Fiancee is Not the Biggest Fan of Reptiles

[ASP]

So briefly, my fiancé is not a huge fan of reptiles. She's open minded enough to give it a shot of keeping them and learning about them. She comes from a family of whenever they saw a snake they killed it just for the hell of it. Me on the either hand I've always had a love of all reptiles. So, what I'm curious about is have any of y'all ever went through this? What are some tips or advice you could give to me to help make the transition as seamless as possible?

[Bogertophis]

Does she like other animals? It's about learning what makes snakes so unique, & gaining her trust with reliably tame ones. Be patient but don't give up, she'll get there.
I've always loved all sorts of animals too, but I honestly didn't expect to like snakes this much. Didn't help that I'd had various pet rodents first either. But snakes can't
help what nature programmed them to eat, & maybe when she better understands how hard it is for snakes to survive, how they're actually shy & nothing like the horror
movies make them out to be...? Good luck!

[Stewart_Reptiles]

I am married to someone who is not into reptiles has always been afraid of snakes and I am a snake breeder.

Having someone in your life does not mean they have to like or participate to everything you do and vice versa.

When you care about someone you encourage them to follow their passion.

My snakes are in the snake room my husband does not go in the snake room and everyone is happy.

Been married 19 years been keeping and breeding snakes for 14.

[Toad37]

^^this^^

My wife isn't the biggest fan of my snakes by any means. She will only come into the snake room if I'm in there and need something, never just because she wants to. Other than taking pictures of me with the bigger ones (because I don't have a free hand) she has pretty much nothing to do with them and we're both totally fine with that.

She supports me and my passion for reptiles and I support her decision to have nothing to do with them!

[Luvyna]

If she's open-minded and willing to give it a try that's all you really need imo When the pandemic is over maybe go to a reptile show together and try holding some snakes and talking to breeders to learn about them together? I've found just the act of holding a snake can turn some people around once they realize that it feels nice and that snakes are actually soft, shy, and vulnerable. Best of luck and I hope that once your fiance learns more about snakes she and her family will also learn to treat wild snakes with kindness and respect!

[dakski]

Yeah, it's been said, but the key points for me are:

1. Love and respect. That goes both ways. If she, ultimately isn't comfortable with the reptiles, don't push the issue. Respect her feelings. However, she should understand that they are important to you and let you have that.

2. Try to educate her and see if she comes around.

I love my reptiles, while my wife Katie, is a "like" the reptiles kind of woman, when she's in a "reptile mood." Otherwise, it's kind of "Eh." However, as with other hobbies I have that we do not share at all (cars, motorcycles, collecting and aging cigars, collecting whiskey, etc.), she supports me and encourages me to follow my passions. I do the same for her (writing, art, volunteering, etc.). We share many things, but it's vital to respect and encourage what makes us individually happy as well.

I've tried to get Katie more open to the reptiles. I took her to a show and she came home with Ezzy, our Leachie. Ezzy quickly became my responsibility and although she is more an "our" than a "mine," she's really part of my collection and I care for her.

I realized, if Katie wants to, she will be more involved, but the more I push - if I choose to go that route (which I am not) - she will just become resentful and less interested. That what be disrespectful of me to push. She's made clear how she feels about them, which is that they are fine and she's glad they make me happy. However, she really doesn't want too much to do with them. I've come to terms with the fact that this is mostly my hobby.

On the flip side, my female BI, Behira, who is and will ultimately be our largest snake, nailed me when young in a food response. I've hook trained her and there have been zero issues since (2 1/2 years later). However, it spooked Katie, especially after we visited a friend who has a reptile store and she saw how big Behira will get (at the time I got bit, Behira was under 500G, now she's pushing 2KG). She floated the idea of maybe finding a new home for her. We talked about it and ultimately Katie said it was my decision and she would never make me get rid of one of my animals. She trusts me, loves me, and respects my judgement. She and Behira are now "kind of" buddies and all is well in that regard.

However, the point is, love and respect goes both ways. I don't push the reptiles on her, and she doesn't dictate my collection to me or take away from my enjoyment of my reptiles. The one exception is that we both decided on a space and time limit and we are both happy where the collection is now (at 12 animals). I think Katie is more interested in a smaller collection than I am emotionally, but we have come to a logical conclusion together. I ask her to help me stay in line, as I could potentially grab more reptiles than I could care for without her help with balance.

Anyway, I went on here, but it's important that there be reciprocity in relationships, especially with significant others.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[SunshineWalker]

Hi! Just to be clear... i am the Katie Dakski mentioned.

*waves*

I want to point out too that even though I'm not as into them as Dave I still want to see them be healthy.

In fact when Yafe the carpet python was sick I gave him injections (daily? Weekly? I don't remember how often).

Then Figment pooped on me and I was pretty over the whole thing for a while.

I never minded them though being in the house. Some people get really freaked when they hear that there are 12 reptiles in my house. People usually have a lot.of questions and I recently found out that I have way more of an extensive knowledge of keeping than I realize when we had an impromptu Q & A at my office.

Basically, I think if you are willing to take on the care and let her gradually become used to them I think it will be fine.

Also if she has any questions for a fellow reptile co habitant please feel free to reach out. I'd be happy to share my experiences.




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[Spicey]

I just remember the wonder in my mom's voice the first time she held my KSB, and she'd never touched a snake before.

"I never imagined they were like this!" She is 92.

[Lord Sorril]

What are some tips or advice you could give to me to help make the transition as seamless as possible?

Someday when everything goes back to normal...take her to a reptile expo, this will show her that a lot of people actually like snakes/lizards etc and that fearing/disliking them is often due to not understanding them...

[KMG]

My wife wants and has nothing to do with my collection. She's probably only held three of them, not even 30 seconds, and maybe only touched with one finger the others.... Maybe. She made it clear to me when it started she didn't want anything to do with it and I was ok with that.

She will sit in there when I feed and bring me water for bowls if needed but that's the extent of her involvement... And that's only with me. She's never done anything without me here. I doubt she's ever gone in that room without me.

In case I die I have a list for each snake telling her what it is and other important information. It's using OneNote which is what I also track our vehicle maintenance, account passwords, guns, and other things. It's a one stop shop for her that we both have access to in case something happens to me.