Ex wife not wanting me to see my son because of her fear of snakes

[bradthebanker]

I have recently aquired 57 snakes In a year ( 1 Burmese, 6 boas, 2 carpets, 1 cal king, 2 corns, and 45 balls) anyways my ex wife is not wanting me to have my son now because of my collection because of her fear and when I do have him he tells me he's not scared and wants to hold his certain one and let's her around his neck and shows her to his friends when he has friends over and has got me to show them at his school. She says he is scared of them but just will not say anything and has nightmares about them but when I asked him he says otherwise. The divorce papers say I get him every other weekend and she says that if he is scared I'm not making him go but in Tennessee a child isn't old enough to make his own decisions but if he has nightmares about them and then there is grounds for my rightsit to to be removed but he tells me he likes all of them except the Burmese But doesn't have nightmares about it . So what I was wanting to know if anyone else has been in this situation and what actions should I do. I thought about getting dcs to inspect everything and give me a statement saying there is no reason that he should be removed, and getting the health dept and a vet to state they are in clean health and in suitable living conditions and show it to the judge. I don't want to loose my son that's a definite but there again I don't want to get rid of what I have aquired.

Any help would be greatly appreciated


Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE DROID RAZR MAXX

[Tribal]

A sit down with mom and son is the best option. See if his thoughts are the same with both of you in the room. Hopefully that will help in decide what actions need to be taken next. Best of luck to you.

[AlexiTLO]

I'm only 22 and new to snakes but I would make sure that their cages are escape-proof as possible, or even locked depending on your set up, then offer to show your ex the measures you're taking to keep your son and yourself safe. Do you keep all the snakes on a separate room? If so, I'd consider putting a lock on the door, you wouldn't necessarily have to use it all the time but it could help put her mind at ease. These are just a few simple things that can help show you're responsible.

Obviously I don't know your family but it is possible your son might not want to tell you because hes nervous or doesn't want to make you upset/feel bad. Have you thought about getting a book or video or taking him to see a reptile show? Maybe more knowledge about the animals will help settle everyones stomachs.


I think it would be a good idea to have some kind of professional come see how you care for your snakes, if you do it before any court drama pops up it could give you more of a benefit. Best of luck.

[bcr229]

The divorce papers say I get him every other weekend and she says that if he is scared I'm not making him go...

1) If your son really is scared then it would be evident in his reaction to the snakes. Most likely you'd have to drag him kicking and screaming over to them. If he's showing them off to his friends and wanting you to take the snakes to school, he's not scared.
2) Your ex wife does not get to ignore a court order and deny you visitation time with your son just because she is scared of snakes. Make it very clear that while you are sensitive to her concerns and your son will be supervised at all times, if she violates the order you do have the option of filing for contempt.

[Diamond Serpents]

Listen man, Family > Snakes. You got divorced to her and it seems like shes already being grimy and putting into his head about snakes blah blah. For one shes uneducated, Also how old is your son? I know I have two sons my self one is 5 the other 3. I know I wont be getting anything larger then Balls till they are both grown. I do agree with your wife on the big snakes like the boas and especially that burm.

Also before any one jumps the ship and crys about my post, My wife had a 18ft Burm when she was growing up and her sisters and brother use to feed it rabbits. She told me it was about the stupidest thing that her mom and dad could have had in the house. Both my wife and I have both grown up in homes with reptiles and we personally don't feel comfortable with large snakes or herps in the house yet. I want a Nile and a boa but hey I'm not taking chances so I'm going to wait.

I am happy to hear when children are interested reptiles. You need to educate your ex as well, ask her if she would be more comfortable if you got rid of that burm I bet it will solve a lot of the problems. Hope this helps.

[hunte567]

Its seems your ex is using the snakes to get between you and your son. He is still your son and if you have snakes and he likes them and its safe, there is nothing she can do. Id tell her tell here to kiss off and you will will raise your son the way you want to.

[Raven01]

This doesn't sound like it is about your son from your ex's side. Might not even be about her fear of snakes.
It is control. Brace yourself you have many years of having to deal with her ahead of you.

Is there any chance that you can apply to the court to have the access agreement modified?
In this day and age lawyers should be disbarred for not advising clients to have "access will be enforced by peace officers if required" on every agreement.
Then your access would be guaranteed and all without any possible conflict in front of the child and, she would be required to prove in court that you home has in some way become unfit.

[Mike41793]

She's trying to get back at you any way she can. This is one of many things you'll have to deal with. Who knows how she's rationalizing it in her head?! All she knows is you like the snakes and your son, so forcing you to choose between the two is gunna bother you. That's her main goal. Remember, the leading cause of divorce is marriage!

[4theSNAKElady]

Does that mean youre never going to get married, Mike? :p

sent from my incubator

[Parysa]

She cannot refuse visitation. She'd have to take you to court and would either have to have him tell the court that he doesn't want to come see you because of the snakes or telling a therapist that they scare him. Even then, she'd be fighting an uphill battle. It's very hard to get visitation removed. My nephew's dad is (allegedly *rolls eyes*) molesting him and the best we've been able to get so far is supervised visitation and that's with therapists, DHR, and other groups supporting us. So "he keeps snakes" is going to be a really weak reason to take away visitation. And if you put locks on the cages--especially the big ones, which IMO you should have regardless if he's a small child--and have them in a locked room, it's highly unlikely that the judge would do anything but roll his eyes.
I have a hard time believing he's afraid of them if he puts it around his neck. I love my snakes and enjoy handling them and I'm still not ok with putting them around my neck. Nobody who's truly afraid of it is going to let one that close to their face.