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  1. #11
    BPnet Veteran dalvers63's Avatar
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    Re: Do you ever just have one of those friends

    I don't have much advice for you, but I did want to make a comment....

    My husband and me are "one of those people". We are polyamorous and believe that is possible to love more than one person at a time. We have been together for a few years and are approaching our 1 year anniversary. We both have other partners and honestly, couldn't see our life limited to just one loving, honest relationship. We communicate constantly, know what is going on with each other, spend time together (his girlfriend will often be arriving as I'm leaving for my weekly date with my boyfriend) and always put our relationship first.

    Keep in mind, this does not work for everyone, just like monogamy does not work for everyone. Just because it isn't something that you see yourself doing does not mean it's wrong. If anyone wants more information, just let me know, I'm always happy to talk about anything in my life.

    With this in mind, from how you describe your friend, she needs to figure out how to have ONE relationship, let alone multiple. I would not move in with her, no matter how much it would help out, if only because I just don't do drama. I find it a waste of time to deal with people like that..I could be working with snakes instead! I can only see problems down the line if you share a house with her. Whether you want it or not, some of the drama will rub off on you. If you're OK with that then move. If not, I bet there are many other places you can find to move with your limited resources.

    Best of luck to you though!

    deb

    Deb
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    iHerp. Do you?

  2. #12
    BPnet Veteran MeMe's Avatar
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    Re: Do you ever just have one of those friends

    well...I don't have friends like that.

    Drama is just bs in my book.

    but if you wanna live with this person than you should accept the type of person she is as she should accept the type of person you are.

    It is her life.

  3. #13
    BPnet Veteran daaangconcepts's Avatar
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    Re: Do you ever just have one of those friends

    Quote Originally Posted by dalvers63
    My husband and me are "one of those people".
    That's kinda hot!

    But I have one question (if you don't mind me asking)

    If that is the lifestyle you both choose to live, why get married at all?

    Or did this begin after you got married?
    Last edited by daaangconcepts; 05-22-2007 at 03:35 PM. Reason: your and you are not the same word

  4. #14
    BPnet Veteran daaangconcepts's Avatar
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    Re: Do you ever just have one of those friends

    Quote Originally Posted by jeffnme
    well...I don't have friends like that.

    Drama is just bs in my book.

    but if you wanna live with this person than you should accept the type of person she is as she should accept the type of person you are.

    It is her life.
    Couldn't of said it better myself.

  5. #15
    BPnet Veteran dalvers63's Avatar
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    Re: Do you ever just have one of those friends

    Quote Originally Posted by daaangconcepts
    That's kinda hot!

    But I have one question (if you don't mind me asking)...

    If that is the lifestyle you both choose to live, why get married at all?

    Or did this begin after your got married?
    A good question...we got married for the same reasons that other couples get married - because we love each other, because it shows a committment and because it was important to us. It also took care of the legal issues, since at this time in this country, it is VERY hard to deal with the government as anything BUT a married union (another topic that SO does not need to go here )

    I have identified as poly since I was young enough to think about a relationship. My husband has been in quite a few different types of relationships and has found that this works for him. Though we are insanely happy with each other, we also find that there are people in our lives that we love just as deeply as we do each other. Yes, it's different than the love we have for each other. That does not change the fact that it IS love and that we are comfortable enough in ourselves and our relationships to be able to show that to others.

    I have lots of good sources if you'd like more info. For now, I don't want to hijack the thread. PM me if you'd like to chat more about it. Like I said, I'm always open to discussing it. My husband has always said he has "no closets" and lives an open life. I pointed out to him that "we do have closets, they're just walk-ins!".

    Deb
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  6. #16
    Registered User Shadowspider's Avatar
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    Re: Do you ever just have one of those friends

    My thoughts.....

    If you and your SO LIKE all the drama and waa waa, goooooddd because if you two actually move in with this person, you'll have it 24/7.

    I've had friends as well as lived with people such as this (as well as swingers, etc.) and I can tell you from first hand experience, that is a VERY good way to postpone your marriage.....peranantly.

    I don't mean to sound like a hard butt here but...people like that, as well as the friends/lovers, whatever you want to call it, of people like that DON'T know what love is and more over, they have absolutely no concept of respect, be it of others or for themselves. They will wander to whoever is closest at the time and, 9 times out of 10, if you're living in that type of enviroment, you and your SO will, eventually, find yourselves caught smack dab in the middle of a mess that neither of you wants.

    I would evaluate your reasons for moving in with this person and decide if those reasons justify the hell that comes along with actually *living* in that life rather than just having it come to visit you from time to time.

    Just remember, all the stuff you deal with now will be 10 fold + if you live with her and you can't begin to imagine how much more will be involved.

