Restarting my Weight Loss journey

[Marissa@MKmorphs]

I have struggled with my weight and binge eating disorder my entire life. I remember the first time I realized I was overweight. It was third grade and they were weighing us in school. I stepped on to the scale and I weighed 99 pounds. My mom became obsessed with me losing weight. I went from doctor to doctor, trying all kinds of medicines, injections, diet and fitness programs. I went through 4 personal trainers by the time I was 16.

I would have short term success with these plans but my binge eating disorder outweighed all of that. I was eating over 40 candy bars a day. I was going eating 4 or 5 big macs in one sitting. I still have a problem with it but not so much how much I eat, but the fact that I am doing it in secret. Essentially I sneak food.


In the past 18 months I've yo-yoed back and forth between gaining and losing the same 30 pounds about 3 separate times. This past time of gaining weight I am currently 279 pounds, a full ten pounds more than my previous high weight of 269.

I'm a 22 year old college student and I do not want this to be my life. I don't always want to be the fat girl everywhere I go.

Today I'm changing my ways. Even if I slip I won't completely let myself go again.

This picture from last weekend rally bothered me. Seeing my rolls and how wide I am sparked something in me.




More recent pictures




In comparison, these are from February when I was in the low 240s






I guess I just wanted some support and to be open with my weight instead of being ashamed.


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[Mike41793]

Good luck Marissa!

EDIT: whats your tattoo mean?

[Inknsteel]

Good luck to you. I need to get serious about my own weight loss again. I'm a male and 5'10", so when I topped out at 315 (highest I ever saw on the scale) I decided I couldn't live like that anymore. I did the yo yo weight thing. I went from 275 to about 195 in 6 months, but not in a healthy way. I quickly regained it all and then some, up to 315 about a year and a half later. I started trying to do things the healthy way and got to 220, then slacked and started drinking excessively and went right back to 250ish. Last year, I dropped that 50 and got back to 200, which for my body structure is about goal weight. Somehow, I've lost the motivation again and in the past year I put 25 back on. So, my advice to you is to make sure you're losing the weight in a healthy way. You'll come to understand that this isn't going to be just about losing the weight, but it will have to be a total lifestyle change to maintain the weight loss. Good luck, and keep us updated!

[JLC]

I feel EVERYthing you've written. About the only difference in my story is that I didn't really get heavy until I started college. But all throughout high school, I THOUGHT I was heavy. I've certainly proved out that false fantasy in the long life I've had since then. I'm heading into the late side of my 40's now...and losing weight is a lot harder than it used to be. Which means it's a lot easier to get discouraged along the way.

So, yeah...embrace this while you're young!! But no matter what age you are, the journey is not an "easy" one. If it were, we'd all be lean and fit.

I applaud your openness. It's not easy exposing such secrets to the light. I've shared a lot of my own weight loss journey here in the past, but there are still always dark corners that I've never shared with anyone.

Figuring out WHY we are compelled to binge, and/or eat in secret is probably the key to unwrapping those chains....otherwise, it's just us being disciplined for a few weeks or months, and then sliding back into those old chains we never really escaped from, and starting all over again. ...and again ....and again.

I don't have any answers, but every now and then I have a decent idea, a spark of wisdom, or a good recipe I'm happy to share. I'll follow your story for as long as you want to share it, and hopefully, sometime soon, I'll find that bloom of motivation again for myself.

[Marissa@MKmorphs]

Good luck Marissa!

EDIT: whats your tattoo mean?

My tattoo is my Chinese name. I was adopted in to a Chinese family and it is the name my Popo (my dad's mom) gave me. It is Ho Kwai Fong


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[4Ballz]

funny you write this. friend's of mine from work had a weight loss challenge in Jan to end of April. Winner would win $500.

I said let's start the challenge again next Jan. Most said it's never going to happen. Guess what? We are already starting the challenge again this coming Monday...I put on my 30 pounds I lost already. I went from 231.5 to 207. Which was the lowest I've been since maybe gr.11. So our challenge is actually going to run 6-8 months this time, instead of 3. Which was unhealthy as one guy managed to lose over 22% of his weight. 184 to 141 or something crazy.

It's not easy, and the second you lose momentum is when it's the hardest to get back on track.

Do the routine YOUR way. Find what works for you, and have ONE cheat day. Whether that be a saturday, tuesday or friday.

Have you seen a psychiatrist? Maybe they can help you overcome anything you may have missed. Emotions play key into our lifestyle, and maybe a little guidance is what you might be needing.

I don't know you, but you seem very cool on this site.

I wish you the best, and again, find your own routine to keep you motivated.

- - - Updated - - -

sexy legs btw

[Marissa@MKmorphs]

JLC- I've been working on trying to figure out what makes me binge, especially when I'll be doing so well and losing weight then it seems that binging is the only thing I can do. The only thing I can come up with is that I am afraid of not being able to hide behind the "fat girl" label! Not having that sense of security and being able to distance myself from society is a scary thought. If I feel insecure without my glasses I cant imagine how I'm going to feel without all this fat to hide behind!


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[ballpythonluvr]

I too am starting a weight loss journey, just today as a matter of fact. I weigh 203 pounds and I am 5' 3". I want to get down to at least 150. I am going to start jogging. I am starting out by walking first. I only walked a mile today but you have to start somewhere, right? I am one of those people that has very little motivation and ambition when it comes to dieting and exercising. This time is going to be different though. I look in the mirror and I am not happy with what I see staring back at me. I totally understand your want and need to lose the weight. I am very insecure about the way I look. I don't want to be skin and bones, I just want to to be healthy.

[PorcelainxDoll]

I can relate to you completely. I am 5'6 and 275lbs. A year ago i was 220. I have always been the curvy girl. Now I am just the fat girl. I have lost all confidence in myself. I have no idea how to even start a weight loss journey. I dont eat unhealthy. I have severe fibromyalgia that almost completely limits my mobility outside of my normal work days. Im just totally at a loss.

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[Marissa@MKmorphs]

I'm starting walking again too. Like you said, you have to start somewhere!


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