and then enforce it.

18. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the
wall, without getting off.

21. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other
passengers.

23. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then
announce, "I have new socks on".

26. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"


LOL :lol:

[sk8er4life]

lol!!!!! that stuff i hillarious! im goin try doin some of those things if me and friends decide to go up there, its goin to be great!

[Shaun J]

I did some in target :shock:

[Brandon.O]

Me and my friends were in walmart getting some stuff (cameras-food-etc etc) for our "road trip" (went to phoenix for a youth convention/concert) and we saw some other people (idiots) that we know and they were doing....or rather trying to do some of that stuff.......they got escorted out by security (or whoever it was)

I personally think all that stuff is pointless, theres no way you could get all that stuff on that list done in walmart, even if you went on differnt days, they would catch you.

[Super_Smash]

I personally think all that stuff is pointless, there's no way you could get all that stuff on that list done in walmart, even if you went on differnt days, they would catch you.

take it from some one with experience in that area... it IS pointless. you get kicked out for doing almost every thing on that list. hehehehe...

as for the elevator thing.. that stuff is hilarious. i definately would consider trying some of it.