Neglected Beardie?

[Bogertophis]

Unfortunately there are just some people you simply cannot educate.

55fingers- your poor family dog sounds like he may be diabetic now, or has some other health problem now that he's getting older, & that's truly horrific, to have stuck him outside like that in the cold. I believe I'd have called Animal Control too- again, you have my deepest sympathy for what you & your family's animals have suffered through from your clueless mother. I don't know if there's any way to legally bar her from owning any more pets, but in a perfect world, there sure would be. Maybe AC will have some ideas? I hope so. It really puts you in an awful spot.

(My mom had her issues but poor animal care was never one of them- she took great care of any pets she had- better than people, I'd have to say. )

[55fingers]

Update: Last Sunday I offered to buy the beardie off her. She proceeded to throw a fit, basically said "fine, just take it" but pushed us out of the house before I could. She then messaged us and told us not to come back into the house again. That was one of the only things that gave me comfort, was being able to monitor the animals' and childrens' living conditions and make sure nothing even worse was happening. This lead to us calling CPS on her a few days ago, as my fear for my siblings took priority over the animals.

Here's the kicker: CPS haven't showed up yet. It could be any day though. But today she messaged me and said I could pick up the bearded dragon this Sunday, though she wishes I wouldn't, but she's only letting me have her in an attempt to stop any further action. Well, further action has already been taken but she doesn't know yet, so I'm at a loss at what to do.

There's already no saving any relationship between me and her, after CPS shows up she will see it as the ultimate betrayal and not want anything to do with me. That being said, theoretically I could pretend like nothing has been done, play nice and pick up the bearded dragon on Sunday, then CPS will show up later anyway (for hundreds of reasons not related to the beardie anyway). The caller for CPS is kept confidential but she will know it was me anyway.

On the other hand, I almost feel it's better to just leave it alone now and keep my distance, I did what I could, but the wellbeing of my siblings matters more and I don't want to screw anything up. But once CPS shows up, that's every bit of access I had to the beardie, gone. Again though, the lizard is already 13 years old, there's only so much I could do, and I'm looking at the bigger picture and trying to be strategic.

[Homebody]

Update: Last Sunday I offered to buy the beardie off her. She proceeded to throw a fit, basically said "fine, just take it" but pushed us out of the house before I could. She then messaged us and told us not to come back into the house again. That was one of the only things that gave me comfort, was being able to monitor the animals' and childrens' living conditions and make sure nothing even worse was happening. This lead to us calling CPS on her a few days ago, as my fear for my siblings took priority over the animals.

Here's the kicker: CPS haven't showed up yet. It could be any day though. But today she messaged me and said I could pick up the bearded dragon this Sunday, though she wishes I wouldn't, but she's only letting me have her in an attempt to stop any further action. Well, further action has already been taken but she doesn't know yet, so I'm at a loss at what to do.

There's already no saving any relationship between me and her, after CPS shows up she will see it as the ultimate betrayal and not want anything to do with me. That being said, theoretically I could pretend like nothing has been done, play nice and pick up the bearded dragon on Sunday, then CPS will show up later anyway (for hundreds of reasons not related to the beardie anyway). The caller for CPS is kept confidential but she will know it was me anyway.

On the other hand, I almost feel it's better to just leave it alone now and keep my distance, I did what I could, but the wellbeing of my siblings matters more and I don't want to screw anything up. But once CPS shows up, that's every bit of access I had to the beardie, gone. Again though, the lizard is already 13 years old, there's only so much I could do, and I'm looking at the bigger picture and trying to be strategic.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Sometimes you don't get to choose between good and bad, but only between bad and worse. You ask for advice but I don't trust myself enough to advise you, so I will advise you to trust yourself. You are the best person to decide what to do.

[Bogertophis]

What an awful situation! And it's way too complex to pretend I know exactly what I'd do if I was "in your shoes". I don't think anyone else can second-guess you either. Your mom is really flaky, the way her answers keep changing- & by now, I'm sure you realize this is not how people are supposed to be. Your mom actually seems to need help of some kind, but there's not much you can do about it.

I suppose you could pretend that you know nothing about "who called CPS" but whether or not you're a "good poker player" -ie. whether or not you can keep a straight- believable- face, only you can answer that. Your heart's in the right place, as far as your siblings & the animals, but don't beat yourself up if you can't "fix everything" at this point- you shouldn't have to, it's not your fault.

So don't take on more than what's realistic for YOU at this time in your life, just because you feel bad for the dragon- as we've both said, it's 13 years anyway at this point. There will ALWAYS be animals around that are easier to adopt & probably more suitable for you to "rescue" when & if you're ready- & truly, NONE of us can rescue them all. It's so heartbreaking, but true.

Don't let it get you down, okay? Take good care of yourself right now- keep your own life on the right track. It will get better- you'll see- the more you connect with & keep non-toxic people in your life, & tune out the ones that can only bring you down. From what you've said, calling CPS was the right call- let them do their job & hope for the best.

[Erie_herps]

This is a very difficult situation, but the important part is that you're trying your best. Something does need to be done about it and you're doing all that you can, which I respect. I don't know what I would do so just do whatever you think is best, you can't make a wrong decision.

[55fingers]

What an awful situation! And it's way too complex to pretend I know exactly what I'd do if I was "in your shoes". I don't think anyone else can second-guess you either. Your mom is really flaky, the way her answers keep changing- & by now, I'm sure you realize this is not how people are supposed to be. Your mom actually seems to need help of some kind, but there's not much you can do about it.

I suppose you could pretend that you know nothing about "who called CPS" but whether or not you're a "good poker player" -ie. whether or not you can keep a straight- believable- face, only you can answer that. Your heart's in the right place, as far as your siblings & the animals, but don't beat yourself up if you can't "fix everything" at this point- you shouldn't have to, it's not your fault.

So don't take on more than what's realistic for YOU at this time in your life, just because you feel bad for the dragon- as we've both said, it's 13 years anyway at this point. There will ALWAYS be animals around that are easier to adopt & probably more suitable for you to "rescue" when & if you're ready- & truly, NONE of us can rescue them all. It's so heartbreaking, but true.

Don't let it get you down, okay? Take good care of yourself right now- keep your own life on the right track. It will get better- you'll see- the more you connect with & keep non-toxic people in your life, & tune out the ones that can only bring you down. From what you've said, calling CPS was the right call- let them do their job & hope for the best.

Thank you, your words genuinely help. It's a really tough situation where unfortunately not everyone can win. I have gone ahead and told her to keep the beardie. For now my priority is my siblings and I just have to wait and hope that CPS do their job to help build our case. Hopefully it will ultimately help us with the animals' welfare as well, in the long run.

[Bogertophis]

Thank you, your words genuinely help. It's a really tough situation where unfortunately not everyone can win. I have gone ahead and told her to keep the beardie. For now my priority is my siblings and I just have to wait and hope that CPS do their job to help build our case. Hopefully it will ultimately help us with the animals' welfare as well, in the long run.

Many people have a rough start in life- it's not fair, & it's unfortunate you're having to deal with things at such a young age, but learn from it, try not to be bitter, & move forward to have your own best life.

Hang in there- hugs!