Bully Avoidance

[wilomn]

The best way to resist bullying is by not being a target.

What makes a target for a bully? Those who are different from the norm are often the targets of bullies. Too short, too fat, too smart, not smart enough, colour, posture, gait, pimples, eye contact or lack thereof, almost anything that sets one person apart from a group can also make one a target of bullies.

There is nothing to be done about some of the target criteria, one cannot control one's height or natural colour, but much can be done to avoid bullying.

Growing a thick skin is one of the best things you can do to avoid bullies. Verbal taunting is their most often used tactic to get a rise out of the intended target. If you can, simply ignore them. If you cannot ignore them entirely, remain calm, do not get angry, do not yell, do not raise your voice. That will only lead to further bullying. The less reaction a bully gets out of you, the less motivation for the bully to pick on you.

Dressing differently will make one a target. If you must wear that imitation WWII helmet to school, you must expect to be bullied. If your Uncle Clarence's winter coat, the one he wore back in 1979 when he weighed four hundred eighty-seven pounds and thought plaid was cool, is the only jacket you at ninety-two pounds dripping wet, wear to school, chances are you will be bullied.

Changing the way you dress can transform you from a bullseye carrying nerd to one of the multitudes of the unnoticed. If you fit in you are far less likely to be a target. Once you are no longer a target, you won't be bullied. The price, of course, is anonymity. You are also far less likely to stand out if you look and act like everyone else.

The way you walk can also make you stand out to bullies. If you shuffle or carry a load of books so heavy that it makes you list to one side, change your gait, carry fewer books or get a bookbag that allows you to carry them comfortably. Stand up straight and walk with your eyes looking forward. Do not slouch; do not look at the ground as you walk.

Walk like you belong wherever you are and that you will be welcome wherever you are going. Look at your destination, head up and eyes open. Even if you don't believe it, walk it, you have every right to be there. Bullies are not always smart, you can generally fool them.

Watching your feet is a dead giveaway that you don't want to be seen, which will most assuredly result in your bully noticing you. Do not watch your feet when you walk.

Eye contact with a bully is an offer of engagement if you look too long. A quick glance as you pass is best if any eye contact must be made. Do not obviously avoid looking at a bully either; this will merely make you a target

Be confident. Those two words are most important. If you think you'll be bullied, you will be bullied.

If none of the above are options open to you, learn where the bullies are and avoid those places.

[Keyboard Warrior]

Very good post, and its something I tell people all the time, that have been mugged, or been victims of violence. It's all about how others perceive you. A criminal/mugger/rapist wants to deal with someone that won't put up a fight. If you have your hands in your pockets, earphones on, head down, slouched over, your cut off from the world, and you are perceived to be weak, and won't likely put up a fight.

Stand up straight, eyes straight ahead. Hands out of pockets, and no headphones. Do that, and your chances of becoming a victim of violence are drastically reduced.

And if it comes down to a fight, I'm a fan of conflict de-escalation. If someone wants to fight you, its for good reason. It's because they believe they have the upper hand in some way. Whether its having friends with them, or because they have a hidden weapon, or they just have more fighting experience. Explain to them that you meant no disrespect. Thats why alot of fights start, is because the bully, or whomever feels disrespected, and to not do anything about it, will result in losing face in front of their friends. Assure them that you meant no disrespect, and most of the time, that should be enough to deter a fight.