Sequoia's cancer is, according to multiple vets, likely spreading.
She's on lots of meds--anti inflammatorys, painkillers, etc.
She whines most of the days, can't sleep or get comfortable, won't eat her food anymore--she's lost so much weight...She's a big ol lab and her ribs are poking out like crazy.
I said she would tell us when she's ready to go...Is she telling us?
I can't say for sure, because my heart aches so badly it is clouding my judgement. It hurts. I can't watch her anymore. She hurts. It hurts me. When she walks, she jumps because she cannot use her back leg; it looks like she may have injured her other back leg, or maybe she's tired of using it. I dont know.
She has a sadness in her eyes, she constantly wants to be around us. She will not leave, especially not my parents who she always loved the most....
I think it might be time to let her go, put her down...but how do I do this? Where do I muster the courage and strength and convince myself it's for the best when my mind screams NO! You cannot go back! she'll be gone!
And above all, I'm being selfish...but for good reasons. Animals are so brave, for they do not fear death; they look it in the face, and when it is time to go, they go. But I am a human, and I think too much, too often; death scares me more than anything else, it is the ultimate unknown. The end of all ends to what we know, to what makes sense, to what IS...
how can I let her go to my worst fear? My nightmare? That which I do not understand and tell myself it's a good place when I dont KNOW??!?
I dont know. I dont.
What do I do? Puppy... don't go... please? at least not where Ican't go too?