Need Motivation....From Parents and Anyone Who Is A Good Motivator :)

[kevinb]

Hey everyone, as some of you know I am soon going to be a daddy (Due December 27th) to a little girl we have decided to name Raygan. I am super excited to be a father and start a new chapter in my life, but I..as most new parents (fathers in particular) am having a bit of a down spell about my future. I would like to make this thread to get some motivation from others along with help from other parents on continuing on the happy road.

Currenlty I work in a Level 1 Trauma Center in the emergency room as a Nursing Assistant, my job is to basically care for the patients in every form minus giving medication and stuff of that nature. I work 3rd shift 2300-0700 (11pm-7am) and make $10.82/hr with a $1.95/hr 3rd shift bonus so $12.77/hr. It's a pretty good gig, but not where I see myself working my whole life. I am mainly keeping the job because it's good pay for not having gone to college (Nor do I really plan on going...tried it and couldn't push myself hard enough to get through even 2 months) and the benefits are good...considering I went 3 years without health insurance and that was bad enough. I would really like to get a job in the construction industry, preferably road construction or work for a electric company repairing telephone poles and power lines...neither need a degree just training and both pay pretty decent...more so than what I make now.

Me and my fiance are currently living with her mother, since she got taken out of work (due to being so sick from the pregnancy) and then was latter laid off, so now I have all her bills to pay as well which is taxing my mind along with the worries of my bills.

We really want to build our own place as we already have a 1 acre plot to build on, we just need the money to do it. Plus we know plenty of people in the construction game that we could get plenty of help building it without having to foot the huge fee to a contractor. We want to start building as early as next summer, but I'm still second guessing if we will be able to get the money to build....we aren't planning on anything fancy, jsut a starter than can be added on too. About 2 bedrooms, a living room, bathroom, and kitchen. We would however like a basement which will increase the build cost quite a bit.

Here is where I am having trouble feeling motivated.


And keep in mind I am not making this thread to say I am not happy or excited for my baby to come, because I have never been happier!


I have been keeping snakes on and off for the last few years, I got a couple balls to start breeding with but my mother made me sell them and since at the time I didn't have any place to put them I had to. Fast forward to me and my fiance getting our own apartment...I had my own animal room where I kept my rats and garter snake, with the space and intent to begin buying some more BPs again. Fast forward a month or so, we find out my fiance is pregnant, we had been trying but I wasn't expecting it to happen so quickly or easily due to her endometriosis. Then once my fiance lost her job I couldn't afford the apartment plus all the other bills so we moved out and into her mother's house like previously stated.

I now feel like I may never have the chance to get more snakes, I feel like everytime the oportunity to get some comes something else prevents me from getting anything, same for many of my other hobbies...I have my car sitting in pieces in my parents garage because I still don't have the money to finish the body work and it's been that way for 2 years. I totaled my car 2 weeks ago and want to get another car that I want, but can't condone getting another loan right now.

Like I said I am super happy to be a daddy, but it seems like all the dreams I had before we got pregnant are a puff of smoke and are gone...will I ever be able to get the things I want and be able to do hobbies I enjoy instead of either working or sleeping....


Please let me know it gets easier and that everything will get better, and that my goals to breed pythons will happen in due time...and if not atleast lie to me...Lol.


Just need a little motivation...


Thanks to anyone who can help me out.

Kevin

[T&C Exotics]

I have been there. When my now wife told me she was pregnant the first thing I thought after the whole WOOHOO was finances. She was out of work and I was paying everything. Still that way but better now. The best thing I can say is times will be hard. There is no way to deny that but you control your own future. You could face this looking at the financial problems or you could look at it as a potential opportunity to better yourself. A lot will change in life for you and what you will focus on. Right now we do not have any snakes for multiple reasons but what we are doing is taking 15-50 per a check and just putting it in savings. That is our money for the next thing to go wrong and if we go a year with out a car getting totaled or breaking down or anything like that then we will take half and get some snakes. It will be slow but it is a goal we can achieve. Set goals and stick to them. If you eat out a lot stop... If you smoke quit or cut down.... There are a lot of ways to save money. Something as simple as walking to the corner store instead of driving can save a lot of money over time. Over the past year we went from spending about 1000 a month on fast food and trips to the store and all those little things to spending about 50 on that stuff. Find the little things and cut them out. Also instead of getting the disposable diapers get the cloth ones. They are more expensive up front but in the long run cost a lot less. Have your fiance get on WIC because that will help a lot as well. Also considering you are not married yet and she is pregnant and not working she can get other state assistance. This is the biggest journey of your life and it will be the most enjoyed... Congrats on the little one and after you are done freaking out, which is normal, you will be in the club of the happiest people alive.

