Twas The Night Before Christmas...

[Jeanne]

Ok, guys and gals, hope nobody is affended by this... I got kinda bored... but I tried to make it as sensored as possible without ruining it...


Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not many creatures were stiring- just a beagle, a bird, a python and a mouse. Our tree was decorated by the kids with great care, in hopes that St. Nick would soon be there. The children were nestled all snug in thier beds; one dreamt of vibrators the other of pud wacking instead, visions of these things just danced in their heads. I in my birthday suit, my hubby in his, had just settled down for a long winters nap.... when out in our yard arose such a clatter- our beagle bayed while I sprung out of bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like one does on speed- tore open the blinds and peered out the window- for sure it would have been my pants I might have peed. The street light on the breast of the new-fallen snow, gave a lustre of mid-day to the objects below. When what to my tired eyes should appear, a big red ford truck packed with many cases of beer, with a little ol' driver so drunk but quick- I knew in a moment it MUST be St. Nick. More rapid than beagles his courser it came, and he whistled and shouted and called it by name: "Now you old fowl red b****, you m***** f*****" he shouted, "dont you give me any s***, move like a comet or its in the junk yard you'll sit, to the top of the porch, to the top of the wall- now dash away dash away and this time lets not fall!" All creaky and riddled with holes, an oil leak too, to the top of the house his courser flew with a bed full of beer and things I could only imagine, and old St. Nick. And then in a hill billy minute, I heard on the roof the thumping and thudding of 4 flat tires. As I drew back my head and was turning around- down the chimney St. Nick flew with a thud and a few muttered curses which I could have never made out. He was dressed in deer coveralls from his neck to his foot, on his head he wore a John Deer cap, his clothes all tarnished with holes and s***, a burlap sack he held on his back! He looked like a peddler just opening his sack- his eyes were blood shot- his breath was stale and fowl- his cheeks were chapped, his nose was runny. His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, and the beard on his chin was covered in snow. The stump of his pipe he held tight in his teeth and the smoke that circled was quite skunky I think. He had a broad face and a big round belly- how ironic, it was nothing like a bowl full of jelly. He was chubby and high, a right jolly old elf..and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself. A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread. He spoke not a word, but went straight to work, and filled all our stockings; then turned with a smirk, he layed his finger just inside his nose and giving a nod- up our chimney he rose. He sprang to his ford, to it he gave a whistle and away he flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a Bud night!"

:wink: :lol:

[emroul]

That was pretty good, lol. Thanks for sharing.

Jennifer

[CTReptileRescue]

funny funny funny!!
Rusty

[Ironhead]

Hmmmmmm............... :mrgreen:

Very Interesting I must say, but good!

[steelsack]

LMAO

[BallKingdom]

lol

[Hoomi]

Sounds like they need this playing in the background...

http://www.twistedtunes.com/player/l...asp?SongID=477

Scroll down on this page and select your download speed if you care to hear the audio that goes with it.

http://www.twistedradio.com/show/twi...mp;Page=4&