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  1. #1
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    A Little About Me - Depression and SI

    Hi there,

    My name is Amanda and I am 24 years old. I live in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. I wont get into all the gritty details of my life experiences, partly because it would take WAY too long, and partly because I doubt you all want to spend an hour reading it. Im not sure how many people will even be interested as it is, but im going through another rough patch and it is nice to talk about it, even if no-one is really listening I suppose.

    I have been struggling with depression for at least 10 years now, I was diagnosed with clinical depression at 14, I began SI (or "self injury") at 16 after I spent some time in the childrens ward of the state mental hospital. My father has been in and out of prison my entire life and is now serving a life sentence.

    Two and a half years ago I met my husband. We actually met on CL and got married only a week after we met in person and less than a month after we met online. He is truly the best thing that has happened to me. For the most part, since we have been together, my "condition" has been under control.

    Recently, however, fell ill and missed a couple weeks of work, doctors dont know whats up. I was so ill that I couldnt really do anything but lay in bed. More than mild activity caused me to become very weak and eventually collapse if I pushed myself too hard. Last week it seemed that I was improving, however I suddenly fell into a deep depression that I havent experienced in years. I had a relapse with my SI as well.

    Things were looking pretty bleak for me, but then I decided I wasnt going to let this happen again. I decided to take a drastic measure and do something bit immature but It was something that would make me happy and keep my mind off of things, so I did it. I got my new BP Zeus. I know getting an animal as an impulse buy is a bad idea. I did a little research beforehand just to make sure that I would be able to properly care for him. My husband says he was upset with me, but he really didnt show it. Luckily he loves pythons as well.

    I know what I did is just a band-aid solution, but right now, things are pretty rough and I need something positive to distract me. Ive wanted a snake all my life so I decided I know I cant have everything I want and I know everything in my life cant be perfect, but this is something I want and it IS within my power so here I am. I have my boy Zeus and I am happy. He is more sweet and sociable than I expected, but I suppose thats the benefit of getting from a breeder that handles each snake. I really look forward to being able to develop a relationship with him and watch him grow.

    Anyways, that is where I am right now. If you plan on judging or criticizing me for the SI or the impulse buy of an animal, please do not bother replying. Also Im not looking for sympathy, I just like to be honest with people and share how I feel. If anyone has had similar experiences, I would love to hear about it. Its nice to know youre not alone.

  2. #2
    Don't Push My Buttons JLC's Avatar
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    Re: A Little About Me - Depression and SI

    I've never been treated for clinical depression, but I wanted you to know that someone listened. Sucks that you're going through such a rough patch. Mystery illnesses are no fun and I can't imagine how stressful that must be.

    I don't think buying the snake was such a bad thing to do. One thing that can sometimes really help a person snap out of a depressive state of mind is when a living creature needs their care and attention. It can take your mind off your own feelings and get you to focus on something positive. I hope the snake is able to do that for you!

    I do hope, though, that you're talking with your doctor(s) about the resurgence of severe depression and the impulse to hurt yourself. I do believe a new pet can help, but I wouldn't ever consider it a cure. So I hope you're getting the kind of help you need most.

    -- Judy

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to JLC For This Useful Post:

    Melody (06-05-2011)

  4. #3
    BPnet Veteran Homegrownscales's Avatar
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    My reptiles started out more of a way to keep myself out of trouble and to give myself a little hobby that I loved. 5 years later it has truly blossomed into a blessing. Even though I work hard to keep everyone healthy, and happy it has really changed me for the better. When I was younger I used to party alot and I really had no responsibilities, I got in trouble and needed to give myself something to do so it wouldn't happen again. Since then I have been healthier,happier and a normal person I guess. So I think Zeus( which is my doggys name too) is a great idea. Sometimes you need that little guy in a cage to kick you in the butt to get you in gear and get you out of your own head. It's amazing what a pet can do for people. I don't mind the work I put into all my snakes which is a whopping 45 I love to do the work. It brings me joy in my life. So If they can do it for me they can do it for you. And I commend you for even trying. People read, and were all here even if you want someone to just talk to. People will answer back! I hope Zeus helps you with the funk of life, everyone gets in one in different points in their lives.
    Keep on keeping on!
    Morgan

  5. #4
    BPnet Lifer mainbutter's Avatar
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    Re: A Little About Me - Depression and SI

    Quote Originally Posted by hope4peace View Post
    If you plan on judging or criticizing me for the SI or the impulse buy of an animal, please do not bother replying
    The former is a medical condition that manifests itself in many ways.

    The latter is a stupid idea that many people on this forum are guilty of and in many cases has great results. (It's when impulse-buys turn bad that cause all the warnings and 'judgement').

