So I have depression that has very odd triggers. I can deal with death no problem. My friends describe my way of dealing with family members dieing as cold because I dont show any outward emotion such as crying or anything like that. I write about my feelings and thats the way in deal with those feelings and that is what actually helps me. My depression is caused from being alone. It seems that no matter how many people are around me I still feel alone and cant find a way to fill that gap. There is no dating scene around here and if by chance i am interested in someone she is either not interested in me at all or ends up being interested in me til she meets some other guy and ends up with him. It has got to the point where i have given up on finding anyone at all bc if i was to find someone something would happen. Ive been single for a year and a half now and in that time i have met 3 ppl ive been interested in and one was a great friend and in her words she didnt want to risk the friendship, one just wasnt attracted to me, and one led me on for 2 months and is now dating my roommate..... i dont know where i go wrong... i care, im honest, im open about anything and everything, i give space so im not smothering or anything like that, i am willing to give whoever im with all of me, i work, i dont do drugs been clean for 11 years, i dont drink... and no matter how i try to be happy with my life as is i cant be.... i dont feel like im a whole person anymore bc of the constant reminders of me being single... in my house i live with 2 couples so that just drives me further down every day... some days are better than others but every night i get the same reminder i always get which me goin to bed alone and everyone else goin to bed with someone. i just dont know how to handle this depression and lately its been gettin worse, to the point i sleep at most 4 hours a night and wake up to the same dreams of me diein alone... and that is my biggest fear.... well i cant think of anything else to say and sorry for the rambling just kinda typed as it came out of my head.