» Site Navigation
1 members and 2,568 guests
Most users ever online was 6,337, 01-24-2020 at 04:30 AM.
» Today's Birthdays
» Stats
Members: 75,078
Threads: 248,524
Posts: 2,568,615
Top Poster: JLC (31,651)
|
-
Checking Myself In?
I'm in the process of making the decision now, because if I don't do it now, then when?
I've struggled with depression and self-harm for 8 years, and with anxiety for a little over 3. I'm watching other people move on with productive lives all around me, while I stagnate. I lost the only thing that made living enjoyable, my fiancee. She wanted us both to learn who we are on our own, without being tangled in one another. And I'm realizing more and more that I hate this person I seem to be, even though I don't have much reason to.
I want to be able to love myself, but I see nothing worth loving. I'm a college dropout with two minimum-wage jobs just to pay my rent. I haven't eaten any real food in days, maybe weeks, surviving off of smoothies and rice. I go through the motions of each day, but my heart isn't really in it. Work can help to distract me for a little while, but I come home to the same apartment my fiancee and I built our life in, and her stuff is still everywhere.
So I think it's time for me to get away for awhile. To take some time to focus on me, and who and what I can become, once I learn to love myself. There's a psychiatric inpatient center in town. There's one directly tied to the hospital, and another that's made for longer-term care. I'd be gone for at least a week, maybe longer. No internet access, no cell phone, no work. Just focusing on getting better.
I don't know how I'd pay my rent if I took two weeks off work. I guess I can only hope that providence, and maybe my parents, would step in to help me. Because I need it, more than I could ever express aloud. I need to help me.
I need help.
Thank you for reading.
1.1 Ball Pythons
a) Calliope 0.1, Banana Ball, 2018/19 season, 600g
b) Geralt 1.0 Chocolate Sable Mojave pos. Trick ball, May 27th 2020
3.2 Cats (Fury, Leviathan, Walter, Chell, Amelie); 2.0 Dogs (Bjorn, Anubis); 2.1 Ferrets (Bran, Tormund, Arya); 0.1 Beardie (Nefertiti); 0.1 Slider Turtle (Species uncertain) (Papaya); 2.0 Hermit Crabs (Tamatoa, Sushi); 0.1 Conure (Mauii); Two Axolotyls (Quetzl and Unnamed); Two Tree Frogs (Pluto and Colossus); One Anole (Zeus); One Crestie (Noferatu); 3.0 Guinea Pigs (Paco, Poncho and Piccolo); 0.1 Pink Toe T (Azula)
Fish:
1.1 Oscar Cichlids (Rocky 1.0, hx2020, Red Fire, and Bubble 0.1, hx2019, Tiger), 1.1 Convict Cichlids (Hurley and Sloane), 0.1 Strawberry Peacock Cichlid (Comet), Two Plecos, Rubby the Rubbernose Pleco and Trinidad the common Pleco, 2.0 Upside Down Catfish (Poseidon, Neptune), One Red Parrot Cichlid (Firefly), 1.0 Betta Fish (Jenkins), 2.2 Cherry Barbs ("The Worst"), 1.0 Electric Blue Acara (Goldeneye)
-
-
Re: Checking Myself In?
You're making the right decision, and I applaud you for it. I don't doubt that it's a bit scary, but making the decision to seek help is brave. Take care of you.
BPs...
2.3 Normals, 1.1 Pastels, 0.1 Spider, 1.1 100% het albinos, 1.1 albinos, 1.0 Mojave, 1.1 het pieds, 1.0 lesser, 0.1 pinstripe, 0.1 YB
Other reptilian goodness...
0.1 black motley corn, 0.1 western hognose
Wait, you have how many snakes???
-
-
Checking Myself In?
Originally Posted by swansonbb
You're making the right decision, and I applaud you for it. I don't doubt that it's a bit scary, but making the decision to seek help is brave. Take care of you.
x2 Don't give up on yourself - every person is good and special in their own way. Take the time and don't slack on figuring yourself out. Once you realize your purpose, things will be so much brighter take care - you got this!!
