Coping with death.

[Rhys]

I recently had gotten a baby Nile monitor as a rescue. As soon as I got her she was gone. It had been two of the best days of my life and now they're gone forever. I've wanted a monitor for over 2 years and getting her was pretty much the only good thing in my life and now shes gone. Forever gone. I feel like a failure and it seems like everyone is looking at me like i'm a failure. What do I do? I've gone so far into this hobby that it feels like I need to leave the hobby. I've based my whole life on this and my future, but it all feels like a waste. Maybe I need to go out and see more nature. Or I just need to get the baby lizard out of my freezer so I don't get depressed every time I go to get my hot pockets. Should I get another animal? My mom said she'd get me a new one as she knows how hard this is for me, but every time I think of a new lizard all I think of are little worms moving around in its stomach killing it within the first couple of days I have it. I wish I had never gotten her. It hurts so much writing this and I wish there was something I could do.

[the_rotten1]

Well, first of all I'd advise you not to take in rescues if you can't stomach death. Taking in an animal that you know is in bad health is a risky business. I know you've spent a lot of time wanting a Nile monitor, but you can't base your whole life on an animal you only had for two days.

Take some time to grieve, take the body out of the freezer and find a nice place to bury it, and if being out in nature calms you down then go on some nature walks and reflect on where to go from here. Getting a new animal (one that's hopefully in better health) may help, but remember that death is a universal constant. Even if you have 5, 10, 15, or more years with an animal, most of them will have lifespans much shorter than yours. (Unless you get a tortoise, they will typically outlive you.)

Think about that and ask yourself if you can handle the death of a pet again, whether it comes quickly or a long time from now. If not, it may be best to hold off on getting another animal.

[BluuWolf]

I'm so sorry for your loss, sadly this is a big part of owning pets. I know how hard it is to let go, but moving forwards is the only way to go. Holding on to the animals body just isn't helpful to you or healthy, give him a proper burial and let him go. At the very least he is at piece now.

Do what will makes you happy and get your mind into a better place. I know animals in my life always make me feel a million times better, knowing they depend on me and need me always helps me to push forwards but it all really depends on you if getting another animal is the right course of action for you. Like the_rotten1 said, if saying goodbye is just to hard for you then perhaps it isn't for you. But keep in mind, it's better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all.

You have my deepest condolences, I really am sorry this happened and I do hope you can get past it. Its okay to grieve, just don't beat yourself up.

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[wolfy-hound]

If you take in rescues, then you're going to experience deaths. Especially in reptiles, it seems that early poor care will catch up with the animal later on.

I would suggest that you find one of the respected breeders of monitors to get your next one. Rescues and pet store animals and large resellers will often have imports which will not have a easy time adjusting. The real breeders' animals will often cost far more, but the results are worth it.

You can take this time to fix your caging so it's perfect, plan out how you will expand the caging later as the new one grows and mourn for the lost one.

[Prognathodon]

If she died only a couple days after you got her I highly doubt her death is because you failed, much more likely she was a very sick baby to start with. That does not make you a failure, and I don’t think anybody that has a clue about reptiles (or any pets, really) would think you’re a failure because you couldn’t save a sick baby.

Yes, getting the body out of the freezer will probably help you. And I’m not picking on you about that, 20-mumble years ago it was a ferret in our freezer. If getting outdoors seems like it would help, then go.

If you’re not ready for another animal now, then wait. It’s cool that your mom realizes that reptiles get into our hearts the way the cute fluffies do.


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[Lapara157]

Listen bro you made an effort to save those animals even tho they passed they passed in a place where they couldve gotten strong and healthy its not your fault they passed its the circle of life its the one thing thats guaranteed no matter who where and the species its all a matter of when so dont mourn there passing at least their passing had a meaning to somebody and thats beautiful bro so dont beat yourself up about or get discouraged focus on what makes tou happy and do what you love with no regrets we have no control over events all we can control is our perspexrive and how we deal with adversity and challenges stay strong and keep doing what u love