Anxiety, Paranoia, and Depression

[therunaway]

Just so everyone knows, I'm 14 years old, I'll be 15 in November. I don't trust talking to anyone because I feel like I'm being taken as a joke, and it's summer so no school counselors, and I was talking to an upper-classman the other day and said that the counselor that I will have all four years in high school, sucks! So, that's out the door, because I don't want to end up blowing up on someone because as some others have mentioned, manic depression is present also, just didn't want to throw so much into one pot and make some kind of chemical explosion. :c

I really do appreciate all the advice, and I thank those who are trying to push me away from medication due to its negative works on the body, brain, etc. I am just to the point to where I'm kind of null, or numb, I don't really care anymore. MarkS - your sons story is touching, I feel for him, and if you could tell him for me, I tell everyone this who feels his way, there's always light on the other side of whatever you're pushing through.

[Archimedes]

15 is the perfect age to jump into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There are plenty of adolescent therapists out there, and I attended therapy through my entire high school career. I even got the chance to do teen group therapy, which was a really good experience for me.

This link is a pretty good resource to a large number of potential therapists. I wouldn't advise medication at your age yet, especially since you haven't explored cognitive options yet. Trust me, there are plenty, even if it doesn't seem it!

[Konotashi]

I was 14 when I was hospitalized.

I made the mistake of not telling anyone how I felt because I didn't think anyone would take me seriously. I kept everything a secret until I imploded one day and called my mom, telling her all the ways I had planned to take my own life, and the years I'd planned it.
I'd also threatened to kill her boyfriend, why I wanted to do it, and how.

She told me that she was going to come pick me up from where I was and take me to the hospital. The doctors there said they were going to evaluate me (basically, ask me questions), and based on that, determine whether I needed to stay or not.
I thought they'd let me go. No way they'd want me to stay. There were people with more serious issues than me. They weren't going to waste their time on me. No WAY!

Nope. After their evaluation, they concluded that I was NOT leaving that hospital (not even to go home and get anything - I was to make a list and my parents were to bring anything I needed to me). Schoolwork could be picked up and brought to me. They DID take me seriously, and I was shocked. I didn't think they would.

Don't think that no one will take you seriously. Your dad may not see or understand the severity of what is going on, but many people out there do. The first step is reaching out for help before you get to the point I was at or further.

[jhaskins]

I would start with your family Dr. or general practitioner who may refer you to a specialist (therapist, psychologist,psychiatrist) . I know it's cliche (but true!) - everyone is different. Anxiety and depression in some cases can be successfully dealt with exercise and diet (although when depressed the last thing you probably want/can do is go running). Medication can help and the type really depends on your symptoms, frequency, and how you react to specific medications - not something to go into lightly. Therapy can be key.

Good luck and take care of yourself!

[Anya]

To the OP,

I know where you're coming from, hon. **hugs** My parents have always taken my mental health seriously, but I have had countless friends who needed help, but couldn't get it because their parents simply couldn't face the fact that something might be wrong. Other people are out there, though, and resources. You just have to advocate for yourself, and make sure you get the help you need.


Here, have a little advocating for better living through chemistry.

I have been on soo many different medications since I was 14. (19 now) I have depression and anxiety + specific social anxieties + some OCD self harming behaviors. Nothing particularly dangerous to me, but certainly destructive. If I wasn't on the medications I'm on, I would be non functional. Believe it or not, I actually got into ball pythons for my anxiety.

My brain has a severe chemical imbalance. Just like I would take medicine for anything else wrong with my body, I correct the chemical imbalance with medications. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Proper diet and exercise can help IMMENSELY! I recommend you start asap, eating lots of healthy fruits and veggies, nice lean meats, and read up about how different foods effect your moods. That being said, the reason I take meds instead of actually treating my body well? Is because a side effect of my illness is being extremely tired and lethargic all the time. It never stops, and to have any energy at all, I have to take my meds regularly.

Talk therapy helped me get through some very difficult times in my life. I swear my it, but I do believe it depends on your depression, whether it's based on your situation, or it's chemical. It can help you learn to cope with various aspects of chemical depression, but it can't treat the imbalance on it's own.

Meds are a mixed bag, and a long road to walk. There are days when I am so thankful I have them, and am able to function as a normal human being- others, I resent the fact that I am enslaved to a small cream colored pill.

In the end, no one but you with the help of a trained doctor can decide what's best for you. I really hope you find what you need. We're all here for you.

[therunaway]

Thanks to everyone whose posted here! I am interested in the CBT, can someone describe it? Oh, and when being evaluated, what type of questions are asked?

[Anya]

Oh, and when being evaluated, what type of questions are asked?

You mean evaluated for diagnosis or treatment?

General questions: how you feel on a regular bass, sleep patterns, eating habits, if you're having harmful thoughts, sex drive, questions about specific situations. Nothing particularly scary.

[AlexiTLO]

I'm almost 23. I've had panic disorder for about 6 years and a social anxiety disorder for about 2 (both diagnosed by professionals). Sometimes I think my panic disorder leads me to become agoraphobic. I've tried a couple SSRIs to manage it but I just don't like them. They were never "bad", I guess its just part of the anxiety. It's hard to explain. Celexa was the best for me, when I was taking it I was just on a smaller dosage, 20mg. No major side effects.