Last edited by nimblykimbly; 02-01-2013 at 03:26 PM.
Kimbly
Pastel 'Cami' Mojave 'Tank'
Kingpin 'Cleo' KillerBee 'Buzz'
Pied 'Patches' Lesser 'Lieutenant Dan'
Mojave 'Lyla' Het Pied 'Norm'
2 Normals 'Audrey' and 'Girl' Fire 'Smokey'
Black Pastel '#3' Normal 'Slim Shady'
Butter
Sassy and Reilly, our furry girls
Gabrielle, Brynn, Samuel - our human kids
-
-
Re: Checking Myself In?
I know this has to be a very difficult decision for you to make. I once checked myself into a facility, but I was there for six months because I really needed to be there at the time. I totally understand what you are going through. I had attempted to end my life several times and also did the whole self-harm thing also. I got the help I needed and I am much better today then I was several years ago. I have bipolar and severe anxiety issues as well. You are a very brave person for realizing that you need help and I am very proud of you for doing this for yourself. If you ever need to talk, I am only a PM away.
-
-
Thank you for your support, everyone.
I'm just discovering that my parents are less in support than I wish they'd be... They want me to go to a facility closer to them. And while I understand that, I really want to choose where I go. It's important for me to do that, I think. And I have things in my life that are harder to just up and take back to Philadelphia with me (mostly my snake, since my mom hates him!). They'll want me to relocate there for awhile. And I don't want to be "the college dropout living in her parents' basement" any more than I want to be anything else.
1.1 Ball Pythons
a) Calliope 0.1, Banana Ball, 2018/19 season, 600g
b) Geralt 1.0 Chocolate Sable Mojave pos. Trick ball, May 27th 2020
3.2 Cats (Fury, Leviathan, Walter, Chell, Amelie); 2.0 Dogs (Bjorn, Anubis); 2.1 Ferrets (Bran, Tormund, Arya); 0.1 Beardie (Nefertiti); 0.1 Slider Turtle (Species uncertain) (Papaya); 2.0 Hermit Crabs (Tamatoa, Sushi); 0.1 Conure (Mauii); Two Axolotyls (Quetzl and Unnamed); Two Tree Frogs (Pluto and Colossus); One Anole (Zeus); One Crestie (Noferatu); 3.0 Guinea Pigs (Paco, Poncho and Piccolo); 0.1 Pink Toe T (Azula)
Fish:
1.1 Oscar Cichlids (Rocky 1.0, hx2020, Red Fire, and Bubble 0.1, hx2019, Tiger), 1.1 Convict Cichlids (Hurley and Sloane), 0.1 Strawberry Peacock Cichlid (Comet), Two Plecos, Rubby the Rubbernose Pleco and Trinidad the common Pleco, 2.0 Upside Down Catfish (Poseidon, Neptune), One Red Parrot Cichlid (Firefly), 1.0 Betta Fish (Jenkins), 2.2 Cherry Barbs ("The Worst"), 1.0 Electric Blue Acara (Goldeneye)
-
-
Re: Checking Myself In?
It might be better for support if you are closer to your family. Might also be easier as far as worrying about paying rent. I would consider it if I were you. I wish you well.
Sent from my ADR6350 using Tapatalk 2
If nothing ever changed, there would be no butterflies.
-
-
I'm signed in to my lease anyway though. No matter where I'm at, and for how long, the rental office requires my money. Unless I find a subletter, which I'm rather reluctant to do because I don't plan to be gone for more than a few weeks.
