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  1. #1
    BPnet Veteran shelliebear's Avatar
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    My heart is broken...

    It hurts so bad to say this, because it makes it real....
    My dog Sequoia, 9 years old, likely has cancer.
    She had a fatty tumor removed a few months ago and developed a different type on her hip, a hard, big lump that is very painful, unlike the other tumor.
    They did surgery to remove some of the tumor for lab tests; now her back leg is in a huge bulky cast and she is no longer the same. She hasn't been for a while. She looks depressed, and cannot walk on her leg, so she's been limited to 3 for months.
    I'm heartbroken. She's in a lot of pain, and I think soon we might need to make some decisions. Surgery would be over 1000$ dollars and even after that, her leg might have to be amputated, and her quality of life will likely be poor.
    So I think this is one of those times in life where we have to assume we know her well enough to try to decide what she'd want. She loves my mother so dearly, they are kindred spirits; would she want to be put down so the pain would end, or would she want to fight through it and stay with my mom as long as possible?
    We have to decide, and it is so hard when she cannot speak, when she cannot tell us how she feels. Selfishly, we have to try and make educated guesses, but we can never be sure; what if we make the wrong choice? What if we let her live through the pain, and she always wishes she had been let go? What if we do let her go, and she resents us and someday I see her again and she tells us we did the wrong thing?
    What do you do? How do you do it? And regardless of what you do, how do you heal from it? Where do you go?
    How?
    I wrote a kind of letter to her on Facebook....I'll post it here...
    Please, I need advice; I need help; I need...I don't know what I need.
    I think this is why I need to be a veterinarian. I owe it to animals, I think, because I love and care for them and I know they have a voice, unlike other people who refuse to believe it; I think I owe it to the animals to be their voice since they cannot speak it, and this is my duty to the world, to people and animals. I need to help.
    I'll do it for Sequoia...if nothing else...I can hear her talking, but I cannot understand...how do we understand?
    I have to learn. I have to go to school and learn.
    I owe it to her and every other animal.
    Dear sweet Sequoia o' mine,
    I'm sorry that I can't fix you, and I'm sorry I never told you I love you as much as I feel it.
    I'm sorry that I cannot understand what you say, and I'm sorry life is unfairest to you, of all the people in the world.
    You are our protector, our pet and more; my mom's kindred spirit, and one of my best, best friends.
    You always know just when to give a hug; you always come and check on everyone to make sure we are ok.
    I'm sorry...I think we'll have to say goodbye soon, and it breaks my heart as much as I can see it breaks yours.
    I love you my little puppy, and you were never just a pet but a family member.
    Someday you'll go, and someday we'll go too.
    With love,
    Your sister in the wrong body
    "We never really own animals, we only rent them for a time. We cannot hope to live with them for too long, but only be grateful for the time the lease lasts."
    2.3 normal ball pythons
    .1 ultramel motley het caramel corn snake
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    1. fiance I had to rehome my kitty, and my dog got cancer and we put her down. RIP.(Did I forget anything??)

  2. #2
    BPnet Veteran shelliebear's Avatar
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    Here's a photo of her from just after she got home from her surgery yesterday.
    She's beautiful.
    Last edited by shelliebear; 01-04-2012 at 11:05 AM.
    2.3 normal ball pythons
    .1 ultramel motley het caramel corn snake
    1. butter motley het caramel+stripe corn snake
    1. fiance I had to rehome my kitty, and my dog got cancer and we put her down. RIP.(Did I forget anything??)

  3. #3
    BPnet Royalty ballpythonluvr's Avatar
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    Re: My heart is broken...

    I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I totally know what you are going through though. I had to have my male orange tabby cat put down almost two years ago. We could have had surgery done on him and the amount of money that it would have cost was just phenomenal, and there was no guarantee that he would have survived the surgery. We made the decision to have him put down. Was it hard, yes it was. Do I regret it, no. I know I did the best thing for my cat. He is no longer suffering and is resting in peace. I think that if you decide to get the poor dog put to sleep that you are helping her in ways that she cannot tell you. Allow her to be at peace Shellie. I truly am sorry.

