Breaking Point

[Anatopism]

Just need somebody to listen.

I feel like I am constantly at my breaking point. I've been out in Washington for almost a year now, I like the environment, but I've yet to find friends really. My roommate is another employee from work, and my boyfriend also works at the same place... which means I'm constantly holding a secret back from every single person I work with, minus my roommate. It doesn't seem like much, but it really adds up.

To add to, I am constantly putting in 120% at work, and I'm sick of other people not even doing the minimum. I'm tired of working under people who are not competent enough to do their job, and I have to try and pick up the slack. I'm constantly pushed to my limits, and I feel like my stress and anxiety levels are through the roof. I feel physically ill more than I ever have before, and I am SO tired at the end of the day. My days off just don't seem like enough, and I am constantly playing catch up, constantly feeling like I have to PROVE something to everybody all the time.

And then.. my boyfriend brings up last night that we should both spend time developing outside interests.. which I agree with fully, it's healthy for any relationship, and as much as I hate to admit it, I tend to grow far too dependent when in relationships. It was just sort of out of nowhere, and he chose to tell me last night while he was hanging out at a friend's house and choose then not to stay over at my place, then also toss in he'd be busy most of wednesday/today, which is my day off. So I was looking forward to spending time with him... but on top of constantly raised anxiety and stress levels from work, followed by this, it just hit me too hard...and I can't seem to stop crying.

I know he doesn't mean for it to come across that way, I know our relationship is still good.. but last night.. and right now, I really want somebody to be here with me, and the fact that I don't have anybody at all to even consider, makes me feel that much more alone and isolated from everybody.

It's like I'm stuck in flight or fight, and I can't seem to get my body to calm down.

[MissDizzyBee]

Are you on the seattle side? That's where I am. ^^ and don't worry, its not just you. Making friends here is pretty difficult cause everyone is always super busy.

**edit** oh oh! Also if you're on this side, there's lots of jobs if you want to try and get a new one.

[Skittles1101]

I totally understand your stress level right now. My situation is a little different but same stress. I was in a horrible marriage to my son's father for 3 1/2 years, got divorced and jumped right into a serious relationship with a man from work. It wasn't the best idea and I won't get into details, but we just broke up almost 3 months ago, so I have literally been in a long term relationship since I was 17. I am also a single mom, and his father lives across the country so I do it all on my own, physically and financially. I have little to no friends even though I grew up here because when I got pregnant and had my son at 18, my "friends" deemed me "not cool" because I wouldn't go out and party all the time like they were. Any friends I have are from work, and even then I rarely see them. I'm single, full time mother, full time employee, part time school, and because of the "relationship" I was in before, I feel like I've been alone for the past two years. I am really lonely and stressed about everything.

My only advice to you would be to find things that make you happy. Clearly being on this site you love reptiles. I don't know what kind but honestly, as bad as this sounds my snakes are the only things that got me through my horrible and painful breakup. What hobbies do you like to do? Sometimes going to things alone can help you meet new people. I've met two people from this site alone in my area, and I consider then my friends. Try not to be so dependent in a relationship. I KNOW it's hard, in my case my mom was a single mom of 3 and worked a crappy job and always told us you need to find yourself, never depend on someone else to make you happy. As depressing as that sounds, she means it's up to YOU to make yourself happy. I have some serious anxiety when it comes to meeting new people, and it doesn't get any easier, but I think if you found hobbies for yourself and met people through that you will love it.

I hope you can get through this difficult time. It's hard feeling like you don't have anyone there for you. I go through it everyday. I take care of myself, my son, and my snakes. I don't reply on anyone to be there to pick up the slack. If nothing else, you have plenty of people on here I'm sure that would love to do something sometime with you. If I lived closer I'd be your friend Get out there and do things that make you happy, and the rest will follow.

Edit: I should also add that I am a 911 dispatcher, and my job stress level doesn't help all the outside stress lol.

[Anatopism]

Are you on the seattle side? That's where I am. ^^ and don't worry, its not just you. Making friends here is pretty difficult cause everyone is always super busy.

**edit** oh oh! Also if you're on this side, there's lots of jobs if you want to try and get a new one.

I'm actually down in Olympia, where there are not so many jobs available... but I also still have to stay at this job for a few months longer because I signed a contract after going through a training program, saying I'd stay for a year.

[Anatopism]

Thanks for the responses guys, it means a lot.

[MissDizzyBee]

Awwie. :'( I totally need more snake friends too.

It sucks that you're stuck there, but at least three months isn't too long....I don't really know what to say. When I get irritated with mine I just remind myself that I get paid nicely for what I do, and I'm choosing to be there.

It sounds like you put too much pressure on yourself, and without friends here, have no way of relaxing and putting in back in perspective. I agree with finding a fun hobby! Its especially nice if its a hobby that generates compliments or enthusiasm from others.

[darkbloodwyvern]

Since you are obligated, maybe you could try to take care of yourself rather than make up for everyone. Sometimes, being the best is awesome, but you can also try to pick your battles. Look for another job when you can and I heavily abuse caffine to get me through some days XD

At least you know you've got problems and maybe you can find some healthy ways to deal. I try to look at time away from significant others as vacation time! Spin it as optomistically as you can. I know a few couples who are always together, but most of my friends enjoy their alone time when they can. Reading books, messing with the herps, and gardening help me be busy without feeling stressed.
LGray- i know how you feel about the snakes getting you through a breakup. I sometimes have to force myself to be calm around them and it really does help me and their cute little faces and happy tongue flicks do a whole lot to make me feel better. Even when they are being brats and fasting or being fussy, it's still funny. When the BPs don't eat, I know I can laugh about how picky they are when my roommate's kingsnake is chowing down on their leftovers! And even when I'm down, I can take any of them out to chill with and even the shyest ones will uncurl and sniff around after a few minutes of being still and kind of meditative!

Anatopism, it will get better, but you may have to work for it. It sounds like you are pretty motivated and a good worker, you just need the right opportunity, or maybe to make the right opportunity! Your BF kind of surprised you with that announcement, which seems a bit bad choice on his part, even though he's right about having things to do outside the relationship. i understand why you'd be upset. It would be good to ask him to try and give you a better head's up with those sorts of things. It does hurt to be told things like that sometimes, but communicating when it is a small problem will help a lot from it becoming a huge issue!