1.1 Ball Pythons
a) Calliope 0.1, Banana Ball, 2018/19 season, 600g
b) Geralt 1.0 Chocolate Sable Mojave pos. Trick ball, May 27th 2020
3.2 Cats (Fury, Leviathan, Walter, Chell, Amelie); 2.0 Dogs (Bjorn, Anubis); 2.1 Ferrets (Bran, Tormund, Arya); 0.1 Beardie (Nefertiti); 0.1 Slider Turtle (Species uncertain) (Papaya); 2.0 Hermit Crabs (Tamatoa, Sushi); 0.1 Conure (Mauii); Two Axolotyls (Quetzl and Unnamed); Two Tree Frogs (Pluto and Colossus); One Anole (Zeus); One Crestie (Noferatu); 3.0 Guinea Pigs (Paco, Poncho and Piccolo); 0.1 Pink Toe T (Azula)
Fish:
1.1 Oscar Cichlids (Rocky 1.0, hx2020, Red Fire, and Bubble 0.1, hx2019, Tiger), 1.1 Convict Cichlids (Hurley and Sloane), 0.1 Strawberry Peacock Cichlid (Comet), Two Plecos, Rubby the Rubbernose Pleco and Trinidad the common Pleco, 2.0 Upside Down Catfish (Poseidon, Neptune), One Red Parrot Cichlid (Firefly), 1.0 Betta Fish (Jenkins), 2.2 Cherry Barbs ("The Worst"), 1.0 Electric Blue Acara (Goldeneye)
-
-
Re: Checking Myself In?
Try to focus on what's important: getting help. Everything else is a distant second.
BPs...
2.3 Normals, 1.1 Pastels, 0.1 Spider, 1.1 100% het albinos, 1.1 albinos, 1.0 Mojave, 1.1 het pieds, 1.0 lesser, 0.1 pinstripe, 0.1 YB
Other reptilian goodness...
0.1 black motley corn, 0.1 western hognose
Wait, you have how many snakes???
-
-
If checking into the place nearby feels more right to you, then do it. You can always decide to move closer to your parents later on. You have options.
Until you learn that YOU are a good and worthy person, you can't really love anything or anyone else fully. I wish you all the best in your search and look forward to seeing you online again in the future, feeling better.
Theresa Baker
No Legs and More
Florida, USA
"Stop being a wimpy monkey,; bare some teeth, steal some food and fling poo with the alphas. "
-
-
Update.
I'm out of the hospital, folks-- thanks for your encouragement, it really did help. BPNet is such a supportive group, I'm so glad to be here.
I've done a lot of work on myself, and I feel a lot better-- not perfect, but better. I'm still attending multiple intensive outpatient programs, so the work continues.
1.1 Ball Pythons
a) Calliope 0.1, Banana Ball, 2018/19 season, 600g
b) Geralt 1.0 Chocolate Sable Mojave pos. Trick ball, May 27th 2020
3.2 Cats (Fury, Leviathan, Walter, Chell, Amelie); 2.0 Dogs (Bjorn, Anubis); 2.1 Ferrets (Bran, Tormund, Arya); 0.1 Beardie (Nefertiti); 0.1 Slider Turtle (Species uncertain) (Papaya); 2.0 Hermit Crabs (Tamatoa, Sushi); 0.1 Conure (Mauii); Two Axolotyls (Quetzl and Unnamed); Two Tree Frogs (Pluto and Colossus); One Anole (Zeus); One Crestie (Noferatu); 3.0 Guinea Pigs (Paco, Poncho and Piccolo); 0.1 Pink Toe T (Azula)
Fish:
1.1 Oscar Cichlids (Rocky 1.0, hx2020, Red Fire, and Bubble 0.1, hx2019, Tiger), 1.1 Convict Cichlids (Hurley and Sloane), 0.1 Strawberry Peacock Cichlid (Comet), Two Plecos, Rubby the Rubbernose Pleco and Trinidad the common Pleco, 2.0 Upside Down Catfish (Poseidon, Neptune), One Red Parrot Cichlid (Firefly), 1.0 Betta Fish (Jenkins), 2.2 Cherry Barbs ("The Worst"), 1.0 Electric Blue Acara (Goldeneye)
-
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Archimedes For This Useful Post:
Posting Permissions
- You may not post new threads
- You may not post replies
- You may not post attachments
- You may not edit your posts
-
Forum Rules
|