Addiction

[Cheesenugget]

I think we all know of a friend, family, coworker or even a passerby suspect of being addicted to substance abuse. Maybe you, the reader, was an addict who sought rehab or still someone fighting his or her own addiction. For me, while I was one foot in the alcoholic realm, I was fortunate enough to snap myself out of it before I go any deeper. My husband was a former heroine addict, my dad was a gambling addict and I knew way too many friends or met coworkers who are alcoholics or/and take prescription pills. I know there are many different types of addiction but today, I want to focus specifically on drugs.

As of today, I guess she is no longer employed by our office. No names will be provided. She is a 40 year old single mother with a 6 year old living with a boyfriend. Her older kids live their father. She was hired about a year ago as part of the support staff. Without any experience and no GED or high school diploma, and as support, her pay was okay. It was above the minimum wage and an average pay rate for someone in her position, in this field, with this level or lack of education and no prior experience. I don't blame her if she feels she should get paid more. In fact, we all encourage her to move up the ladder and to do so, we trained her so she can apply for a better position when it opens up or apply for a different firm. She is a nice person overall and with only a handful of us working as a team, we all had voiced our opinion about how we want her to continue her good work and we wanted to keep her.

The reason for concern? We suspected she is on 'something.' She is either late hours (3-4 hours) or does not come in at all, and this always happens on a Monday or a Friday. Her reasons were her daughter is sick, she did not realize the daycare center was closed for the day, her tires got slashed, her neighbor was standing naked outside of her apartment and her boyfriend pushed her. We give her the benefit of the doubt and urged her to call the police when she said she was threatened. But the stories repeat itself and she would not call the police or claimed she did and they never came. She speaks really fast, rambles from one topic to another, and can't seem to understand what we were saying.

This morning (Monday), her boyfriend called our office after she did not show up for work and we did not hear from her. Her bf had called for her before. He said that the pay was too low, she was overworked, she is at the hospital since 3 am, etc. He too was rambling and it was difficult to understand him. Then she called hours later, saying her boyfriend forced acid into her mouth. Well, I think I'm going to stop the story here as one can tell by now what is going on.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I'm confused on how to feel about this.. I thought by now I should get used to this but no, I think I am in denial that a woman who has so potential and dreams to become a paralegal (I was going to train her myself so she can save $$ from having to go to school for it), and this job is pretty good considering she has health insurance when before she did not. Do you sympathize someone who lies repeatedly? Do you get angry at them? We all had tried to talk to her and told her if she needed help, whatever it is, we would try and help her.

I'm just ranting. I guess just like many other things in life, I will just have to deal with it.

[JRLongton]

I can see that this is really frustrating. And it's clear that you've been more than patient with her. 3-4 hours late routinely? That sounds pretty extreme.

I've known similar stories, sometimes involving people close to myself. The most natural thing in the world is to want to help them and to take them at their word. There's danger in that though, because if you get to close their problems have a way of becoming your problems.

Sadly I've often found that try as we might, you simply can't help these people. All you end up doing is enabling them. Ultimately, they need to help themselves.

[Sonny1318]

I’m sick this morning so forgive me, I’ve known or been related to many people with similar problems. Right now I struggle with a very long list of health issues. I was told my some very prominent doctors I won’t last long. The last two years I’ve been diagnosed as getting worse much worse. I have a very small group of people who don’t give up me. That’s reason why I don’t give up. I don’t know if you got my point, but some people don’t wanna be “saved”, no matter what. Me personally, most mornings I wish were my last. But I got a wife and two daughters, it ain’t just about me anymore. Is this helping you make sense of the situation? I fight back EVERYDAY, but I don’t want too, I know I have too! Believe me, I got no fear of Death. I fear the pain my illness brings those who care for me. Like I said previously, you have be “self aware” sometimes and some people, they don’t wannna be. Peace, and you sound like a very good person ✌️

[MasonC2K]

I am fortunate I suppose. I have never been tempted by drugs. I barely ever drink because I don't like the taste of alcohol.

The only additions I have ever had have been to video games. But once the newness wears off I tend to get bored and wait for a new update to play again or move on to something else.

I mean they call it World of Warcrack for a reason...

[Craiga 01453]

As an alcoholic and an addict myself, I am sympathetic. When you're in that deep, you don't even realize how ridiculous your lies get. It's just all about doing what you can to get your next fix, and if that means asinine lies to try to keep your job, you tell any lie you can.

As somebody who has been clean and sober and watched loved ones struggle with addiction it can be extremely difficult to walk that line. Do you call them out? Do you give the benefit of the doubt? How many times can you just sit back and do nothing? Am I enabling? If I say something will I tick the person off and risk never seeing them again. If I don't say anything will this person lose the battle and I never see them again?

I hate to say it, but everything you mentioned about your coworker sounds EXACTLY like addict behavior. It breaks my heart to see/hear of ANYBODY fighting that fight. Believe me, it's NOT FUN when you get to that point. The self-loathing, the moments of clarity, the running, hiding, lying, cheating, stealing, manipulating...it all SUCKS!!!
You get to a point where you just accept that this is your life, this is how you will die...and you hope it's soon.

I hope your coworker gets the help she needs. My advice to you would be to simply tell her if she ever needs to talk she can call you. Don't push any issues. And if she calls, just listen. It may save a life.

[Bogertophis]

I am fortunate I suppose. I have never been tempted by drugs. I barely ever drink...

Same here, but there is no shortage of addictions of all kinds. This made me think of a co-worker (many years back) whose boyfriend routinely beat her up, but she
always went back to him...just like a drug. You can try to be supportive but without getting sucked in too deeply, because until the individual wants change, nothing
we can say or do will ever change a thing. Seen this movie before...