  4. #4
    BPnet Royalty ballpythonluvr's Avatar
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    Re: My heart is broken...

    Quote Originally Posted by shelliebear View Post
    Here's a photo of her from just after she got home from her surgery yesterday.
    She's beautiful.
    You are correct. She is absolutely beautiful.

  5. #5
    BPnet Veteran shelliebear's Avatar
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    But what if she doesn't go somewhere peaceful? How do I know where she's going??? I wish I could die before her to make sure she's going somewhere good--and I hate when people go places I can't follow! I hate not knowing! I hate all of this! I hate it! Why do we outlive our pets? Why??
    2.3 normal ball pythons
    .1 ultramel motley het caramel corn snake
    1. butter motley het caramel+stripe corn snake
    1. fiance I had to rehome my kitty, and my dog got cancer and we put her down. RIP.(Did I forget anything??)

  6. #6
    BPnet Veteran shelliebear's Avatar
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    It hurts so freaking bad!
    2.3 normal ball pythons
    .1 ultramel motley het caramel corn snake
    1. butter motley het caramel+stripe corn snake
    1. fiance I had to rehome my kitty, and my dog got cancer and we put her down. RIP.(Did I forget anything??)

  7. #7
    BPnet Royalty ballpythonluvr's Avatar
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    Re: My heart is broken...

    Quote Originally Posted by shelliebear View Post
    But what if she doesn't go somewhere peaceful? How do I know where she's going??? I wish I could die before her to make sure she's going somewhere good--and I hate when people go places I can't follow! I hate not knowing! I hate all of this! I hate it! Why do we outlive our pets? Why??
    Hon, you just have to know that she will be at peace. Her suffering right now is not what you want. You just have to believe and know that she loves you very much. Have you ever looked into her eyes and seen the way that she looks at you? I am sure she has much love and adoration for you Shellie. I hate it too that I don't know where my cat is right now but at least I know he is not here with me being sick everyday of his life. This brings me comfort.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to ballpythonluvr For This Useful Post:

    JPerkins (11-13-2012)

  9. #8
    BPnet Royalty ballpythonluvr's Avatar
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    Re: My heart is broken...

    Quote Originally Posted by shelliebear View Post
    It hurts so freaking bad!
    I know it does Shellie and I'm not going to sit here and tell you that it does not. However, watching that beautiful creature suffer has got to be just awful too.

  10. #9
    BPnet Senior Member L.West's Avatar
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    Re: My heart is broken...

    Hi Shellie,

    I too have recently had to go thru this same nightmare - my 10 year boxer got cancer and after two very expensive surgeries - the darn cancer kept coming back so we too had to make a decision.

    I realized that we were keeping her alive for "us" not her. In the end, we took her to be euthanized. It was the hardest thing to do - this dog was my life - just like a child to me - I was devastated and its now been almost 8 months and just thinking about her will bring tears to my eyes.

    I do take comfort in knowing that she is in peace now - no more pain, surgeries, medications, etc...she can rest in peace. I was with her til her last breath and I can honestly say - if you trust your vet - the euthanasia procedure is very peaceful and painless.

    Be strong for your dog and do what you think is needed. Best of luck to you while you go thru this hard time.
    L. West
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    JPerkins (11-13-2012)

  12. #10
    BPnet Veteran shelliebear's Avatar
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    Thank you....i want to say more but i think i could throw up....thank you so much for your words. you are both right, wherever she goes has to be better than hurting here. i just dont want her to go. it's not fair. and i'm so sorry above anything that you understand how i feel. i wish nobody knew how i feel. it fels terrible. i am so, sorry for you too...but thank you for your kindness. i appreciate it so much. i cant even explain. i hope you understand.
    Last edited by shelliebear; 01-04-2012 at 11:27 AM.
    2.3 normal ball pythons
    .1 ultramel motley het caramel corn snake
    1. butter motley het caramel+stripe corn snake
    1. fiance I had to rehome my kitty, and my dog got cancer and we put her down. RIP.(Did I forget anything??)

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