Venting about my weird week/end

[skydnay]

I needed to vent, but wanted to do it somewhere where I know certain parties won't see it, since I don't want the whole situation to get worse through even more miscommunication (or whatever the heck it was).

So. My best friend is pregnant and lives several states away, and she wanted to make a trip to see me and the rest of her family, as we all live in different states, and she wanted to do some travelling before she was going to be preoccupied with a child. So she planned a trip where she'd fly to visit me for a week, then fly to visit her family. We discussed beforehand that I didn't have any available time to take off of work, but I'd be up for doing whatever we could in the evenings. She said that was fine, she'd bring stuff to entertain herself with.

My friend flew in, and my husband picked her up, and we had a real fun start to the week she was here. I apologized for the lack of time I'd be able to spend with her, and the lack of time available for doing things she wanted to do, AND for being in the middle of packing up to move. She reassured us it was alright, she was fine and having a good time regardless. So we have 4 good days, as far as I know.

Then, for the weekend, I toss out the idea of going to a casino on Saturday. I've never been, my husband said it was fun, and my friend was down. Well. It was not fun, and I was EXTREMELY overwhelmed. I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm probably somewhere on the autism spectrum, and situations like this one seem to add merit to that idea. I panicked a lot. Eventually, I calmed down and we all did some light gambling. I lost all the money I had brought (it wasn't much, and I was prepared to lose it), and was increasingly frustrated by the entire thing. I was also severely let down by the fact that it wasn't at all fun. So we drive home, talk, all lighten up, and go to a neat shop my friend had been wanting to visit.

Then we all go home, my friend and I nap, and my husband planned on going out drinking with friends. I decided to tag along and let my friend sleep. She was asleep both when we left and when we got back.

Then, Sunday morning, we get up and find my friend gone. She was packed all of her things and just left. I panic, thinking something terrible happened, and try to message her on FB... where I find I've been blocked. I try calling. The phone rings three times and goes to voicemail. I try again. Now it goes STRAIGHT to voicemail, and the mailbox is full. I call my mother-in-law, as she had met my friend before and they really liked each other. She asked if my friend was okay, and tell me friend says she's fine, she just didn't feel welcome at all and that she thought my husband and I didn't want to be hosting her, so she couldn't take it anymore and left.

I'm devastated. I had continually made sure she was comfortable and okay with what we were doing, and she never mentioned she wasn't feeling welcome. I thought maybe my frustration with not having enough time might have been taken as frustration with her.

The most upsetting part is that she was supposed to be here for my birthday on Tuesday, and I had plans for Sunday and today (I get off work early for a Dr. appt.) to hang out more in the available time.

My mother-in-law thinks that being pregnant may be leading my friend to not be thinking entirely rationally, but I feel incredibly hurt nonetheless. I was really excited to have my friend in on my birthday, as my husband and I are tight on cash at the moment, and weren't really planning on doing anything to celebrate.


I just needed to type that all out. It's been a wild ride.

[Bogertophis]

Your friend may be more moody & emotional than usual because of her pregnancy, and she insisted on visiting despite you telling her ahead of time that
you had a lot going on & it wasn't ideal, so that set you up for a failure IMO. (it may be hard, but sometimes it's just better to say "no")

It sounds to me as if she awoke from the nap (after the awkward Casino outing) and found you both gone....I can see where she'd have taken that badly-
she apparently thought you didn't want her company. Hindsight is 20:20, you should have woke her up & asked her if she wanted to go with you, or at the
very least, left her a note saying that you hesitated to wake her up, since the evenings were the only time she was expecting to spend with you.

The thing is, you say you're best friends, but neither of you was at your best in communicating with each other. I think she felt hurt and did the same in
return to you by leaving so abruptly. What a shame to lose a friend this way...maybe in time you'll find a way to reach out & talk to each other about how
this all went wrong. Everyone has "issues" at times, the thing is, communication is how you overcome the challenges.

For what it's worth, blowing money in a casino wouldn't be my idea of fun either. Since it was your idea to go, it's too bad it didn't go well. Live & learn..?

[hilabeans]

Ugh, people are the worst!

I'm sorry you're going thru this. Such an extreme reaction on your friend's part leads me to believe she has an entirely different take on how the weekend went. Having been pregnant twice, though, I can say those hormones are a powerful thing to reckon with. While they can excuse some irrational behavior, they don't excuse being outright rude - which I think leaving without so much as a note for you is incredibly rude. I mean, you did put her up for the weekend and take her out - even if it didn't live up to her expectations.

