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» November 2017

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  1. #11
    BPnet Veteran Sonny1318's Avatar
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    Don't ever give up brother, and you ain't a wuss. I'm fifty one, it's never to late. Never hurts to smile, be polite. Relax a little, you'll make one. Peace.

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    ballpythonluvr (12-09-2016)

  3. #12
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    I read somewhere (and this seems to jive with anecdotal experience) that close friendships are most likely to develop when you have frequent/regular contact with people that is basically required or automatic. So classmates and coworkers are likely candidates, because you see them all the time whether you make a particular plan to see them or not. Same is true for people at clubs, churches, gyms, buses/trains, or other activities you go to on a regular basis for some particular reason beyond just hanging out.
    So that's why lots of people make best friends in college, for example. It helps that by college, your classmates are more likely to be people who share interests. I am still kind of sad that I really didn't make friends in college at all, because I know so many people who value their college friendships.
    My spouse met his best friend in college, and they were roommates after; then all three of us lived together for about nine years until spouse's BFF moved out to live with his girlfriend. So at this point, spouse's BFF is basically my BFF too.
    I've thought about this some recently because I've done only a mediocre job of keeping up with other friends and formerr coworkers; I mostly work alone now, and I miss having coworkers every day. I'm mostly too lazy or busy to go to social events, which I know is no one's fault but my own. But fortunately I have spouse, who really is my bestest friend. And our former housemate and his girlfriend live only five minutes away so we see them often.

    But before I met Spouse, basically my entire social life was bicycling clubs. That's less true now, but I suppose that if I were in need of another social outlet, that's where I'd retreat to.

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    o.r hill (12-30-2016)

  5. #13
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    Re: I turn 40 in a few months. Is it still possible at this age to find a best friend

    Quote Originally Posted by ballpythonluvr View Post
    I am 43 years old and other then my boyfriend whom I have been living with for almost 14 years I do not really have any friends. I have Facebook friends but they live far away and they are not into snakes like I am. My boyfriend isn't totally into them either but he supports me for my love of the hobby. I come on this website everyday because I have some really good friends and I actually have things in common with them. You will find a best friend. My family doesn't support me at all, basically turned their backs on me several years ago, and they are not into me keeping snakes. I don't really care. I don't need them anyways. I have learned to be happy with what I have and I am grateful to be with a man that loves and supports me for who I am.
    Similar situation here. 48, and been with the same guy for the last ten years. BF isn't really an animal person, but he is supportive, also enjoys what we have, and I too, am grateful to have him in my life. I don't have friends here, just some acquaintances with somewhat similar interests. I'm not a "people person" anyway. Always prefer my solitude. I don't follow FaceBook, but post on a couple of animal care forums, and one political forum. Parents are both gone, and I have nothing in common with what's left of the family (it was never a close family anyway).
    Last edited by distaff; 12-09-2016 at 02:04 PM.

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    ballpythonluvr (12-09-2016)

  7. #14
    Registered User OneEyedFox's Avatar
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    Re: I turn 40 in a few months. Is it still possible at this age to find a best friend

    Can't really speak from my own experience, since I'm fifteen and still have a lot of growing to do lol, but my mom didn't find her best friend until she was thirty-two, and they've been close ever since. I don't think there's an age limit to when you should stop looking for a best friend, love, whatever. You'll fine a good friend one day, just gotta keep looking!

  8. #15
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    hungba don't be upset and just look around, go out wherever it's possible for you to grasp a sudden opportunity as I did. I'll be 40 very soon and late November I made friends with a guy - just quite of a sudden. We now think that was a mere coincedence. So it's never late for you also.

  9. #16
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    I was so lost for few months asking me these questions. What is the purpose of life? For eating? For breathing? For living for the sake of living ? Really?
    I had gone through the book “Jungle" Yossi Ghinsberg (keynote speaker).
    For me meaning comes from a continual desire to build something that I think is worthwhile and leave a mark behind. I wake up each day and try to make it better than the previous one, and to learn something I didn't know the previous day. Set reasonably high standards for yourself (not unattainable ones)- try to achieve that. Rinse. Repeat - until you die. You will be a happy man along the way. I guarantee it.

  10. #17
    Registered User the_rotten1's Avatar
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    Re: I turn 40 in a few months. Is it still possible at this age to find a best friend

    Quote Originally Posted by Coluber42 View Post
    I read somewhere (and this seems to jive with anecdotal experience) that close friendships are most likely to develop when you have frequent/regular contact with people that is basically required or automatic. So classmates and coworkers are likely candidates, because you see them all the time whether you make a particular plan to see them or not. Same is true for people at clubs, churches, gyms, buses/trains, or other activities you go to on a regular basis for some particular reason beyond just hanging out.
    I think frequent contact is the main factor. I work remotely from home and my coworkers live nowhere near me. I don't go to church or the gym. The only reason I have friends is because I have social hobbies. I belong to a few groups of people that get together a couple times a month and do things. A lot of these people share my goals and ideals and I've known them long enough to know I can count on them in a pinch. That means a lot to me. I don't have a "best friend", but I've never been one to play favorites. My friends are all important.

    So while I could just say "find a hobby" its important to find a social hobby. I also consider my snakes a hobby, but I haven't made many other friends who are into herps. I'm good with the guy who runs the local pet store, but he doesn't have time for much outside of the store. It keeps him busy. I've also met another breeder nearby. I invited him to see my collection, but he never got back to me about it. So what you really want is a group that gets together often. That way you can get to know people and make friends.

    And you never know, sometimes hobbies will cross over. I've met people on here who are into the same dorky web comic I like and people irl who are happy to come see my snakes. I just had a guy over a few days ago and he was blown away by all the neat morphs I have. Btw I'm 35, not that it matters.
    16 Ball Pythons, 3 Western Hogs, a pair of Rosys, a pair of Corns, and a pair of Mexican Black Kings.

  11. #18
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    Being best friends requires a mature level of real compromise, dependability and acceptance. A person that you can count on to be there physically and/or emotionally, based on the situation. Someone you can count on to tell you the truth, and give you good advice and support, delivered in a caring manner. When they fall short, best friends are people who can hear about it, really apologize, and do better next time. I didn't develop deep friendships until I was in my 40's...good acquaintances, sure, but not people I could really count on to be helpful when the sh** hit the fan. It's a very special thing to have, that requires proximity and time to become a valuable relationship.
    I know many couples who love each other and are together, but they aren't best friends. I don't know how they maintain that level of intimate relationship without a deep friendship as well.
    I think true best friend relationships are just as likely, or even more likely to occur for late-middle aged and older people.
    A really special significant relationship can develop for someone in these age brackets from a best friendship. It's a more deliberate thing, with more to hold it together than just desire.

    And if the above was "too much," you can always fall back on this sure-fire gauge for determining whether or not a deep and lasting, intimate relationship is possible: Just ask yourself..."Do I care enough about this person to pick his/her hair out of the tub drain for the rest of my life?"

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