Life can be such a downer :/

[bad-one]

This year has been a fairly interesting one for me to say the least. So I'm just gonna rant about how my small family has pretty much fallen apart:

My dad moved out about 5 or 6 months ago because he felt he could not trust my mom with money any more (after an incident of bankruptcy I fully understand). He makes a decent amount money so he can afford the support us by paying the bills and such while he pays for his own room elsewhere. It was hard at first not having him around, but when he is here it is EXTREMELY awkward. I mean what do you say to your dad when he has left? My younger sister was already taking it hard then....

In June I graduated, my mom had broken her ankle (for a 2nd time), and my sister twister her ankle badly while playing her last game of soft ball for the season (The motto if our house is that every project requires a blood sacrifice ). I didn't know it at the time, but thats when my dad had gotten himself a private cell phone (he told my sister and had her keep it secret). For me things were normalizing a bit, my dad seemed to be just taking the time he needed to get things sorted out for us and decide on what he wanted to do. The sad part is that he just seemed so distant, like he wasn't even our dad anymore (I'd always had a close relationship with him.. )

In late June my aunt and uncle (my mom's brother and sister) moved in. My uncle had been mooching off my aunt and her husband for 2 years (he simply stopped going to his job and spent his money on booze). My aunt had been cheating on her husband online with some guy. They had to move in here since my aunt's husband got laid off and they lost the house (and he didn't want to have them around since he learned my aunt was cheating on him).

We gave them a month, we didn't want them here but they were family. During that entire time they didn't actively do anything except sit out in the garage on their laptops and play games... They didn't really look for jobs, they didn't help around the house, they didn't contribute to the food money (only my aunt's husband was able to help a little). So when a months time came up they got a shocker when my mom stuck to her word and told them to leave. They had honestly expected just to live here indefinitely because they were family. I think it is so funny how nasty people can be when they don't get their way. After having them here I learned that there is a very fine line between helping family and being used by family.

They left and later sent my mom some pretty nasty, completely inaccurate emails accusing her of being some horrible person for not letting them stay. It's not like we could afford to have them here indefinitely and even I won't put up with that steaming pile of bs. I grew really close to my mom during this entire ordeal, I had to convince her that she was doing the right thing by upholding her rule. It wasn't fair for our dad to have to pay for them (we couldn't do it much longer anyway). And it hurt her so much to have her brother and sister assume they could use her by playing the family card.

They stayed a week with my aunt's husband before they got unexpectedly kicked out again since he could not support them and she was still cheating. They were nice to him for that week and once things didn't work out for them again they got downright nasty to him too... Now they are staying with my mooching uncle's ex wife's mother ...... That won't last long and they already burnt the rest of their bridges.

So, that passed thankfully and they are no longer in our lives which sucks because I loved them but there's nothing we can do about that
The sad part is that our other uncle (soon to be ex husband of our mooching aunt- the one that got cheated on) has to watch their three kids she wants nothing to do with. I plan on having kids some day and I can't fathom not wanting them in my life!


So that was probably one of the roughest months of the year. But oh no, it doesn't stop there! Remember I mentioned my dad having a secret cell phone only about a month after he left? Last month we went up to visit his brother and our grandmother. It was about a 2 hour drive. So mind you, I have never in my life seen my dad text... well the entire time up there he was texting someone and was extremely evasive about who or what about. We got there and enjoyed the day there and spent the night. During that day my sister had gotten a hold of his phone- all of the texts were deleted but the call records were intact and showed he had been calling the same woman 3 times a day, every day at the same times. I learned later he met her only a month after leaving the house.

So that morning (still at my grandma's house) I confronted him and he claimed she was "just a friend". But he couldn't give me an answer when I asked -"If she is just a friend, why couldn't you have just told her that you were spending time with your kids and family, that you'll talk to her later?" (The day we arrived he had snuck off several times and had made calls to this lady friend). So maybe me and my sister are nosy? He admitted to going out with her and doing stuff (sounding awefully like dates). The thing that got me is that although my parents are seperated, they are still married and there was no agreement to be running around with other people. He had even tried to keep our hopes up, saying there was a fair chance he was coming home again.

The part that hurts isn't so much that they will get a divorce after being married 18 years, it's the fact that my own father couldn't man up to any of us and be honest. He just chose the easy route to keep quiet, and all this time I had comforted my mom and told her he was a good man. To be led on is far worse than to be told the truth and my dad led us all on. I don't mind my father having his own life and friends. I just can't respect a man who I can't even recognize anymore, who spends more time with his new friends than with his own kids. He doesn't support what we love, or what we do well in, and that little bit of support means so much when it comes from a parent (whether we crazy offspring like to admit it or not).

So now me, my mom (she is taking courses at a local college to get a job in an office), and my younger sister sit at home not knowing what hurdle is coming next. My sister used to be a straight A student and is failing most of her classes. I do all of the "man of the house jobs", I'm a girl just so everyone knows, and it feels so wrong. Not because I believe they are men only chores, just that it's the things my dad always did. I'm the one my mom and little sister lean on because apparently I'm the tough one who seldom sheds a tear. I just don't know how long being the tough one can last

But there is still a lot of good stuff in my life,
I just turned 18 and I'm comtemplating going to become a nurse (it is a stable job at least and medical stuff fascinates me). I'm glad that my dad supports us all financially, I truly am, I've been blessed to be in a finacially comfortable house. I'm studying to get my drivers liscense, and then I'll go job hunting so that I can better support myself and maybe help out with bills. I'm blessed by having my parent's be the type to want us to be well on our feet before we move out.

Also, I'm so glad I have my reptiles in my life, they are one of the few things that truely make me happy. What little allowance I do get is enough to pay for their needs.

But enough of my great ranting of epic, novel like proportions. Thanks for listening in advance, although I feel a bit bad having to write so much...