[kevinb]

She does currently get WIC and we won't be officially getting married for a few years so that we can get some more assitance. I have cut back A LOT on the spending I used to do and now have over $1,300 in the bank...not a lot for most but for me $300 is a lot in my savings so I am feeling good on that aspect. I am not so much worried about finances as I am being just super impatient and wishing everything would just fall into place a lot easier than it is.....life wasn't made easy and that's sure proving itself.

But I am readily taking the challenge.

[T&C Exotics]

If life made things easy then I am pretty sure I would go insane...again... Just to give ya a little taste of what life has given me lately... Had a nervous breakdown and was addicted to drugs, got healthy and clean, was then forced to sell all snakes and move cross country with wife and son. Got into a car accident had minor damage to the car but a pretty bad concussion for myself, then 4 days later got into another accident and totaled the car. Got a Jeep, I love it, and have had to sink almost a grand into it on minor repairs that are just adding up. Then to top it all off I messed up my knee at work and after being cleared to go back to work was let go... Before I would have freaked out but now I just kinda laugh because I know that this is just another challenge that I have to face and I have to conquer. Before I always looked at every detail and stressed a lot. Now I ignore the details and look at individual goals and that has made my life a lot easier. So with the finances just relax they will fall into place. With the car situation again relax it will work out for you. With the house again relax. All things come to those who wait. Also just keep in mind.... Your life could have been as bad as mine lol. The fears you are having are signs that you are going to be a great dad. If you do that one thing then all else does not matter.

[bsash]

First off, congratulations on the baby girl Raygan! Beautiful name, and I am sure she will be just as beautiful. And I hope you don't take this personal, but you should stay out of construction- of any sort. My boyfriend has been in the construction business as a typical non- college employee for years, and he has done it all. Granted- it's for New Jersey and our wages may not be as good as most states in the United States, but you won't make that kind of money in that kind of work without any college to be able to move out of digging trenches for piping, etc. and you would be LUCKY to make even $10.00 an hour. As well, it would be day work, but would be just as- or more exhausting than your current job, being non- stop hard labor. With the baby, you're not going to want your body to be sore all the time, and be that mentally and physically exhausted. Also, keep in mind- most construction workers do not get health benefits- my boyfriend is three years and counting without. Enjoy her until you find a better option than your current Trauma job- which would be anything other than construction. That would be a major step back, in my opinion. People around here would kill for your job, we can't even get into our hospitals without a college degree, unless it's to be a janitor- which is actually a decent paying job. Trash men- that is something to look into. They make great pay, over $10.00/$15.00hr.- Work mornings- And it's no where near as hard as construction- Plus you'd keep your benefits as it's still a Government job.

[sorraia]

I still feel like a "new" parent. I guess I am, compared to others. My baby is almost 18 months old. She wasn’t a “planned” baby, but not a surprise either, the only reason I mention that is because it helps give perspective. We had plans, dreams, hopes, etc. And like you… we found a lot of that changed once we had a baby. But there’s also good news: It doesn’t mean you have to give it all up. Things will change with this new chapter in your life, and you may have to rearrange your priorities, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up on anything, it just might mean you have to be a little more patient. That’s hard sometimes, but it’s just something we have to do. If it isn’t a child, it would be because of something else (house needs major repairs, car broke down, family member got sick, whatever…). I wouldn’t necessarily say it gets “easier”, but you get used to it, and you just learn to go with it. We’ve explored “creative financing” to make ends meet (especially while my husband was between jobs and all the cars decided to require repairs…), and had great success. Simple things like shopping on craigslist for items that don’t need to be new, growing what food we can, cooking from scratch and using what we have (keep a few basic items on hand in bulk, go shopping as needed), etc. We’ve picked up a few odd jobs here and there to make a little extra supplemental income. We’ve learned how to involve the baby in the daily chores and extra outings so we can make time to do what we want and need to do. It’s a learning process, and there’s no one single way to do it. What works for me won’t work for you, and vice versa. So you learn what you can do in your situation, and make it work. If it doesn’t work, you re-examine, alter a few things, and try again. And you keep trying until you get it right.
I have to say – I’m a little jealous you have an acre!!! We have just a little over a half acre, and though it’s enough for now, we are pining for the day we can “upgrade” to a bigger property. One of my dreams is to be mostly self-sufficient. Right now we are “practicing”, and doing pretty well for such a small plot, but I can’t wait until we can do more.