    Your friend has issues that she needs to figure out and get *professional* help with.

    ~Denise~
    My pet and critter list......in short form:
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    Lunacy General, Not Crazy, Just Different

  7. #17
    BPnet Veteran PythonWallace's Avatar
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    Re: Do you ever just have one of those friends

    Quote Originally Posted by dalvers63
    I don't have much advice for you, but I did want to make a comment....

    My husband and me are "one of those people". We are polyamorous and believe that is possible to love more than one person at a time. We have been together for a few years and are approaching our 1 year anniversary. We both have other partners and honestly, couldn't see our life limited to just one loving, honest relationship. We communicate constantly, know what is going on with each other, spend time together (his girlfriend will often be arriving as I'm leaving for my weekly date with my boyfriend) and always put our relationship first.

    Keep in mind, this does not work for everyone, just like monogamy does not work for everyone. Just because it isn't something that you see yourself doing does not mean it's wrong. If anyone wants more information, just let me know, I'm always happy to talk about anything in my life.

    With this in mind, from how you describe your friend, she needs to figure out how to have ONE relationship, let alone multiple. I would not move in with her, no matter how much it would help out, if only because I just don't do drama. I find it a waste of time to deal with people like that..I could be working with snakes instead! I can only see problems down the line if you share a house with her. Whether you want it or not, some of the drama will rub off on you. If you're OK with that then move. If not, I bet there are many other places you can find to move with your limited resources.

    Best of luck to you though!

    deb
    This sounds great. Will you tell my g/f how wonderful your lifestyle is? She doesn't believe me
    What are these mojavas I keep hearing so much about?

    J. W. Exotics

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  8. #18
    BPnet Veteran MeMe's Avatar
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    Re: Do you ever just have one of those friends

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadowspider
    Your friend has issues that she needs to figure out and get *professional* help with.
    why is that?

    the poster wants to move in with someone who has an established lifestyle.

    If she doesn't like it then shouldn't move in with her.

    I don't see what this friend is doing so wrong by "testing the waters".

    She is not committed to one person...the poster is.


  9. #19
    BPnet Senior Member joepythons's Avatar
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    Re: Do you ever just have one of those friends

    Quote Originally Posted by Jay_Bunny
    OH NO! We are not together. We are just friends. I'll be moving in with her in a roommate situation this summer and my fiance will join us in December.
    This may sound harsh DO NOT MOVE IN EVER! I can not predict the future but if she enjoys others company what says she will not try your fiances faithfullness?
    Joe Haggard

  10. #20
    BPnet Lifer wolfy-hound's Avatar
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    Re: Do you ever just have one of those friends

    I have friends that are "poly" as described in the other poster's bit. They are not drama artists.
    I think there are two seperate things here. The girl you're describing both cheats on her currant fling, AND loves drama. If she wasn't cheating right then then it would probaly be something else that was going on. I've got a couple friends that are that way. If it isn't a relationship, a relationship going south, her/him cheating during a relationship... then it's someone at work picking on him/her, a person who is being unfair to him/her, some horrible health issue, or some official thing that is too complex to take care of. Some people will have drama no matter what.
    If she has many lovers at once, and some don't understand and cause fights and drama, then it's not going to change. And it's not your place to ry to change it either. She's an adult, and has chosen her lifestyle. What you can change is how it affects you. You can choose to not be friends with her. You can be friends with her and try to help/interfere/intervene. Or you can be her friend, but not get involved in the drama. It's hard not to get involved, but by being firm and keeping your resolve, you can do it. I have. When one comes rushing up to whine/cry/moan at me, I remind them that it's their choice to have many boyfriends/girlfriends or whatever the currant drama act is over. If they need a ride to work, I'm there for them. If they need help cleaning the apartment for a party, I'm there for them. If they want to cry that the currant girl wants him to date ONLY her... not my problem.
    My advice would be NOT to move in with her, as obviously you would have major issues. The drama WILL be there. Even if you distance yourself personally from it, it can occur right in the living room at 3am. Then you have to be involved. It's no environment for a fledgling relationship with college and serious things to evolve in. Stress is a BAD thing, and cutting the stressload is always a good thing. Wait and find somewhere else to move to. Find a tiny place all your own. My husband and I moved into a RATHOLE and it was the most happy wonderful home I'd ever had. It was cheap, and had holes in the walls, but it was WAY better than living with some drama queen and her friends, disrupting our life constantly.
    Just my opinion, and I wish you ALL the best with your fiancee too! Congrats!
    Wolfy
    Theresa Baker
    No Legs and More
    Florida, USA
    "Stop being a wimpy monkey,; bare some teeth, steal some food and fling poo with the alphas. "

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