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Thread: Perspective

  1. #1
    No One of Consequence wilomn's Avatar
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    Perspective

    I suppose I'll ramble a bit, wax poetic on occasion, impart bits that I think, hope, know but still wonder if I should share at all, may be consequential. I don't know if I'd call it a chronicle of my recently started journey but it might end up being one. I've debated starting this for several months and have been lead to the fact that it may be a good idea. More than once. This troubles me. Who am I and why is what I think important coupled with the fact that I do know who I am and I know that what I have said has been of major importance more than once. Though it looks as though I am merely bragging, I am not. Setting a foundation more like. My perspective has changed. Thinking that others think as I do is not a mistake I often make, though it is one of the most often made mistakes of others.

    I turned 50 last year and for my birthday I found out I had cancer. A particularly aggressive and uncommon one that had chosen to present in an even more uncommon way. Million to one shots nine times out of ten. Seriously.
    I'm now 5 chemo treatments in, got one more to go next week and then, hopefully, a stem cell transplant using my own stem cells. My sister is not a match and we don't know if my brother is as yet. If he is not and we cannot use mine there is a registry for potential matches. Every step away from me and my own DNA ups the chances of this summer being my last. I honestly don't think it will be. I never really thought I'd be bald either, not before I was old. Not even then really, it's not prevalent in my family. This unlikely but all to possible outcome has also lead to a change in perspective.

    Mantle Cell Lymphoma. That's the variety I've got. It's usually a lymph gland beast, tonsils, underarms, groin. Not for me though. This particular variety is not known for long time survival. Think on this a minute. Not survival. As Tommy Chong once said, "kinda grabs ya by the boo boo, don't it?" New perspective.

    The short and sweet, and the reason this forum is not open for comment, is this; living until 60, with what we know today, would be miraculous. 58 pretty damn good. 5 years in remission can be expected, then chemo again. Dead in 2 years provided that chemo transplant or subsequent recovery don't kill me, which while unlikely is still very possible especially if I have to go to the marrow bank for a donor. 1 out of 4 on that one that we put coins on my eyes for a last boat ride.

    Knowing people as I do, both the good and the bad, I know that both a genuine outpouring of sympathy and support would be forthcoming and tagging along behind, those hyenas who haven't the courage necessary to stand alone but do like to gang up on the perceived weak. While sincere appreciation would be felt for the first, the second would take time that I don't want to waste. Nipped in the bud, done and done.

    Until recently I was quite happy just doing what I do, all stealthy and sly like to me, knowing that someday some would get it, some wouldn't and that I would be surprised by who did what. Over the years there have been some that found me out. Fortunately when they've outed me they've either been ignored or not believed. I mean seriously, Wilomn have a plan? Hardly. Not just being a ? No way. Not just building himself up online because he's such a jerk in real life? Of course he is, he's such a loser.

    Worked like a charm, it did.

    And when I thought I had the rest of forever, planning long ago to eventually mellow out into an old dude who just knew a lot, secretly imparting it without the impartees even knowing they had been imparted when I had done it well, hopefully, I had a different point of view about how I interacted. I'm not so much long term anymore. For now.

    Here, in this forum, I'll put things that are important to me. Things that I want to save, I guess, share if you're of a mind to, right out in the open like. Mostly.

    Oh, and for the record. I don't quit. I don't give in. I'm every bit as stubborn with myself and fighting this fight as I am when I smell tuna in a thread. My body is going through some serious weirdness, both the cancer and the treatment, but my mind is strong and my spirit hard. Million to one nine times out of ten.
    I may not be very smart, but what if I am?
    Stinky says, "Women should be obscene but not heard." Stinky is one smart man.
    www.humanewatch.org

  2. #2
    No One of Consequence wilomn's Avatar
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    Re: Perspective

    Here we go. Never really pictured myself on this ride, but then again, I never pictured a lot of things that, apparently, are not reliant on my picturing to exist. I suppose that there are more than a few who have pictured this which is the head of the trail to Nothing is New Point and Convictions Falls, over 300 feet of mist and water, said to be inhabited by those who have jumped, or been pushed. Those with the gift, or curse, can hear them screaming, or laughing -the two often being indistinguishable one from the other- loud enough to drown a rocket's engine, crashing at last on the jagged serrated rocky bottom of Shattered Spine Pool quickly becoming the pond where a Willow Tree grows, has grown, will continue to grow, since before the falls fell. Or close enough as makes no difference.

    And so I, we perhaps, have arrived. Heh, didn't even know this place was here a few minutes ago, and yet .....
    I may not be very smart, but what if I am?
    Stinky says, "Women should be obscene but not heard." Stinky is one smart man.
    www.humanewatch.org

  3. #3
    No One of Consequence wilomn's Avatar
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    Hmmmm, maybe I'll have to number these or do some sort of subforum to keep the fluff from the grit.

    This is the grit.
    I may not be very smart, but what if I am?
    Stinky says, "Women should be obscene but not heard." Stinky is one smart man.
    www.humanewatch.org

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