This last year was the worst its ever been. I had been going through some issues and unfortunately I thought drinking would help. When I decided to stop drinking I went through mild-moderate withdrawals. Long story short, I had a panic attack while at work and went home. At that time I was 110% sure that I was actually insane. Some people worry about dying but for me its always been "what if I'm crazy". Especailly after finding out that my grandma is "mildly schizophrenic". That absolutely terrifies me.

For a good solid 2 1/2 weeks I stayed at home. I'm pretty sure I came very very close to losing my job. Most of the time I wouldn't leave my bedroom, it was the only place I felt safe. Everything around me just seemed so scary, unreal, almost dreamlike. This freaked me out even more, I would just lay in bed crying and asking myself why I cant just "snap out of it" or "be normal" like everyone else. There were a few times I did have to go out in public for what ever reason and I would just break down and cry, sometimes I felt paranoid. My dad would just tell me to relax, calm down. It made it even more difficult for me because there wasn't anything I could do about it. I was frustrated, no one seemed to understand how much I was struggling.

I ended up going to a new doctor and after going over my history (once again) I was diagnosed with anxiety disorders and depression. He suggested I start therapy and Celexa, since it had worked in the past. He gave me ativan to take as needed as well as atarax.

Therapy was very hard for me at first. I was worried about so many "what ifs". What if they see me have a panic attack? What if they finally tell me I am psychotic? What if they don't believe me? What if they tell me its all in my head? These thoughts had me reschedule my first appointment multiple times. When I finally did go I was so incredibly anxious. Then I realized I was completely overreacting to the situation. I was reassured I wasn't crazy, that anxiety is real, that what I had gone through before was most likely derealization and depersonalization, both were not unheard of for people with anxiety disorders. He gave me a bunch of handouts and suggested things to read on anxiety and how to cope with it. I found those tools to be so valuable. When I practiced the breathing techniques I was shown, I found out I really could make it through panic attacks. I just had to ride them out. They won't kill me after all. After a while I felt better, I felt like I had more control over things and I stopped going.

In March of this year, I was having an issue with abdominal pain. I went to the ER and once they determined it wasn't anything life threatening they gave me medication (I had never taken before) to help my pain. I ended up having a bad reaction to it, my heart started racing, I felt like it was hard to breathe, my muscles were twitching. Naturally, it triggered a panic attack. I was hooked up to all the machines, hooked up to oxygen, etc. Of course, I lived.
That night has still stuck with me. After that I decided I didn't want to take any more medications. I stopped taking celexa, I was worried that I would suddenly develop an allergy or have a bad reaction to it. I also started to get panic attacks when eating food or drinking things besides water, I was worried about the same things. I struggle with insomnia and I have medication for it but, I am too worried about side effects to actually take it.

The social anxiety is hard. I really don't have any friends in real life. I connect with people online, forums, xbox, reddit, etc. This way if something bad happens I can always disappear and start over. I can be as open as I want with strangers, most likely I'll never meet any of you anyway. I don't have to worry about judgment. People I meet in person always seem to want to hang out with me but I bail on them 99% of the time. I just build things up in my head and once I'm overwhelmed I back out. I'm mostly worried that I will be judged or that I will have an anxiety attack and they will think I'm a freak. Some people are very patient about it, other people think I'm just some huge jerk.

Right now, I take ativan. 0.5-1.0 mg a day. For me, it helps. I'm getting to a point where some days I don't take it at all. My doctor knows I'm not taking celexa anymore. I don't think he likes the idea of me only taking ativan but I keep him posted on my progress. I should really go back to therapy and address my issues with medications/foods/etc. as well as my issues with social situations. Not that I am old or anything but I look back at my high school days and wish I could be happy and "normal" again. I'm slowly coming to terms with the thought that I might never be "free" of anxiety disorders. I'm working on not letting them run my life, I know I can find a way to cope with it. I just need to find the strength and tools to do so. One of the most uplifting things I tell myself is that I can't be too crazy after all, if I was I probably wouldn't worry about it or even realize it.


TL;DR: Therapy has helped me the most. Medication is not for everyone, it does help me to an extent. I believe that if you choose to take medication for anxiety, you should try therapy as well. Sometimes just being able to vent to someone can relieve so much built up stress. There are tons of people out there who struggle with anxiety. You're not alone, its not all in your head. Sorry for the novel.

[Archimedes]

Cognitive Behavioral is really beneficial and one of the most widespread treatments for mental health issues. Basically, it consists of talking about the things you're feeling and how you're handling those feelings, with a licensed psychologist or therapist. The therapist you're assigned to after your intake evaluation will meet with you once a week (or whatever other time interval is recommended, I'm doing once a week right now, personally, but I know my therapist would gladly bump me up to twice a week if I felt like I was struggling, or once every two weeks if I felt better and wanted to try a longer interval.) Your therapist will listen to your thoughts about your emotions and impulses and discuss potential coping skills in lieu of destructive behaviors or habits. Your therapist's job is to help you help yourself. Through your sessions, the goal is to get you to a point at which you feel safe and comfortable talking about your problems and to guide you into a healthier way of life.

Common intake questions include: Sleep patterns, previous treatment (if any), anything that brings you to seeking treatment, whether you're more comfortable with a male or female therapist, among other things. Others have posted common questions as well.

[therunaway]

Again, I would like to thank everyone, and reading these stories of your lives, are very fascinating but for all the wrong reasons, and I feel like I'm slowly working up the courage to finally telling someone.