SO and snake phobia

[threezero]

I know this topic has been covered many times. looking to start up a conversation for potential ideas.

So I started dating someone lately, she is great and is supportive of everything i do. Accept she is super scare of snakes and rats, both of which i keep in the house. she is scare of snakes to the point where she will faint if she sees one.

She knows that I keep my snakes in my room, and she does her best to try and avoid that part of my room.

What is the best way to go about introducing snakes in a friendly manner to someone that is on the most extreme end of snake phobia? I keep ball pythons and a carpet python, i know my semi aggressive carpet python will scare the beejuzus out of her however i'm 100% confident my ball pythons will be good snake ambassador, however how can i get her to over come her fear to just even look at it?


I have plan to breed my snake too, she won't be too happy about it but she is not going to stop me. Does anyone here live with their SO that is not into snakes or is scare of it? How do you guys deal with it? it is possible to change their view with gentle guidance? if their views can't be change, how do you guys deal with sharing living space together with snakes and snake fearing SO?

some insight from more experience members here would be greatly appreciated

[cheaversg]

gotta show them a baby one.
I came across many people with snake fears and I always can get them to touch my baby.
People are definitely more receptive to a smaller snake.
Id go with the approach of finding why shes scared first though this way you can approach the situation from the perspective of her fear.
I feel like a fear of snakes is misplaced and is usually a fear of stories that someone told them and never is of a horror experience where a snake bit them when they were 4 years old.

Im not a veteran though just my experience with my snake at college showing it to people.
I also brought it to class before and I got everyone to touch it even the people that were really scared.
She was small at the time and i think everyone thought she was cute so they got over it.

[CptJack]

I don't try to change his views. He lets me have my snakes, I respect his comfort zone by keeping them in a place he can avoid and not trying to 'fix him' against his will. Leaving him alone to de-stress, take things at his own pace and not 'guiding him' into doing something he wants to do (that's just manipulation) has worked out just fine. He's gotten more comfortable knowing the issue isn't going to be forced on him, and now occasionally chooses to be around them in an observational capacity.

I think, much like ball pythons and feeding, overoffering can make the aversion worse.

If SHE expresses interest, forget babies that can be nippy. Find a placid juvie or sub adult and hold it in her presence and let her make any and all moves. ONLY IF SHE IS INTERESTED and makes suggestions HERSELF.

[Stewart_Reptiles]

You deal with it by not imposing YOUR passion on others.

I am married to someone who was scared of snakes, he is now ok with the idea but he will not touch them, or go in the snake room....he dislike rats even more.

I breed both snakes and rats and so long he does not have to deal with any of it he is fine.

Because someone has a hobby it does not mean the other person should have the same hobby.

If one day she comes around them fine but if she does not it's ok too.


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[Pythonfriend]

you got to take it slow. no rushing things, no surprises, and when its enough for the day then thats it.

first thing would be to watch one from a distance, and she can decide to move closer or to keep a safe distance. basically you ask her if she wants to try and tell her how you would set it up. one idea would be that you stay with a snake in the far end of the room, and have her come in. or set up a snake in a transparent glass tank or pyrex that is closed at the top, and slowly approach it together with her.

next step, once the distance is getting smaller, would be to actually touch one, just the tail. but dont push it and dont rush it.

gradual improvement in baby steps. and work with the most peaceful and relaxed snake you have, i think thats more important than size.

i think most people that have a phobia think that it sucks to have a phobia and would rather not have it. but the problem is that overcoming a phobia is difficult work, and by its very nature its a really scary thing to do.

