Getting someone to like snakes

[VigdisXX]

My bf doesnt like snakes, and id like to change his mind. He claims hes not afraid but "just doesnt like them". I have Aradia out quite often around him so he sees how sweet and calm she is. Id like to get him to eventually hold her or at least touch her and see shes sweet but im not sure how. Any tips?


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[Navaro]

It sounds like your doing everything right to be honest. This is a tough one.

Unfortunately at least in my experience. Some people.... just aren't 'snake' people. Same way some people will never be 'spider' people.

I'm Arachnophobic. I adore Tarantulas and in another life would love to own one, I think they are gorgeous. But hold one? hell no.

[CptJack]

Yeah. I agree with Navaro, here.

Respect the guy. Don't try to push her on him, even just by having her out to 'show' him - that risks him becoming resentful on top of her instead of just not liking. Just not liking may be as good as it gets, and it's a darn sight better than starting to resent the snake and you by having her presence pushed on him.

My husband is totally, completely, apathetic about the snakes. He *bought me* one for my birthday because he knew I wanted one and if something is up and I need to do something while one's out with me he'll put it away or hold onto it for a second or two bout mostly he has zero interest. I'm cool with that. He expresses love of me by supporting me in what I do and like. I express love of him by not demanding he fake interest in something he's not interested in.

[CORBIN911]

Well like others have said its a pain!

My grandmother hates them aswell, But it was easier to get her to look or see them when they were small. After 1 year, she now will come hold Big momma my 2500g Lesser Het clown girl.


What I think is the biggest thing is they need to see the beauty in the snakes vs the "big bad snakes" they are made out to be!

Another thing that may help is show him the inside of BP's mouths... how there are 0 teeth really, more like Velcro or fiberglass!

[Gerardo]

You cant make people like snakes. It has to be something that they already like or are open and willing to try it. No matter how sweet and calm a snake is it doesnt change the fact that the person is uncomfortable around snakes in general. Be happy he doesnt totally freak out when he sees the snake.

[vangarret2000]

If it's true he's not afraid he just doesn't like them then most likely there isn't anything you can do. If someone has a fear you can try to work on that if they want. If they have no interest then they really want want anything to do with them. If you have you snake out around him and he doesn't really care it's likely he never will. He could maybe try to show interest in them because he is dating you and it's something you enjoy so it would be nice for you. Sometimes the better half can pretend and eventually enjoy that interest. More times though if someone has no interest they can't even fake one. It also wouldn't be fair to try and make that person like it because that would make you feel better. Couple can't always like everything the same. Some stuff you will like that he doesn't and some stuff he will like that you don't.

Just keep bringing the snake out around him. If he shows interest build on that. If he doesn't don't try to force it or that will most likely make him want nothin to do with it even more.

[BiggBaddWolf]

I agree, you can't "make" someone like snakes. Thankfully my wife does like snakes

[CptJack]

Actually, I'm going to tell you a little relationship-oriented parable from my early days of marriage that applies here.

Many moons ago (seriously 20 years or something), when my husband and I were newly weds, I used to ask "Do you want ______" (to plant flowers, see that movie, play this game, take a walk, go out to dinner - whatever). He'd say "No." I'd get hurt and offended and depressed and sometimes downright ticked off. One day I got particularly ticked off and said "WHY DON'T YOU EVER LET ME DO ANYTHING?!" He looked at me like I'd sprouted a second head and very patiently informed me that:

A-) I didn't need his permission to do something, and he'd never seen any indication that I waited around to be ALLOWED to do anything in my life.

B-) I was asking him if *he* wanted to do something, not if I could or if he would.

For whatever reason, I'd decided that if he didn't also enjoy a thing then I couldn't or shouldn't. I tried really hard for a long time to try to get him to enjoy things he just didn't, so that I could. That's not how it works.

The question is no longer 'do you want' unless I am asking him if he would really like to do something. It is 'do you mind if I-'. The number of times he has cared in a couple of decades can be counted on one hand. If he isn't telling you NOT to do a thing, you're good. He doesn't need to like snakes. Or roses. Or writing or gaming or - Do your thing. He'll express interest sometimes because he loves you (or so I assume) just like you will, but it doesn't need to be a shared hobby and interest.

[bcr229]

The question is no longer 'do you want' unless I am asking him if he would really like to do something. It is 'do you mind if I-'.

Wise woman is very wise.

That said, almost two decades ago I had (note the past tense) a fiance who told me that he wanted me to sell my horse. Not "he didn't like my horse" (which pre-dated the fiance's relationship with me by a few years). Nope, the horse had to go before we married since the horse took too much of my time. At the time I was into showing and did a lot of self-care to help save money so I could afford to show, and I did not expect the fiance to contribute anything to those expenses, nor had I ever asked him to do so. That relationship was terminated - with prejudice - instantly.

So, if your boyfriend doesn't like snakes but is ok with you having them, as long as he doesn't have to deal with them and you're not blowing money on snakes and snake stuff to the point where you can't afford the rent, then don't worry about it. If your boyfriend doesn't like snakes and thinks you should get rid of them, then you have a decision to make.

[NH93]

I think that by the sounds of it, the snakes are your thing and not his. And that is okay.
Why is it so important for your partner to like them?

He may or he may not warm up to them in time. Either way, that shouldn't be the end goal, in my opinion. Just enjoy your own time with them.

In my experience, the more you force something on someone, the worse it gets. Don't ever push him into it, but keep the space open to possibilities - which means, learning to like them, accepting the fact that you have them, or (in the opposite way) beginning to fear them. I hope very much that that doesn't happen, but be open.

My partner was indifferent to me getting snakes at first (this was a year ago). He didn't want anything to do with them; not in an "I don't want to see them at all" kind of way, but just wasn't very interested in seeing or holding or whatnot. Didn't want to help pay or care for them, which is completely fair and I agree with him. However, over time he has had a grown interest in them, seeing me interact with them. Occasionally he holds them (and he's got his "favourite"). This past week while out camping I did some herping. He got really excited and started helping me look for them, and even held one of the wild ones I caught (and of course released).

So, things can change naturally if you don't push. Or they may not. Moral of this long post: be patient, be respectful, and enjoy the snakes yourself!

All the best.