Everything Happens for a Reason

[rlditmars]

One of the members here posted a thread that started with something perhaps, "being a sign." A few commented about fate or destiny and it started me thinking, but I didn't want to hijack Craig's thread. We have all probably heard at one time or another the phrase, "everything happens for a reason". By way of example, imagine you are driving down the road and you are late for an appointment or just an impatient human being. You are approaching a light and with just enough time to not make it, the light changes to Yellow. You are forced to choose between stopping and pushing the red. You choose to stop and Society thanks you. However, what is the aftermath of that event. It is impossible to know what didn't happen as the result of not making the light but never the less I do find myself pondering just that. Did hitting that light prevent me from meeting an opportunity that would have enhanced or diminished my life? If I had made it, could I have met someone who greatly impacted my life for the better? If I had made that light, would I have been in a horrific accident further down the road and perhaps met my demise? Who knows?

Everyone has their own belief system and so the concept can have a myriad of explanations such as, fate, destiny, karma, divine intervention, the butterfly effect, a random occurrence, or even "the force" for you Star Wars enthusiasts. I'm not starting this thread to debate belief systems but instead to share experiences that have impacted or touched our lives and made us reassess the original event and it's value. The significance lies with you so do not think your story is unworthy or doesn't measure up. We only have our stories and they matter. So here is mine.

For reasons that are not relevant to the rest of this story, my Sister and I had been estranged from my mother and brother since 2004. My parents were divorced decades earlier and my brother had chosen to estrange himself from my father as well. Family, eh? You can't pick them.

My father had cardiac issues which left him in heart failure in 2015. We all knew what was coming and my sister and I were doing all we could to spend as much time as possible with my dad before he shook off his mortal coil. We tried to contact my brother to allow him the opportunity to do so as well, he lives in Michigan as does my mother. However, he didn't take our calls and so we left a message to which he never responded. My sister lived in Chicago and my dad and me in Georgia. My sister was planning on coming down to see him again on a Sunday and all the arrangements were made to do so. Unfortunately Dad passed away on Saturday, which in sad twist happened to be my sister's birthday. So basically, from the point of our family of origin, my sister and I only had each other to lean on to get through the tragedy of my dad's passing. That lasted six whole days when on the following Friday my sister died of massive heart attack. It was surreal. I found myself driving to Chicago on Saturday to be with my nephew and brother-in-law, delivering keepsake urns of my father's ashes, picking up my sister's ashes from the funeral home, and all the time the birthday card my father had sent my sister sat unopened on her kitchen table.

My mom called me on Sunday because she had heard through channels that my sister had passed. The way she asked if it was true led me to believe she had reason to suspect it wasn't. I told her it was true and that she had passed on Friday. It was awful. As if things weren't bad enough she told me that my stepfather, who my sister and I had been very fond of, had died the year before of Leukemia. No one had bothered to notify us of his illness when we could have had time, or his passing. We spoke for only a few minutes and hung up. It was left in a way that there was no anticipation of further communication. Three losses in 9 days was all I could take. I was mired in depression for a long time. About three months after my sister's passing my mother called me out of the blue. She said she just really needed someone to talk to about my sister. It was bothering her that she always thought they'd have the chance to fix things but now she couldn't. I thought it odd since my mother and brother had each other for support. I mean he lived with her until he was 41, but that's another story. Then I learned my brother had cut ties with my mom too. So she was essentially alone like me when it came to our family of origin.

Fast forward to today, where my mother and I have repaired our relationship and have had a couple of great years reconnecting. Sadly though, my mother has experienced a rapid decline since July from dementia and I am quickly losing her again. While it is not a physical loss yet, it is certainly a loss of the person I know as Mom. Be that as it may, I am grateful for the time we have had to resurrect or relationship and that I am there to assist her through this. I hope I can help her do it with some dignity. If we hadn't reconnected who would help her?

I am fairly confident that had my sister not passed, we would still be estranged today. So in the midst of the tragedy, something good arose from the ashes. Perhaps that's the reason things happened the way they did. I won't try to define it. I am just contemplating its significance.

Well that's my story. Please share yours.

[Sonny1318]

Your story really hit home with me for so many reasons. I’m sorry for all your loss and glad some positive came out of it. I to have family you can not choose. And I myself am not exactly a healthy person. Thanks for sharing your story. I wish the best for you.

[Craiga 01453]

Wow, awesome and powerful story. Thank you so much for sharing. Hugs being sent your way, my friend.

[Bogertophis]

I very much relate to your family story. My parents were the "poster-children" for "love-hate" and they were married & divorced twice, having produced
3 of us confused & stressed kids that grew up with mom. That's all water under the bridge at this point- our dad was more interested in his son & treated
him differently than his daughters...so we weren't close. When I visited him (across the country) in later years, he sort of gave me the creeps & perhaps
it was mutual: I obviously reminded him of my mom. Years later when he passed of a massive heart attack (after suffering years of COPD from smoking)
it had little impact on my feelings, sorry to say. I still remember him as verbally abusive when I was a child & he did little to improve his image with me.
(A child should never hear their father say to their mother that he's going to leave her lying in a pool of blood...he truly needed kids like he needed a hang-
nail and apparently cared just about as much.) At least over the years I was close with my siblings, and all of us seemed to learn not to "become" our
parents, so I guess they served as bad examples. None of us even smoked. Some years back I lost my mother to dementia as you did: that is a horrible
ordeal...the person you knew is in front of you, but yet they aren't fully there anymore. It's a frightening nightmare for them too...my mother started
having awful hallucinations, things she claimed she saw in her house & yard at times, & she was convinced they were real. And unfortunately for her, my
dad never died, he was right there in the basement (that her house did NOT have!) & causing trouble for her all the time. No, she couldn't even take com-
fort in his passing. What an awful disease. May I send you a hug too?

[Prognathodon]

My husband’s grandmother always told him “everything turns out for the best”, and although it hasn’t always been obvious, she’s been right. It may be the result of thinking that way influences how we see things, but that’s ok with me.


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[Bogertophis]

My husband’s grandmother always told him “everything turns out for the best”, and although it hasn’t always been obvious, she’s been right. It may be the result of thinking that way influences how we see things, but that’s ok with me.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro

Sorta like saying "it could be worse"....which is another way of staying "positive"...something we all need.

[Reinz]

I can definitely relate to those stories of rlditmars and Bogertrophis, I have lived and am living through those situations myself. It’s very hard to do indeed. Stay strong.