[AlexisFitzy]

I don't have this problem with my significant other but I have a ton of friends/family that are scared to death of snakes. First i wouldn't even start off with introducing her to any snakes at all. First step for me is educating them about snakes. Most people know nothing about snakes and that ignorance easily translates into fear. People fear things they don't understand. Most people don't even know what they eat, I've been asked if they have bones! That question was from an adult not a kid lol. But just talk to her about the snakes. How you care for them, what you like about them, what makes them so different from caring for other types of pets. And asking her why she's afraid would be an excellent thing to do! I bet it will translate into educating her about how snakes really are and not how the media portrays them to be. Giant killing machines that fly through the air and it's sole purpose in life is to bite, kill, and swallow you whole!! Lol when that is the farthest from the truth when it comes to these amazing animals. Once I get through this step they usually feel comfortable enough and ask "Can I see one?" And then it goes from there. But if she doesn't want to see or touch one after this first step then leave it be and move at her pace and comfort level. If she never comes around that's okay too as others have stated living with their SO that isn't really into their hobby is just fine


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[MonkeyShuttle]

My wife hated snakes until she saw the beautiful combinations you can make. With her for some reason its the looks that scares her. The head of a Boa is more sharp and angular that she doest like and for some reason that shuts down all snakes for her but show her a baby banana ball or Dreamsicle and shes helping me set up an enclosure for it. She may be a little superficial lol

[bcr229]

My wife hated snakes until she saw the beautiful combinations you can make. With her for some reason its the looks that scares her. The head of a Boa is more sharp and angular that she doest like and for some reason that shuts down all snakes for her but show her a baby banana ball or Dreamsicle and shes helping me set up an enclosure for it. She may be a little superficial lol

Not necessarily. People are wired to react more favorably to "pretty" animals/people/objects/etc. than not. Why do you think television "talking heads" are typically good looking, never mind the "news readers" of today... but I digress.

But on the snake front I'll use an example from my experience. I had to take one of my snakes to the vet - citrust pastel ivory - and while he was light tan when born, as he's aged he's turned almost pure white.

So, we're in the waiting room, and other folks can see me with the tub and a white thing moving around inside it. When asked, I said it was a ball python, and a few folks - even a few who stated that they hated/feared snakes, snuck a peek. They were absolutely enthralled with the idea of a pure white snake - and he is quite pretty.

So, while it may be a bit shallow, an ambassador snake should not only be well-tempered and very tolerant of handling, but beautiful in the eye of the non-herper.

[JLC]

You deal with it by not imposing YOUR passion on others.

I am married to someone who was scared of snakes, he is now ok with the idea but he will not touch them, or go in the snake room....he dislike rats even more.

I breed both snakes and rats and so long he does not have to deal with any of it he is fine.

Because someone has a hobby it does not mean the other person should have the same hobby.

If one day she comes around them fine but if she does not it's ok too.


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This. I'm in a very similar position with my hubby.

SHE has to WANT to get over her fear of the snakes. If she gets to that point, THEN work slowly with a calm, pretty snake, as others have suggested.

When Brian Barczyk first started dating Lori, she hated snakes completely and would not go into his room. Eventually though, she would sit in the corner of his room while he did cleaning chores, just so she could be close to him. And in time, she started helping with some of the simpler cleaning chores so they could get it done faster and get on with the "fun" stuff of the day. And before too much longer, she was handling snakes like a pro herself.

Just two different examples of how things with a snake-hating/-fearing partner might go. Whatever you do though, you have to accept her as she is and not push it.

[threezero]

thanks for all the reply. Its all very encouraging.

my SO is not really scare of the danger of snake per say, she is more disturb by any animal without fur (she got curious about my rats the other day, took a peak and the first thing she saw is my hairless girl and she was shaken for the whole day). As per advice, i'm gonna take it slow and not force it on her. I'm trying to find way to engage her in snake related conversation though. Because i feed my rats table food sometimes, it resulted in light hearted conversation about my rats and their community behaviour which spark curious question from my SO. although she still hates them i feel that just talking about it makes the rats seem not so scary. I'm having trouble casually sparking a conversation about snakes though. it doesn't help that some of her frds thinks i'm weird for keeping snakes and even weirder for raising ratst to feed it


i guess i just have to take it slowly, hopefully she will come around and joint my passion. if not, no big deal. If she is willing to be with me despite her phobia i should appreciated it and stop complaining