[sorraia]

Also instead of getting the disposable diapers get the cloth ones. They are more expensive up front but in the long run cost a lot less.

Going to agree with this! We've almost exclusively used cloth diapers, and LOVE them. And if you know anyone who sews, talk to them about making diapers for you. Definitely save money. I made the cloth diapers for my baby, and in these 18 months, we've spent maybe $150-200 on the materials. That's it. Buying disposables (around here... your prices may be different), we would have easily spent $10-20 on a pack that would only last a couple days, estimate about $50 a week, about $200 a month... you see how quickly that adds up.

And once your baby is ready for solid foods, making food at home instead of buying the little jars can save money too. That way she can eat what you already have on hand (as long as you keep baby-safe foods on hand). If you can save the money (or buy second hand - craigslist is my friend!) you can find a baby food maker that will be a lot more convenient. Basically chop up the food, add water, toss it in, set it and walk away. It does all the rest of the work for you. If you can't or don't want to, that's ok. This is just one of many possible options.

[jclaiborne]

Congrats on becomming a dad. I took full custody of my son the day he was born. As soon as he was discharged from the hospital we were on our way home. Like others have said it will be hard, but things do get better. Money was and still is tight, however now I have gotten married and we have purchased a house. The biggest advise I can give is don't allow yourself to get overwhelmed (sounds impossible i know!) The first two years are the hardest, once you get in the swing of things and work out your budget things get smoother and you will find that you can slowly start up your hobbies over time. My son is now 5 and he really enjoys everything that I do. He helps me work on my 4x4, rides a quad so we can ride together in the desert, loves camping, fishing, helps care for the snakes and other pets. Parenthood is a constant learning process, but it's fun! Take your time, slowly get back into your hobbies as you can afford it. I know you will get the itch, just like I did seeing your car in pieces and wanting to get it fixed, it will get done, relax, breathe, take it day by day and it constatly gets better!

[Recreation]

As human beings we fear the un-known, and yet we still venture into it with the curiosity of a newborn child; and as the things we have explored become more familiar to us, we find that our fear becomes less and less rational. We become comfortable with it, and the un-known becomes a known. As humans we believe that to know is to be free. Be free of your fears - this is just an un-known to a newborn child.

[S.I.R.]

As a father of three, all I can say is hang in there. It is always going to be a challenge and life has a way of dumping crap on you a lot. However, take satisfaction on your family. Being a dad can be very difficult somedays but when your baby hugs you or smiles at you, it is all worth it. It is a feeling all parents know. My wife and I started out poor college kids in a crappy apartment. I quit college to work full time at a power line construction job. It did pay well and had decent benefits, however, it was seasonal and after each job I had to go back to the union hall and sign up and wait for the next job. Very difficult to plan anything with that lifestyle. It was on this job that I was sitting in a ditch in the middle of no where eating my lunch and one of the older guys asked me what the hell I was doing out here and that I should go back to school. For some reason that motivated me along with the fact that I wanted to be a good example for my family. I went back and got a degree in Biology and Chemistry. I now work full time in a hospital and although it is hard work, it is still easier than pouring concrete footers in a giant hole out in the middle of no where. My life is still challenging, money is always an issue(I have one in college now), and life is never a fairytale, but I have learned to enjoy what I do have, my wife and I coupon like crazy(it saves a lot), and spend as much time as I can with my kids. If you enjoy what you do in the E.D. but do not want to go back to a traditional college, start with looking into your hospitals E.M.T. or Paramedic programs. Most hospitals offer their own accredited and nationally recognized programs. Do something like this and go from there. Just remember to keep your head up and look forward. Now that you are going to be a father, all that you do is now for your baby and your small family. Rememeber that and when you feel down it will comfort you. Hang in there, it does get better, you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.