Best "Old People" Sayings

[Foschi Exotic Serpents]

My grandma was from the south and had a foul mouth in her younger years so my mom inherited it. I'd laugh at the things she would say when I was growing up but laughing would sometimes get me in trouble..

"That's a crock of sh__ (poo) if I ever heard one"

"You're gonna be up sh__ (poo) creek without a paddle"

"I'm gonna knock you from here to Timbuktu"

"Don't let your mouth overload your butt (not the polite version)" lol

"He's about as ornery as a pet coon"

Lol yep, my mom said these things. She was a little nuts.

My dad and all his family were 100% Italian so there really weren't any old sayings (not in English anyway) but i got a kick out the way they talk anyway.

[jschwe]

My poppa used to always say "Holy bald-headed moses!" (at the top of his lungs) and, as a threat, "I'll knock your ears into orbit"

[sirchaosofgb]

Here's one my grandma always says.."God willin and the creek don't rise"!
A very sweet old lady would say this when she really got mad..."Sh** Fire Pi$$ Coal and Save the matches!" and another my grandma used to say was if the ditches were full of water its going to snow...ummm well sometimes that's true and sometimes its not! LOL

[ChrisS]

"I'm gonna beat you with a wet noodle"
"you can't beat kids like you used to"
"when I was your age..."
"if had spoke to my mother like that I would of been slapped into next week"
I'm sure I'll think of more

[tonkatoyman]

As an old Geezer myself lets see what I can come up with...
He's weak as pond water.
Slap you nekid (not naked) and hide your clothes
Dumb as dirt.
Sharp as a tack
Dead as a door nail
Shes looking at me "Like a mule staring at a brand new gate"
Happy as a pig in slop
May think of more later... but enjoy

[bubblz]

When ever my mom saw us talking to guys when I was younger especially when she thought we were doing something we shouldn't be doing. She always said;

"You or Y'all bout hot as K9 pepper".

We asked what it meant a couple times and if she was sure, it's not suppose to be Cayenne instead of K9 lol as far as she was concerned it was K9. Till this day we still don't know what she meant, a dog in heat maybe but where does the pepper come from. No matter what the situation was we always got a kick out of it lol.

Of course the infamous "I brought you into this world and I'll take you out" and she tried quite a few times.

"I don't mess with old men,.. they give you worms" from my moms best friend who would be called a Cougar these days.

"Pit dat deh right deh ova deh"

Oh,.. my gran daddy frustrated me so with that one. Because he never named the item and some times he didn't even point to it. I just knew there was something I had to move,.. but what and where to put it.

When something was high or too high for them;

"that's higher than a giraffes coochie"

In memory of them and that quote some times my sister says things like;

"My pockets are tighter than a ants coochie"

There's so many.

"You ain't got nothing to be crying for, so shut up before I give you a reason to cry"

"You couldn't bust a grape"

When questioning some ones sexuality, man that looks like a woman or woman that looks like a man.
Me: "Daddy is that a man or a woman?"
My Daddy: "Mmm hmm yes it is"

"Don't make me or You won't me to yolk you".

Some of these I still use

[KatStoverReptiles]

My grandmother on my dad's side:

"I'm gonna kill you and tell God you died."

"It's raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock."

My mom, after a good meal, will sometimes say, "Good stuff, Maynerd." To this day, I still have no idea who Maynerd is.

My grandpa on my mom's side, upon seeing a particularly "rough" looking man (tattoos, piercings, etc), would say, "Aiiiiinnn'ttt he puuuuurrrrdy!"

[SquamishSerpents]

My friends mom once told me if we didn't leave she'd "beat us with a sack of wet mice"

Thought you guys would like that one!

[TomC]

My grandpa used a lot of those already mentioned and one I have not seen yet.

"that's slicker than chicken (poop) on a river rock."

[HighVoltageRoyals]

"Get your wheeled goods off my god-danged porch!!" is a pretty famous one that my gramps uses.

Also, for some reason, I've noticed that old people are in love with Bill Cosby and think he is a pool of amazing facts and knowledge. For examples, my grandpa got jello pudding for me once at a buffet and I was like "I don't like pudding gramps" and he was like" well, Bill Cosby likes it so EAT IT." Needless to say, I did. That Bill Cosby....he knows things.