    You won't get any judgement from me on either.

    There are many who have, literally, had their lives saved from depression and other life problems because of this hobby.

    Take care of yourself, your husband, and your new scaly friend Regular feeding, cage cleaning, and the other "chores" associated with snake keeping is a great alternative to all sorts of negative activities, and a great way to keep yourself busy and productive.

    You probably already know this, but finding a good therapist is a wonderful idea, and you'll win points from me for seeing one.

  6. #5
    BPnet Senior Member DellaF's Avatar
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    I have in my life time suffered with depression. Now that I am older I have other issues. Things that come a long with age. Back problems, arthritis, carpal tunnel etc. I have days were I am just tired of dealing with it. Having God in my life has changed my life. I have a great husband who keeps me going. I also have my animals to care for. I do the best I can to take care and provide for them. I don't have time to be depressed now. So no I don't think it was a bad thing for you to get a snake at all. I wish you luck with your depression I know how messed up it can be.
    1.0 Normal (Rocko)
    1.0 Mojave (Mac)
    1.0 Pastel Ghost (Zeus)
    0.1 Spider (Zarah)
    1.0 Butter (Jagger)
    0.1 Coral Albino Boa (Josslynn)
    1.0 Kenyan Sand Boa (Cee Lo)
    Black Cat Nivea)
    Dachshund (Isabella) (Murphy) (Lilli)
    Mixed Breed (Heidi)

  7. #6
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    Re: A Little About Me - Depression and SI

    Thanks for the replies and support. For the record, I actually am seeing a therapist right now. It was recommended by my PCP when I first got sick thinking maybe it was just stress related. After I saw her once and was like, "no, really, Im good" I realized I wasnt being honest with her or myself. Although I have made great strides of improvement compared to where I was 3-4 years ago, I am nowhere near "good" or "healthy" right now. Luckily, my husband is very understanding and pretty much caters to my every need. Unfortunately I have become almost fully dependent on him, but thats another issue entirely.

    Anyways, thanks again! I appreciate the support. And he is helping a lot right now because Im still working on getting everything perfect for him so Im spending so much time making sure his environment is safe and that he is happy, I dont have much time to think about other things. Tomorrow I am going to go back to work for the first time in like 2 weeks and I am probably going to be worrying about him like crazy though. Wish me luck.

  8. #7
    Registered User SpiffyYoshi's Avatar
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    I think you did yourself a favor!

    The snakes really changed my life, which is something you don't hear too often. I spent years dealing with severe anxiety/depression via substance abuse which never has a happy ending. Long story short, an incident with vodka and xanax landed me in a mental hospital for a month. It really wasn't a suicide attempt but nobody really believed me, which is understandable. Actually, the day I was discharged was when I got my first snake. My interest in these animals just exploded and I now have six snakes and a breeding project. It's definitely the best thing in my life right now.
    5.5 SNAKES
    ------------------------------
    2.1 Corn Snakes
    1.2 Ball Pythons
    0.1 Honduran Milk Snake
    1.1 California Kingsnakes
    1.0 Western Hog

  9. #8
    BPnet Senior Member
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    Hey, I'm glad you got a social one on the first try! They all usually turn sweet after a year, but mine first bp had a lot of... personality. The biting kind of personality.

    I have a friend who self-injures. Even when he's getting help and is doing okay (he's been doing mostly okay for several years now), he still does it annually on certain painful anniversaries.

    (I have chronic depression, too, but it's not the self-injury type. Just the lying in bed unable to focus on anything kind. Weirdly, the only time I ever thought of cutting was when I started on medication several years ago.)

  10. #9
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    I'm no professional, but I think a snake could be a wonderful thing. Pets have proven positive health effects, and if you end up in bed a few days, it's not like your snake is going to starve to death. I hope this is a first step out of the hole for you.
    2.0 Normal ball pythons, Java and Nyoka
    0.0.1 Boa Constrictor Imperator, Hexadecimal
    0.0.1 Snow Corn, Yumi
    0.2 Mutt cats, Dizzy and Sumomo
    1.0 Shiba Inu, Hokkaido

    Snake yawns are the cutest thing EVER

  11. #10
    BPnet Royalty ballpythonluvr's Avatar
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    Re: A Little About Me - Depression and SI

    I have biploar disorder and I went a long time with being undiagnosed with this condition. I used to self mutilate and was very suicidal. I finally got diagnosed back in 1998 and have been on meds since. I went through many years of counseling and it really does help. I have animals and let me tell you, they are great therapy! I love taking care of my animals, especially my snake. It gives me a purpose and keeps my mind busy.

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