8-6-11

[wilomn]

Well, been out of the joint, er hospital, for a month now. The Doc says I'm in remission and that all my blood counts are in the normal range. I'll get CAT and PET scans in the next 3 weeks but he says he expects them to be negative but that they're needed for a baseline. Good new all around.

Of course, my body doesn't know it's all better yet. I've developed something of an intolerance for dairy products of late and this saddens me. I REALLY like Frosted Flakes and ice cream. I'm hopeful it's temporary, doc says it should be.

Energy wise I seem to be getting more as time goes on, but there are days that I seem to have none. Lots of naps, many in the 3 hour range followed by 1 to 2 hour shorties. I'm hopeful it's just my body recuperating, which it seems to be.

The numbness in my finger tips is less but still present, I am just starting to grow a bit of hair and I have almost no ability to generate my own body heat. I used to be the guy in shorts, barefoot and a tee shirt in 50 degree weather. Not anymore. That is something I miss. It's no fun carrying a flannel shirt to the theater in the middle of Summer or having to wear a hat to keep the breeze from cooling my bright and shiny dome.

As with many who have had chemo, or so I have heard, my stomach is simply not what it used to be. Spicy food sometimes is not my friend when pre-chemo we were bosom buddies. The Frosted Flakes and ice cream I've already lamented but I do miss them. I used to enjoy Coke too, but have quit. No caffeine at all now. Sprite, 7 UP and Rootbeer still seem to be ok.

Luckily I am only on 2 meds. One to keep me from getting shingles which is nasty and loves post chemo folks and the other is to prevent fungal infections. The fungal one is sulfa based and used to wreak havoc on my stomach but that has eased with time and hopefully will continue to do so in the future.

I'm walking around a little green man made lake a few times a week. It's about a mile. When I started it took me about 40 minutes to make the circuit; little old ladies were passing me by. Now it takes about 25 minutes but I work up a decent sweat. I'll add another lap soon.

There's a lot of mental that goes along with the physical too. In the back of my mind is the ever present fact that sometime in the next 2 years to whenever my cancer will come back. That puts a pall on much. I don't dwell on it or worry about it, but it's there.

Trying to plan a future is .... interesting. How long IS the future? For all intents and purposes it's forever and that's how I look at, or ignore, mine. Except for that little voice that says maybe not....

That isn't to say I'm sad or depressed. I'm not. Heck, I'd say I'm pretty much happy with what I've got. Had I done nothing I'd in theory be dead in a little more than a year. So not missing what I don't know I'd have had anyway isn't that hard. Being me makes it easier.

I put off posting an update so long because I was supposed to have had the scans a week or so ago but the doc decided to wait a bit and I was hoping to have more concrete info to put here. Pretty much though no news is good news. I'll probably be posting up some of my musing and thoughts about what life may mean or be or have in store for me in the near future. I've been giving a lot of thought to things of that nature but haven't laced them into anything coherent yet. It's just... not hard, not weird, it's like walking on snow over ice over water not knowing how deep or thick any of it is. Will I sink through the snow or is it packed enough to support my weight? Will it be ankle deep if I do or will I wind up in freezing water with no bottom? Will the ice crack and warn me or will a hole just open and swallow me? I can't not go forward and I can't stay where I am. Going back isn't an option at all. I suppose that it's good I am not opposed to adventure even when I am not particularly enthused by it.

The support of friends and family helps too, so thanks.

[ballpythonluvr]

Wes,
I am so glad that you are doing better. I just love reading your writings. You have such a way with words. You are a very strong man. I don't think I could be this positive in a situation like yours. I have nothing but mad respect for you. I have learned a lot from you and for that I am very thankful. You are a true inspiration to many.

[llovelace]

Remission!!! This is beyond great news Wes, on a side note, I thought I was the only one who ate the frosted flakes w/ icecream

[wolfy-hound]

So glad to hear a good update. Will be thinking good thoughts of you continueing to improve. You sound like you're relearning how to live your life now.

Best wishes for continued enjoyment of each day.

[rabernet]

Wes, I couldn't be happier for you! What wonderful news!!!

[DemmBalls]

Glad to hear the possitive update and I wish you nothing but the best!

[RyanT]

Sorry to hear that, Wes. Such a horrible disease. I just found out that my 27-year old cousin has it in her ovaries and lymph nodes. I'm sure it has to have been mentioned to you already, but on the issue of your stomach problems now, being that you're in California, have you gotten your 215 card? "Alternative" medicine is a wonderful option that's there for you to consider for yourself. Quality of life is what it's all about. I love Frosted Flakes too!

[Golden Gate Geckos]

I have never known you to be as vulnerable and candid as you have been through this personal documented journey, Wes. Thank you for sharing this with us. I have even more respect, admiration, and love for you than ever before. I just KNOW you will be OK. I just know it...

[Laura Fopiano]

Wes, your perseverance is aw inspiring and I am honored to call you my friend. I've been a bit lacking in my phone calls to you, I will try to remedy that. As Marcia said, thank you for sharing the triumphs and pit falls if your life with us, I am richer for it.