I would give her some time to cool off. If you are able to write her a letter, maybe try that as a way of communicating with her. Don't write it angry, be factual and kind and apologize for anything you may have done to disappoint her. If she values your friendship she will graciously accept your apology and hopefully offer her own for her poor behavior. If she does not accept your explanation, then focus your friendship elsewhere.

Just $.02 from a random stranger on the internet with only half the story.

[Sunnieskys]

I agree with waking her up and telling her you were going out. She absolutely did wake up because.....pregnancy bladder.

And keep in mind her hormones are out of whack. I remember all too well blowing everything out of proportion while pregnant.

I think both of you did things wrong and when and if you talk open and honest communication. I also can guarantee she will yell and cry because....hormones! Keep your voice calm.

And im sorry this is happening.

[Bogertophis]

I agree with hilabeans, btw...no matter what else went on, it WAS extremely rude of her to leave that way. UGH!

[skydnay]

Thanks, guys. I do definitely think there was a lack of good communication, and that it played a part, and I keep kicking myself for not noticing my friend wasn't having a great time. Though hindsight, and all that. In the moment, she seemed perfectly okay. For sure though, this is only half the story. I'm actually upset that I dont really know what the other half is, as I'm left confused and hurt wondering where it all went wrong.

The part I thought was weird was that she told my mother-in-law that she didn't feel welcome the entire time, and actually didn't mention the casino trip, or me being gone for the evening, and I can only wonder at what made her feel that way. I think Saturday was more of a last straw kind of thing, but I was never aware of what could have been building up to that. I just have no idea.

To clear it up a little, as it might be important for understanding, when i went out with my husband, it was at 10 pm. I also am in a one bedroom apt, and my friend was sleeping on the sofa bed in the living room. I HAD gone out of the bedroom a few times since we got back, to see if my friend was up from her nap yet and wanted to hang out, but each time I was, she appaeared to still be sleeping. I do agree that leaving a note was probably a good idea, but since we went out at 10 pm AND she was asleep, I didnt think it would be necessary.

What's hurting me the most, I think, is the abrupt disappearance. She was then one moment, and gone the next, and all lines of communication between us are closed. I did send her a long apologetic text from my husband's phone, since she didn't have his number, and will write her a letter.

At the moment, I'm not angry at her for any of this, really. Just hurt and extremely confused.

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[Bogertophis]

Just give it some time...maybe she'll think more about where it went wrong too & be willing to talk (or write). I hope so, that was a terrible way to
leave things, no matter what.

Hurt feelings + hormones might take a while to sort out. Whatever happens, we all learn stuff in life going forward & maybe it's time to make new friends-
I'd stay open to re-connecting with her, but the bottom line is that a person who is totally unforgiving & unwilling to communicate is just not a "keeper", ya?

How long have you known her? Obviously you used to live closer in the past...maybe you've just grown apart too? It happens, don't beat yourself up.

[skydnay]

Just give it some time...maybe she'll think more about where it went wrong too & be willing to talk (or write). I hope so, that was a terrible way to
leave things, no matter what.

Hurt feelings + hormones might take a while to sort out. Whatever happens, we all learn stuff in life going forward & maybe it's time to make new friends-
I'd stay open to re-connecting with her, but the bottom line is that a person who is totally unforgiving & unwilling to communicate is just not a "keeper", ya?

How long have you known her? Obviously you used to live closer in the past...maybe you've just grown apart too? It happens, don't beat yourself up.

Yeah, that's definitely a good idea. I sent the one text, I'll see about a letter, but after that, I'll let her decide when to respond. She told my mother in law that she would, so I hope it's not to long.

We've known each other since freshman year of high school, and went to the same college together. I never felt like we grew apart, because each time we spoke, it was like we never didn't. That's why this is bothering me so much, too.

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[Skyrivers]

Sorry things did not go so well. Give her time. My weekend was weird also. I helped my ex move her things out of my house and into her new BF house. So happy to have her things out but was awkward to be a part of it. Using my truck did cut the time it took in half. Did enjoy Sunday though. Always love sharing my noodles.

[skydnay]

Sorry things did not go so well. Give her time. My weekend was weird also. I helped my ex move her things out of my house and into her new BF house. So happy to have her things out but was awkward to be a part of it. Using my truck did cut the time it took in half. Did enjoy Sunday though. Always love sharing my noodles.

I'm sorry to hear that. I can only imagine how weird that must have been. But your Sunday did look like a lot of fun!

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