Judy's Weightloss Journey

So, this is more of what I would have said if I'd had more time when I wrote that first post.

I started to write that I'd had weight issues all my life...but the more accurate story is that I've had body-image issues all my life. I thought I was fat and gross, even when I wasn't. I look back at the "me" I was in high school, and long to be that fit and pretty again. I was a little overweight, but just a bit. It was enough though, to feel "fat." I didn't start gaining seriously unhealthy weight until college when I went through some periods of severe depression and emotional roller-coasters. It's been a life-long struggle ever since. I'll be turning 44 next month....so that's a lot of years of struggle. I've had some periods of success along the way, with significant weight loss, although I've never reached a final goal. But no matter how much weight I would lose....when I look in the mirror, in MY eyes, I look exactly the same. I can tell that my clothes fit differently...I can tell how much better I feel and how much more freedom I have in my own skin....but I LOOK just the same.

Body-image is a powerful thing. I've had brown hair all my life. Several years ago, I started gradually coloring it lighter and lighter until it was clearly blonde. Anyone looking at me would tell you it was blonde. But in my eyes, it was still brown. Objectively, I could see yellow hair...I'm not blind. But taking in my appearance as a whole...I saw a mousey-brown-haired woman, no matter how yellow/light my hair was.

So that's one of the things I really struggle with when losing weight. No matter how many numbers fall off the scale, I never SEE the results. And that can be powerfully discouraging. And now that I'm older, the weight comes off a LOT harder than when I was young. It's so very slow, and I have to work so hard to get such meager results. And then my eyes don't even see those results when they finally do come. Makes it awfully hard to stick with all the hard work.

Stress is one of my primary triggers. I'd lost about 25 pounds over the last year or two...but this past summer was SO incredibly stressful and insane...I gained it all back. Things are finally starting to settle a bit....getting closer to those normal stress levels of life...so it's time to get my head back in the game, so to speak. I need to figure out what will work for me, for the long haul. There are no quick fixes here. I need to find a method of healthy eating that I can live with happily, and follow without having to think too much about it. Sounds simple enough.....right...??

Tomorrow morning, I'll weigh myself and that will be my starting point. I'm not going to share those numbers here, but I will share each Tuesday how much progress I've made according to the scale. The real progress, though, will be in developing the right habits that I can live with for a lifetime...both in eating right and in activity levels. Tomorrow, I'll get more into my initial vision and plan. I imagine it will evolve over time.

I guess that's enough for now.
-- Judy