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  1. #1
    BPnet Lifer ballpythonluvr's Avatar
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    Moving on from past mistakes

    I have been taking a break from the forum. I am struggling with some decisions that I made when I was in my early 20's. I am now almost 38 years old and those decisions still haunt me. I would really love to be able to share what I did but I have to admit that I am afraid of severe judgement and harsh words from others. Let's just say that those decisions are turning into a life changing experience for me. I am leaning not on my own understanding but rather on that of a different plane here. I don't want to push the religious aspect of this but I do believe in God and I feel that without this I would be rather lost. Maybe in time I will be able to share with all of you what it is exactly I am struggling with. I am seeking counseling for this also because I really need someone to reach out and talk to. There have been feelings of great shame and despair. I am currently going through the phase of being angry at myself. I have questioned my own judgement and thought process. I just do not know what I was thinking at the foolish ages of 21 and 23. I hope to be able to forgive myself and find some sort of healing. It really is hard for me to sit here and type this even though I am not exactly spilling my guts. For anyone that reads this, I hope that you are at a point in your life where you have forgiven yourself and have found the courage to move on from whatever it is that may have been holding you back. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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  2. #2
    BPnet Senior Member dragonboy4578's Avatar
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    We all have things in our pasts that we wish we could change, at least I do. I have done many things that I am not proud of in any way, but I realize that I am not the same person I was when I did my misdeeds. While I am not proud of my mistakes and decisions they have made me who I am. Good luck in overcoming your regrets, but please remember that they have made you who you are.....
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  4. #3
    No One of Consequence wilomn's Avatar
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    Words are so interesting. They can often mean more than one thing, making me think they must all be female. They're versatile and powerful; used properly they can be weapons for good or not good.

    Perhaps you're spending too much time on forgiving yourself. Do you really NEED forgivness or are you OK with owning your past, not repeating it, and making a better future?

    If you need to even up the score for what you did, whatever that was, you can. If you just need to come to a place in your mind where you can look at those misdeeds without cringing or feeling terrible, then you're almost home.

    We all have a little voice inside us that tells us right from wrong, good from bad, whether or not the scales that weigh our lives on a day to day basis are balanced. You're out of balance. Add ballast. You can't change the past, that I know of, but you can make the future. Make your future better than what was your future when you were in your early twenties.

    Balance your own personal scale. I'm guessing you know what to do but are in difficulties and actually implementing. Cool. You're not alone. Many many people KNOW what they need to do, need to do to be good people, caring people, nice people; yet they do not take those actions. Old bad is better than new good. Old familiar is easier to deal with, even it's a daily crapamatic, than is striking out on your own to make your past less important than your now and future.

    Don't know your problem but have no doubts that the solutions to your situation are floating about that brain bucket of yours waiting for someone to let them out.

    I suspect you CAN do this, but are fearful of possible repercussions as well as the fantastically difficult job of taking out those painful memories and seeing them for what they really are. Mistakes of a kid.

    You and the person you were probably have little in common. Remember that. It's really important. Lance those boils, pop those pustules, smooth those rough edges and get on with being what and who you want to be. Easy? Nope. Worth it? Yup. Hard? As hell and then some. As has been said, fake it til you make it if that's the only option available to you. I suspect you can.
    Last edited by wilomn; 06-14-2011 at 05:31 PM.
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  6. #4
    BPnet Lifer ballpythonluvr's Avatar
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    Re: Moving on from past mistakes

    Quote Originally Posted by wilomn View Post
    Words are so interesting. They can often mean more than one thing, making me think they must all be female. They're versatile and powerful; used properly they can be weapons for good or not good.

    Perhaps you're spending too much time on forgiving yourself. Do you really NEED forgivness or are you OK with owning your past, not repeating it, and making a better future?

    If you need to even up the score for what you did, whatever that was, you can. If you just need to come to a place in your mind where you can look at those misdeeds without cringing or feeling terrible, then you're almost home.

    We all have a little voice inside us that tells us right from wrong, good from bad, whether or not the scales that weigh our lives on a day to day basis are balanced. You're out of balance. Add ballast. You can't change the past, that I know of, but you can make the future. Make your future better than what was your future when you were in your early twenties.

    Balance your own personal scale. I'm guessing you know what to do but are in difficulties and actually implementing. Cool. You're not alone. Many many people KNOW what they need to do, need to do to be good people, caring people, nice people; yet they do not take those actions. Old bad is better than new good. Old familiar is easier to deal with, even it's a daily crapamatic, than is striking out on your own to make your past less important than your now and future.

    Don't know your problem but have no doubts that the solutions to your situation are floating about that brain bucket of yours waiting for someone to let them out.

    I suspect you CAN do this, but are fearful of possible repercussions as well as the fantastically difficult job of taking out those painful memories and seeing them for what they really are. Mistakes of a kid.

    You and the person you were probably have little in common. Remember that. It's really important. Lance those boils, pop those pustules, smooth those rough edges and get on with being what and who you want to be. Easy? Nope. Worth it? Yup. Hard? As hell and then some. As has been said, fake it til you make it if that's the only option available to you. I suspect you can.
    Wes,
    Thank you so much for the insight. I have a lot of respect for you. You are very blunt and straight to the point, you do not sugar coat things. I really appreciate you taking the time to read this and comment on it. I really was hoping that you would offer your words of wisdom.
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  7. #5
    BPnet Senior Member kitedemon's Avatar
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    The past is a slippery beast, our memory distort and colour it and it lives in our minds and grows and enlarges and things that were bad become worse over time.

    The past is past, it is beyond our ability to change it colours everything thing we do today and from this point forward. Sooner or later you will have to let it go. You cannot change it and cannot undo it so leave it alone. The path forward matters more, whatever your demon it haunts your words we all have them and no one can belittle or take it way I respect your beast.

    Move forward what ever this event that created yours take away its power, go out of your way to help others do what you can to dampen the waves of your first stone. Do as much good for people not just your friends but people in general as the harm of your past find balance, find peace.

    best wishes Alex

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  9. #6
    Registered User Strick's Avatar
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    Not much on words but you already have some good advice above. I myself had issues I had to deal with from the past. Sounds like you are working on yours the right way and atleast you are dealing with them and not brushing them to the side which never works imo. I see you believe. Check out the serenity prayer if you have not found it already. Saves my butt everyday...The old saying "Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery..." rings true in my book to.
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  11. #7
    BPnet Lifer Skittles1101's Avatar
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    I wish you luck with coping, everyone has a past. You can't move forward if you keep looking behind you.
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  13. #8
    BPnet Veteran mpkeelee's Avatar
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    im only 25 and have done things im not proud of and they are constantly in the back of my mind. the things you do when your young, whether good or bad, teaches you lessons and from those lessons you decide what kind of person you will become. it sounds like you have made those mistakes that everyone does and you are a better person for it.
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  15. #9
    BPnet Lifer ballpythonluvr's Avatar
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    Re: Moving on from past mistakes

    I just wanted to thank all of you that read this and responded. I have respect for each and every one of you and your words really mean a lot to me.
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  16. #10
    No One of Consequence wilomn's Avatar
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    Re: Moving on from past mistakes

    Quote Originally Posted by ballpythonluvr View Post
    I just wanted to thank all of you that read this and responded. I have respect for each and every one of you and your words really mean a lot to me.
    This is good.

    Now, go be a good happy person. If you don't I WILL be disappointed.

    You DON'T want to disappoint ME, do you?

    You can do this. WWD. What would Wilomn do? Of course a good dose of common sense is also necessary. I think you'll be ok, that you can do this. It's not a cake walk but it's not impossible.

    Good luck.
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